OTC '05

came back from orientation training camp (OTC) on the 30th of Dec.

it was pretty fun.

logistics committee is freakin slack lah...

like...we have our work to do definitely.

but we do it fast and efficient, and suddenly, we find that we have SOOOOO much free time to just go and crap around.



as how after every camp, i desperately need sleep.

although for this camp i dont feel all that tired, i still didnt sleep all very much.

and i found myself running around ALOT this camp.

cos i keep visiting my friends during breaks or just go see how the games are being played.



joel (sec school mate) and me got soaked by mark, mac, and tao hui (xiu hui).

we were stationed with them, and after safari said he games were over, we started soaking each other in cool water.

sweet relief from the blazing hot sun. hoho.

btw tao hui is quite amusing. and mac is pretty damned friendly too.



and then!

i realli cant be bothered to add in more details about the camp.



oh yes!

one last note.

im sick of greeting that girl.

totally lame leh.

i greet her, then she gimme that kind of face and look away. (i never say what kind of face yeah)

what the fuck. ok i can see why her behaviour is such. but i think its pretty lame.

maybe i should just keep quiet and pretend i never knew her.

XD

RECAP

this is the recap of what has been happening here in the tagboard of this blog!!!

its damn funny lah.

i will be updating this entry when new tags are seen =)

conversations are BOTTOM TO TOP PLS.

so please scroll down and read up =)



another hand: lol

soilders inside ball: wa lan wei de ball keep rollin we all inside jia liat sia headache cant find de egg still nid to keep rollin damn tired lor when can i shoot out again like other

another hand: need my help hand1?

dripping cunt: hey sexxxxxx

hand: gosh ah...no fun ah...i itchy ah...but anon's balls missing ah...stroke penis ah...nothing will come out ah...anon's anus smelly ah...dun want ah...

dripping cunt: i would like to be with penis with balls

Archfreak- PRIVATES: omg this is a nc-16 place ok.

His lower part : there was a time when everyday he stroke and i enjoy and he did, we three come together strong and fit de ball de penis and de pubic hair~~~~~

Pubic Hair: He Shaved Us... So Sad...

penis wif out balls: gee i wonder where my ball goes man!!! cant find them i cant stand wif out them anon that owner dun noe how to take care ar die man

Archfreak-anus: wow sounds very tempting. too bad i dont do it with hum ji asses.

balls: eh! we stand together! but now we lost! help us find our owner! he go by name of anon! without us he will become hum ji kia! pls help our ball-less anon!

aTAT: since de trend now is put a in front of ur name den i put mine lor !!! hehehe look cool sia look like my email de lolz .... hapi boxin day ar we all later go boxing ring go ding ding

anus: me seh anon's ass. i want flame you so cause i want you to screw me. you know what i mean right? hee. i can't wait.

ANON TAT : shhhhh .... workin undercover dun tell anon ar i scare wait he tell my boss i ard here ok ? steady ar

WEI 2 Anon Tat: Whooo.. Hello Anon Tat... U Sounds Cool... With A Tat Behind... hahhahaha

ANON TAT: AIYA ANON STYLE OK HE NOE HOW TO HIDE LIKE U NOE INTER AFFAIR HE THINK HE ANDY LAU I STILL LIANG CHAO WEI LOR HEHEHEHE i m cop !!!

WEI 2 Victor: Is THAT Anon From Those Secret Police Force Where They Covered Up Their Faces And Protect Their Identity Those Kinda People???

Loisy: hellos my name's spelt Lois hahas! see you around in school okies take cares! blessed christmas

Archfreak: wah liao everytime i see my tag board im hoping that anon will reply. why never reply?!?!

KoL-Vitch: NOT** aiming a course lah stupid..

Archfreak-anon: and u are a hum ji kia who dont dare give ur name. ball less =)

Vitch: now you're aiming a person..now aiming a course [which is in-animate..]

anon: Which part of you do you think the girl will be interested in? Of course u 2 aint compatible. you are a kid. look at yourself in the mirror before you speak. you have the right to talk, so do we.

anon: you are fair, short, and you look like a little boy. Apparently from the blog we can see that your intellacts are not that high either.

Joel: Wishing you a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!!

*OTHER VARIOUS MERRY CHRISTMAS WISHES*



so fun.

Careful

if u notice, this guy here put:

"you have the right to talk, so do we."



now...this person is talking about my previous blatant comments about MOI and various other things.

saying if i have the right to say what i want, means MOI oso can say what they want about me.



so by saying the words 'SO DO WE' u are making people think that u are from MOI or u may have something against my words.

further more, that gal which u undoubtedly noe who is from MOI as well.

is it mere coincience?

even my friend oso suspect u from MOI cos of that.

if u dont have something agaisnt my words, then why put so much energy to tag?

or maybe my posts are too extreme for u to handle so u must tag further agaisnt me when no body want to care anymore.



either ways, just be careful yeah. or u might have your ass handed to u by a bunch of rioting flamers.

Hum Ji Kia

if u are too hum ji.

or u dont have any balls (if u are a guy).

or no body in this world bothered to give u a name.

then please dont bother typing 'hurtful' tags in my tagboard.

like wow.

everytime i get one of these taggers i get excited.

but its disapointing that the person dont want to leave thier name.

whether they realli hum ji or they got no name...i dunno...

but i think i can assume all of us who noe how to use comp has a proper name right?

nothing to do with the words 'random' or 'stranger' or 'anon' (wow so style, short for anonymous) or MOST ORIGINAL, 'anonymous'.



so with that, all i wish to say is, if u want to insult me in some way, hoping ill be affected by some nobody's words, then the least u could do is leave ur name or some way i can identify u.

if not, why should i bother about some nameless mofo?

and btw. mofo is short for mother fucker, in case maybe that certain hum ji doesnt noe.

at least if u leave ur name, its abit more respectable yeah. at least it doesnt make you seem like such a pussy.

thanx.

im looking forward to a proper conversation.

Suicide

so its the night before im going to IMD studio alone after my folly.

to be honest i cant wait.

but im onli scared of one thing.

abby.

LOL.

im PANSY ASS SCARED of that.

damn.

i dont even dare say sorry to her ON THE INTERNET LAH. WTF!



ok as im about to publish this post...i suddenly get another fear.

i find myself checking my entry again and again to see if it might upset anyone.

holy shit.

dont kill me if that happens.

WOW!

wow.

if i so read this again in future, this is a post about my careless words in my blog.

yeap just for remembrance.



hmmm...

ok. to those who gave thier comments, thank u for your time and effort to scold me.

extra thanks to those who said so calmly. uh...i think onli jia yi and dead duck? tat ming right? if i miss someone out im sorry...alot of tags. thank u very much for keeping slack on the vulgarities and giving ur sincere thoughts. seems onli u people are above me.



ok!

i will do my best to talk to u. uh...but i think not alot of u will not want to talk to me anymore? maybe want to smash my face?

saying sorry here is no use yeah?

whats said is said yeah? those words cant be taken back.

so im not sure what i can do to make it up to all of u?

i think taking the hate for say...years? that might be sorry enough?



what can i say? i now i said too much for my own good but then again...its my blog yeah.

just as how xia xue goes (wow i dislike xia xue and yet i talking about her) about saying its her blog so its her own thoughts whether whoever like it or not.

but eh i dont realli like that principle of hers cos things can get very offensive.

just like how singapore agaisnt racism and all...talking about another course is as good as talking about another race.

and damn i hate racism. so honestly yeah im disgraced at myself now? it was the same thing yet i didnt see it.



so lets see.

main thing im thinking now...

how can i make it up to all of MOI?

and.

how can i say im sorry to all of u? i noe sorry aint enough BUT ITS SOMETHING.

my shame and my pride will be given to u. insults i will take. hate i will also take.

one thing PLS!

DO NOT ASSOCIATE MY CRIME WITH THE COURSE OF PID.

i admit! what i said was FAR TOO ARROGANT. but that onli ME. not PID. other then that, i will accept wadever is thrown at me. leave the rest of PID out of this yeah?



so if anyone wanna bash me up, (though i hope no one it wont go down to that) then fine yeah? we go out of school and i let u bash me up? even if its before christmas, its fine yeah. i wont fight back if u feel thats better. i dont mind taking blows if it can get this done? though i hope it can be settled with discussion.



btw this post is onli talking about the stuff i said about MOI as a whole yeah. as for the rest of what i said about individuals...yeah im sorry but i cant and wont take them back.


as a side note...what the hell?!?! sex god???? HEY HEY! thats what U people called me ok...dunno who started it lah...

i definitely WONT name myself that! SO PLS DONT ADDRESS ME AS THAT.

Love of Friends

its a long day today.

but lets skip all the crap.

after doing my drafting for the whole day, we PID mates went home together at 9.

we went opposite school to take a look at the Pasah Malam (night market in malay).

and so...we PID mates took a look around...and we didnt buy anything.

EXCEPT.

7 ramly burgers.



and so we got the burgers, and walked to a dessert (is that how u spell it?) shop, sat down, and enjoyed our time together, with food and drink, and whats most important, each others company with extremely amusing conversations.



indeed.

it was nice. its times like those that all the terrible, torturous work seems worth doing, JUST FOR THE PEOPLE.



thats one thing.

next...



Alexander Lek.

we had a talk on our way home on the bus.

it was about work at first. but it went on to...love interests, and the bond between friends, and the fine priorities between them.

well...ill not talk about his side of the conversation. private yeah.

but the thing he said concerning me. thats what i want to express here.

basically, he talked to me about her.

yeah. HER. u guys noe it. (as how Chang Tat says, *que heavy breathing voice* "HEH~-HEHH~-HEHHHH~-BY")

so alex told me...

she and me are totally different and incompatible

she is too bimbo. (uhh... lol)

she dont deserve a guy like me (now ok...i tried defendering her on this but he dont agree...haha)

and i forgot what else but thats the main.

and i believe him.

ok the thing is...i feel more affected by his words cos while all my other close friends have been telling me the same things...they havent SEEN abby as she is face to face and how she behaves and talks and all that.

so it was then that i was fully persuaded and it confirmed the views of all my other friends.

i am a proud ass...

and deep down i noe, she is not compatible with me.

and hell. deep down in my proud and sickeningly human heart, i know i deserve better. LOL.

that makes me sound like a damned asshole and all.

but the truth about myself is, im nice, friendly, kind, sensible, and thoughtful. of course i falter at times...but generally im a guy who knows what im doing, and acts with proper accordance.

and i know my friends would support that statement.

undeniably a proud ass. XD



one last thing!!

alex also talked of the brotherhood between guys versus the sexual relations of a girl.

to alex...ones brothers are the most important...and a girl of interest should never be held above such bonds of friendship.

and he made it clear to me, that i probrably dont understand it as much as he does.

why?

because he is from monford, a ruffian all boys school with tough guys who value thier brotherhood,

while i am from siglap, a typical mixed gender neighourhood school where brotherhood isnt worth as much. and its the same for all such multi-sex schools.

so i was quite shocked and it made me think quite abit.

i had forgotten the importance of such ties and also...i never held brotherhood so strongly to the extent that it would overtake my feelings of love for a girl.

like...my brothers are damn important...but alexander's way is to the extent where one would give up thier girlfriends for thier brothers.

simply put.

to see your friends in a higher level of importance then a sexual relationship with others.

isnt that respectable and incredibly loyal to your friends?

it realli made me think on the way home.

what do u think?

DOTC

DOTC stands for Design Orientation Training Camp.

the camp started on friday, 7 o'clock. we campers also have to stay overnight on saturday.

i just came back from it today, at say about 4.



so lets see...

i met an individual named Matthew.

simple put, i find him very annoying.

tall, large frame, meaty, not toned, extremely shaggy hair, bad complexion. now...there is nothing wrong with any of those.

but the thing that pisses me off, is his habit of unnessesary comments, commenting too fucking loud, and acting like some big shot.

i shant give examples yes. but if u like, u may find zhen hao or ronald on thier comments regarding this human male.

other then those irritating traits of his, everything else about him is pretty alrite. cos i talked to him and he seems quite alrite...probrably cos im a total stranger to him...so wadever.



next, eugene.

im talking about the design studies club eugene, who is tall and has facial hair.

that guy, is large, and tall, and can very well be said to be...pretty much huge by the normal singaporean scale of body sizes.

but YET, he is extremely timid of scary things.

scary things in mention are stuff like GHOSTS, SPIRITS and SUDDEN SHOCKS.

when i type extremely timid. what it can also be translated to is PANSY ASS SCARED, if i were to put it in a rude, crude and disrespectful way.

i was realli shocked cos he is such a big size guy, but he was so freakin scared of the stuff in the NIGHT WALK.

we had to solve a puzzle of a murder in BUSINESS school, early in the morning, like 12am, and there were lots of characters around the school to help us with clues.

a number of them were ghosts.

and they had a habit of scaring the shit out of people, through the ever effective method of loud, unexpected shrieks of anger or horror.

eugene got so scared that he could not control himself.

to the extent he didnt want to continue playing the game AT ALL. the onli reason why he continued playing was cos he didnt have a choice.

im not making fun of him for that.

im just very shocked at that. cos trust me, he was VERY, VERY SCARED. ask justin for further details.



last thing.

what im gonna say here might be DISAGREEABLE and EXTREMELY PROUD. but i dont care.

i DARE say Product & Industrial Design (PID) is the best course in the camp.

why?

because of our unwielding UNITY, and our lack of hesitation for socialising and interacting with new people.

there have been numerous times our PID group has shown its incredible unity.

and there have been numerous times the Moving Images (MOI) group has shown its incredible attempt to try and be like PID.

oh ho. that is definitely VERY disagreeable to some people, im sure.

but remember.

this is my blog.

and in my blog, i dont lie.

and in my blog, i onli put things i BELIEVE are worth writing down.

so hush up if u dont agree.

if not, then u can tell me how much u think PID rox. thank u.

...i mean...CMON!!!

think back in the camp...

can u DENY the unity of the PIDians?!?!

yeah. the truth is,

u cant.

well...at least this applies for the year 05 batch. HAH

Definition of Love

if im not wrong, the phrase is taken from the bible. if im wrong, just hope i dont get struck down. correct me please.

'Love is patient. Love is kind. Love is not demanding, and most of all, Love is letting go out of Love'



i feel proud of myself that i somehow followed this without realising it.

when i say proud...i dont mean that kind of boastful pride...but more of the impressed at myself pride.

but dont get me wrong.

i am, a proud ass. and i know it. ah hoho. XD



to end this post, ill put this song lyrics. so happen it kept playing during a hong kong drama and so it got stuck in my head.

its damn meaningful to me.


Rick Price - Heaven Knows

she's always on my mind,
from the time i wake up
'till i close my eyes
she's everywhere i go
she's all i know

though she's so far away
it's just keeps getting stronger
every day
and even now she's gone
i'm still holding on

so tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

chorus:
maybe my love will come back some day
only heaven knows
and maybe our hearts will find their way
only heaven knows
and all i can do is hope and pray
'cause heaven knows

my friends keep telling me
that if you really love her
you've gotta set her free
and if she returns in kind
i'll know she's mine

so tell me where do i start
'cause it's breaking my heart
don't wanna let her go

chorus

why i live in despair
'cause wide awake or dreaming
i know she's never there
and all these time i act so brave
i'm shaking inside
why does it hurt me so...

chorus

heaven knows
-------


i realise, people might misjudge my intentions of posting those lyrics in this entry.

well please be informed.

this lyrics are probrably outdated in how im feeling. maybe say...2 weeks back...probrably yeah...

those of u following my drama story might see the great inference to the song.

Cockel Spaniel

today i had drawing fundamental.

my lecturer for this subject is richard wee.

so he showed us a drawing he did in another lesson.

the image of a guy, having similar droopy eyes to mine, wearing a ski cap. quite a handsome guy anyways.

well, somewhere along the lesson, he stated that the man in his drawing has whats called:

Cockel Spaniel Eyes.

and the thing is, he says:

'just like victors eyes, see? some women go crazy over men like that...because they the eyes give the impression of needing protection and helplessness...u know...a the motherly instinct...wanting to take care and protect...'

*all the while EVERYONE was staring at my eyes*

to which everybodies response was roaring laughter, including mine (though albiet embaressing).

like...what the hell!!! is that true?!?!

it made me think back of when i found myself following abby around, much like a puppy dog.

HAHAHA. never realised till now.



is there a similarity? hahahaha!

if u have the time, go look up on these dogs. they are realli cute, with thier helpless kind of puppy dog look.

Pansy

damn.

ive played 2 pansy ass games in 2 days.

yesterday, it was HeliAttack 3.

today, its Spider Man 2, on the PC.



let me make myself clear.

Spider Man 2 (the game) is freakin lame, poorly programmed, has bad graphics, and CRAPPY gameplay.

damn!

id think even HeliAttack 3 (which is a free game, online) might be more entertaining and enjoyable a game then Spider Man 2, which costs MONEY to buy. geez!

yeah. games are important in this boys life! so take it as a pansy ass game review.

the worse the game, the worse the review! and id say this review pretty much sucks!

so yeah.

Spider Man 2 (the game XD) SUCKS!

Heliattack 3

(just in case, for u people who dont know...noob is short for NEWBIE, which is in term used to address beginners, or otherwise, lower class gamers)

alrite.

i admit it.

today, i spent the time at night in school (which i was suppose to spend DOING WORK) to play a pansy game called:

HELIATTACK 3.

its found on miniclip.com.

yeah.

i beat it once. then went for interview. then i beat it again.

pansy ass game -.-

benson and justin had some problems completing it though.

apparently, they dont play 'noob games' thats why i better then them, meaning in thier terms that i am far more noobish, thus enabling me to complete the game (twice).

what excellent reasoning.
onli found in PID, folks.



oh btw. i saw louis today.

wait...is that how i spell her name? nevermind.

shes always wears long flowing skirts. well, more often then any other gal i noe. she looks nice in those.

shirley once wore that kinda skirt too. apparently, as i learned from her, those kinda skirts are abit expensive, compared to other skirts. thus she onli has one.

need i say, i like those kinda skirts alot? HAHA. (like ALOT, ALOT? indeed)

it suits louis well. (damn is that how her name is spelled? nevermind)

like like like...LONG SKIRTS WOOT. so elegant.

am i weird? XD

Free!

mmmmmmmm.

i feel alot better now! like a weight off my shoulders! i am glad for that.

hopefully there are no after effects. that would be most irritating...

the reasons for my feeling better are in fact...probrably, seemingly sad.

but its more like me going "'oh well' *shrug*"

cos part of me already wants it.



so!!! ALL OF MY FRIENDS READING THIS BLOG.

i have heard your 'feedback'.

YES! i noe! my blog has had a mood of sorrow and moodiness these past weeks.

but i believe it will change! take note of that.

i will once again (i hope) write on more interesting entries on my thoughts of recent events or just my personal view of LIFE, THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING.

hmm...key words here are I HOPE! ah ha! i dare not say FOR SURE lest i suffer the complaints of my readers >_<


on a side note
i wonder how the next years batch of PID students will be like.

zhen hao was saying. hope got some chio bu. then can see see. LOL. lets hope jia ying doesnt read this blog...

well damn. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH ZHEN HAO. please!!! chio bu come to PID! we guys from PID will treat all of u very well (APPLY TO YEAR 2005 INTAKE ONLI) LOL. (just be careful of some pig communist PLS)



and btw zhen hao.

i will support u in your diet man!!! just dont expect me to eat less in front of u! in fact, maybe expect me to eat more in front of u! LEARN TO RESIST TEMPTATION. i damn good friend man...help u train. YESSA!

but seriously, dont eat so little leh...eat same but excercise more!!! u eat so little and still jog so often, sure faint ah one day.

kk?!?! must be practical!!! dont siao siao want to become thin then dunno ur own health.



alrite people! thats all. actually wanted to just write the first paragraph on this entry about my freedom but turn out so long! suddenly all the important things came to my mind!

good! means my mind is going back to normal . thank God.

im abit worried about her.

Feeling

i can feel it.

the time is soon.

im sure my friends will be glad when it happens. woo.

no point rushing it.

just let it come. (how ironic)



dont think too soon humans.

im available for questioning.

Days

hello everyone. its been some days since my last entry.

anyways,

yesterday, i met ying hui.

for those of you who have been following my blog, you may remember ying hui in one of my past month post. i think.

well, as predicted by fukun and me, his problems with his gf has come, and on the dot, after a month.

so he came to me to tell me his problem. even though i probrably couldnt help him much. but hey, i understand, i do that all the time too.

well, good luck to him and how he gonna tell his girl.



as i was leaving school to meet ying hui to play pool, i happen to meet alex, benson, and shirley.

coincidently, they too were going for a pool game. and thats freaking sweet news.

along the way we met andrew, who decided to tag along.

so we all went to pavilion and i met ying hui there.

to my shock, i was actually handling my game considerably well!

i thought my skills had degraded quite abit since i entered poly.

maybe i was too...tense in the past about playing with my poly mates.

i beat shirley twice. hahahaaa. i laugh because she so wanna beat me but HOHO. sadly she beat me once at the end. eh -.-

wynner was there too.

it was damned fun. its been some time since i enjoyed myself like this. i found that...im no longer sorrowful about events happening. sure...its sad to me...but probrably...i no longer worry about it.

come what may.



other then that, i saw abby twice today. and both times i found myself accompanying her.

though we didnt talk much.

but its ok.

Fear

today is the first time i had this certain fear concerning her.

what is this fear?





the fear that she might have feelings for some other guy.

in other words, the fear of losing her in THAT SENSE.

it came as a shock to me when i suddenly realised that fact.

and whats more after all these events.

do u noe what this means?

i think i do.

Blind Rage

now.

lets see.

so she says she dont wanna be my friend anymore.

which ended in me utterly pissed.

why?



because she went back on her word that we would continue being friends.

WHY WOULDNT I HATE FOR THAT.

am i expected to just be alrite with that and as if its no big deal.

it is a big deal.

and im a human. im not exactly a saint.

so if i dont get pissed, i think somethings wrong with me.



lets see.

i changed my nick to include 'im glad i can hate u openly now' after we chatted.

yeah. pretty stupid move.

and then jia asked am i sure i hate her.

to which MADE ME THINK.

i dont HATE her. but still. at that moment...i was pissed at her.

pissed enough to not bother what i say anymore.

i mean. what she has done...im so mad at that. swearing and cursing CANNOT MEASURE HOW I FEEL about it.

but still. the truth is she is still MY FRIEND.

cos i honour her words and i agreed to be her friend till the end.

okok. sure she GOT HER REASONS. and ALL THAT.

but yeah, i have my reasons to be unhappy as well. respect that. or stfu.



do u noe the onli reason i write this blog now is all for that girl.

the onli reason im writing THIS ENTRY is so she can read it and NOE ME.



bottom line.

i was very pissed at her.

i couldnt take it.

i blew up.

i put the wrong thing in my nick in anger.

ur still MY friend.

as for the other way around, thats for u to decide now.

Note

hi ex-friend.

u just threw away a friend. good or not, i dunno.

u feel alrite with that?

if u dont, then think about what u could lose if u didnt throw me away.

that must be worth it.

very worth it.

if not u wont be able to live with urself.

and thats sad.

your dear ex-friend,

Victor Goh

Prayer and Acceptance

today i went to church again, for the 2nd time after more then a year.

again, like last week, i asked for but one thing.

guidance for the both of us in our moment of turmoil.

with that, i have no doubts the path that follows is the will of the Lord.

whether i like it or not.

Talk

as i read her post, i could feel my breath getting heavier and heavier. i could feel my chest muscles contracting. my hands got cold.

i cant stop thinking either.

and what makes u think its as if i think ONLI OF MYSELF.

did i say ur not sad, pissed, confused, disapointed. did i say its onli me feeling that way?

if u can. then leave it.

as u always say.

'up to u loh'. oh yeah. dont forget the wink. 0.-



the best way probrably to the normal human, is to leave it. as she types: 'ignore and live as per normal.'

however. i feel it is not the best way. probrably cos im not the typical human.

i have never left things...unsettled, between my friends.

thats rite.

ur still my friend.

wasnt it u who told me to never stop being your friend? UNLESS UVE FORGOTTEN.

sure...we have our ISSUES...and PROBS...but does that mean ur not gonna be friends anymore?

we need to talk.

and by talking, i dont mean asking me to go the the library and waiting for a conversation. (so kill me)

i mean sitting down, and DISCUSSING our problems face to face. asking me to the library wasnt a good idea, cos u didnt ask me to talk. u asked me to accompany u. if u dont noe the (big and yet subtle) difference, i dunno how to explain it to u.

enough about the library.

though using our blogs as a way to transmit our feelings to each other at a given point of time is useful, i would think it doesnt solve things much. (and personally i think its abit tiring)

i feel like saying 'if u are still adamant on leaving things as they then its fine'

but ya noe what.

its NOT FINE to me. so i cant say that.

5 random things

due to abby writing my name in her blog, as to say she wants me to do this activity on my blog too, i have decided to continue this trend.

not cos she wants me to.

cos i respect her as a friend.





1.
i take pride in myself and who i am. i dont hate myself in any way. i love and respect myself. but im not self obsessed either.

2.
i have many friends i dont give 2 nuts about. ALOT. but theres not one of them i would turn away if he/she is a friend in need. but still. i dont love these friends much.

3.
i hate going out with people i dont care/know/bother about.

4.
i like simplicity. but i dont like simple minded people. theres a big diff. and i realli want a simple life away from all this city and speed.

5.
i love swords. and martial arts.


now. im supposed to write 5 people who i want to do this activity too.

but i wont.

alrite.

ive come to a decision.

im not gonna write much more in my blog for some time.

not unless i realli feel i need to.



cos i see my blog and i see so many things i dont like.

lots of things that arent what represents me.

enough of this. EVERYTHING about this needs a break.

Surreal

haha!

i just turned on the radio.

and the words i heard

'u got stuck in a moment and ya cant get out of it.'



oh how true my Lord.

haha.



i find im relating more and more things in life to God.

maybe thats a good thing. i mean...can it be bad?

the sermon i attended told a story of not being ashamed of ur faith.

hmm...

it shows ur not afraid. it shows ur loyal.

thats something all humans should be yeah? not onli those acting under religion.



hmm...ok

i made it through today. wow. what a day.

everyday seems that faithful friday has been like a wild adventure.

it seems almost like a dream.

why?

because i never expected myself to ever end up like this.

and in so short a time.

its almost unbelieveable. considering the tame life i often expect to lead.



so anyways.

i realise i became so blind.

geez.

ok. the truth is, i kinda knew i was gonna be blinded. but hell. i didnt care!

shows how blinded i was.

the thing i originally wanted, was just to be there for her.

that alone was enough!

but then, the more she wanted to accept her fate, the less i wanted to accept it as well.

and so all the more i wanted to go further then my (initially) intended actions.

after all the stuff we went through, and after i probrably broke my limit yesterday (side note: so fast? am i weak or was it THAT bad), and thus losing my confidance and cool (OH THE SHAME), i was reminded of how things should be cos of her.

yeah. cos of her! (i am shamed!!! haha)

maybe she doesnt realise it. but she did. she woke me up my my pitiful state. thank goodness.



and um...

let me make it clear

IM GLAD SHE TOLD ME.

I DO NOT REGRET FEELING THIS PAIN.

I DO NOT REGRET FINDING OUT THE TRUTH.

HER KEEPING HER FEELINGS WOULD HAVE HURT ME MORE.

yeah. ok...if she never told me, i wouldnt noe...BUT if i were to die and find out, i would be very very VERY upset.



and um...though theres no way i can prove it, i DO understand how u feel.

i bet it must have been all the more confusing for u.

and i never doubted that. we were both in pain.

but maybe i seemed as if i didnt realise.

cos i was just being a jack ass.

im sorry. i think its part of me being a guy.



and um...hey.

friends can have feelings for each other rite?

HA.

Tears

today at about 11pm.

is the first time i cried so hard probrably since i was a baby.



i never cried so much as tonite.

not even when i broke my leg in 3 places.

not even during my eye surgery during pri school.



i never cried cos of Ching Ling.

i cried tears of joy cos of Xi Xiang. but my eyes were just watery.

i never cried cos of Vannessa.

i did cry tears cos of Jovin. but it was just a little.



no tears flowed before tonite.

they onli surfaced...never flowing.



ive never been so hurt before. never.

the tears just flowed.

on my bed, and i just cant control it.

the tears just go and they flows down to my ears.

i get up and they go over my cheeks. wiping it off doesnt help.

thinking about it more...i cant stop crying...

even now as my fingers move across the keyboard.



this is how much i love you.

Guidance

i need a break from this bullshit.





oh btw. i went to church today. after more then an year long absence.

just so u noe, the church i go to is the Church Of The Holy Trinity.

so. i went for mass today.

and i listened to the sermon.

ok. its was quite interesting. cos it concerned me somewhat. it concerns 'laid back catholics'. in other words, catholics who dont put much affort in thier faith. yeap.

i wont go into that.

the main thing is, it was the first time i prayed i a long time as well.

well, its the first time i prayed in church for a long long time ya noe? theres a difference when ur at home praying then when ur in church praying.

cos in church, i remember what im praying about cos its realli important.

the thing i prayed for, was for God to guide her and me through this ordeal.

to correct me if im doing the wrong thing. to correct her if shes doing the wrong thing. cos i dont noe who is rite and who is wrong. even if i knew, it wouldnt help.

onli God could help me then.

GUIDE US. thats what i asked for. simple.





but today. for some reason, im damn moody cos of her.

its small things ya noe...small things gather. over time it gets so overwhelming u just wanna blow up.

seriously. i began thinking to myself. why didnt i just give her up after that first incident? i knew she was too different. and YET. somehow i still ended up here.

ying hui would have made the right choice after all. ying hui was rite after all. im too fucking nice. im too fucking forgiving.

somehow i noe...even after this i wont forget anything about her. damn. this is me.





i found myself sitting down and wondering:

is this how God wishes to guide me now? is this the way God wants to lead me?

does anyone understand what im thinking and feeling now?

if u do, tell me. i noe some close friends of mine have been responding to my situation. to these people, i thank u for your attention and audience.

My Love

i feel so serious about her.

so. serious.

this is the first time i realli feel...id be willing to go all the way.

but then again. im just one human.

will the day come when i decide to realli give it up?

ill never noe.

but ill never give up witout trying.



and maybe thats why u love me too.



we believe in the same God...but how come we our beliefs can be so different?!

this is the first time in a long time i feel like onli God can help me now.

i decided some time ago...i wouldnt seek help from God just for small things, or things i could at least control a little.

so it led to me barely praying to God for assistance.

but this...i can do nothing about it. nothing at all. except to love her.

and somehow thats not enough.

helplessly im hoping for salvation.



i love u. maybe forever, maybe not.

but i noe, ill love u till the last, till i can no longer do so.

and then ull noe. i always loved u.

and God will noe it too.

My Resolve

theres a sudden and drastic turn of events now...



ill just leave...some words to myself...and to whoever it may concern...



i realli have strong feelings for you. realli. i do.

if i didnt have strong feelings before. i do now. after all my hardship and patience, i feel like tonight was the time it all paid off.

but no sooner had i thought my reward was given to me, i realised...it was not meant as a reward. no...

it was not a reward.

maybe...it was a reminder from God...

to remind me of my faith.

like...i thought i had it in my grasp. but it was taken away the next moment.

WHY!

because of religion.

because of God.




now i feel this...yes...i dont deserve her...not yet...ive not proven my worth and ive not been faithful to my church. im a sinner. of course i dont deserve this.

this was set like this...so that i would have to EARN my love.

because of this, i feel as if shes the one.

does anyone understand what i mean?

i feel shes the one, simply because of this obstacle. how is it that its so coincidental and sudden, all these events transpire before my eyes witout me able to control anything!

the 'reward' was shown to me. and then it was taken. as a reminder of what i would get, and what i would need to work for. do u SEE IT?!

i simply CANNOT let this go.

why?!

because i can not bring myself to leave her that way.

if she is to continue that path, HOW SAD IT WOULD BE.

it brings me great sorrow THINKING about it. how can i just let it go WHILE SHE SUFFERS.



perhaps its time for me to go back with God.

FLIPPIN' MAD

WOOOOOOO

i feel so freakin HIGH! though i was feeling ABOSUTELY NUTZ just 30 min ago IM STILL FLYING.

I AM SOOOO HIGH!

IM MAD!

IM CRAZY!

XD XD XD XD XD

is she talking about me?



the truth is, i still havent gotten over.

is it wrong?

someone answer me.

Culture and Expression

today, i had the elective class, Culture and Expression

it was very interesting.

but theres 2 things i hate though.

1.
the VSC irritants. (note: im not generalizing here. im just talking about CERTAIN organic beings belonging to the fun course VSC.)

2.
the fat irritating noisy moron sitting 4 spaces away to my left. i cant shake off the feeling he is in VSC. must resist.

damn. if i cant stand something in a class, ESP IN POLY, its childish morons who dont noe when is the limit.

SHUT UP FOOLS.

maybe im just too boring. but hoho. ME.

Sweet Randoms

for this post, i have no real topic.

as titled.

sweet randoms.


(i would like to mention. in this entry, when i mention noisy people...i mean the type that simply wont shut up and loves yakking. and when i mention silent people, i dont mean dumb people. i mean, people who talk moderately onli around CERTAIN people.)


ever noticed evil and live are the exact opposite spelling

santa and satan are is just one letter switched



Kill one man and you are a murderer.
Kill millions and you are a conqueror.
Kill everyone and you are God.

ever heard of it?

think about it.



noisy people tend to be stupid people.

people who make noise tend to be those who cause trouble.

im sure uve seen it.

the noisy bunch in class?

the bunch who gossip alot?

ever noticed those are the people who tend to turn to have...not so good ways of doing things? while the quiet people are those who would be less likely to do sinful things.

noisy people like attention.

people who like attention also tend to be more...instultive, and are more likely to put down others.

so what am i saying?

avoid noisy people. unless...ur noisy. HA.

just kidding. not.



the good will triumph in the end.

is this true?


joel (my sec school mate) and me discussed this.

joel bases quite alot of his 'facts' on the holiness of the Lord.

well, so i asked him, what if we leave religion and God out of this.

so. joel says.

evil people dont have the unity that good people have, thus they would be less likely to coordinate themselves for a true fight against good.

hmm...i never realli thought of that. haha.

so i says.

good people have qualities that would prove to be more 'powerful' then those of evil.

what are those qualities, and why?

qualities like...perseverence, tolerance, and whatever.

well now. the thing is. evil people tend to have weaker character. sure, they may be ruthless and cunning. but in the END. the good guys should win because thier natural innate characters will leave them in a more...advantageous position.



oh yeah.

evil people tend to have more fear in thier hearts and are more likely to RUN when encountered with fear or pain.

its true =)



know the similarity of a fighter and a dancer?



if a person were to resort to ruthless and merciless means to defeat an enemy, but for the GREATER GOOD of things, is he considered...good? or...evil?

i would like some feedback about this particular thought...



difference between 'anti social' and 'shy'.



silent people are usually the most calm.

silent people are the ones who noe the most things.

silent people are the ones who wont forget.

silent people tend to be wiser.



in a bad situation, the wise always appear calm, but are also the ones thinking most.

lets see...how many times have u see a noisy person give a false alarm(e.g. OMG I LOST MY PHONE. *5 min later* oops its in my pocket). and how many times has a more quiet person done the same?


i realise this post focuses alot of good and evil...and noisy or silent people.

why?

because obviously, these 2 things have a great impact on me.

cos.

evil people are everywhere.

noisy poeople are everywhere.

i noticed the 2 are usually the same group of people.

but still, this entry isnt totally about that =)



the fine line between EVIL and REALISTIC.

in truth, both these groups are not GOOD people.

but realistic is not EVIL as well.

realistic is when u realise the harsh reality of this world and DEAL WITH IT.

ignorance is when u dont accept reality.

evil is when u hate reality and want it all to be destroyed.

good is when u see reality and want to MAKE IT BETTER FOR EVERYONE.

thats how i see it.



now i think about it...this is my 'evolution' starting from last year.

sec 4.
the good boy with a low profile. usally quiet, doesnt talk much.

post o lvl.
the good boy with a low profile. still same.

poly orienation period.
realism starts to get me abit...

post poly orientation period.
NOISY. i have been influenced by all the nonsense.

poly semester 1.
REALISM smacks me in the balls. i start being that way. EVIL starts to infest me. i slowly realise my flaw and remember how i used to be. i start getting more quiet again.

RECENT.
still realistic. constantly trying my best to be GOOD again. talks as little as i used to.

yeah...it sounds lame...but maybe u would understand me.



i will probrably write more entries like this. not too often though, or people might stone me to death.

1st day of nov semester

school today. was fagging. boring.

DAMNED. BORING.

id say its cos of the lecturer. (tha same guy who taught the most boring lesson in semester 1)

i even SLEPT during the lecture.

that shows how flipping boring it was.

and its every monday. GAH!!!!

what a way to spend every monday.



i saw doreen today. FINALLY.

i missed her alot.

her hair has changed.

no longer standing up at the back.

she looks...different now...

somehow, more feminine.

but shes still same as ever! well...other then CERTAIN STUFF. hahaha.

wish her all the best.

she says she will keep me updated.

and i too will keep her updated.

what a nice person.



i left the school early.

cos the rest wanna go watch a movie.

like. what the hell.

i have no mood. esp after the super boring lesson.

they are still the wild people anyways. best at enjoying themselves and wasting time. hoho. well whats important is they have fun anyways.



met qian ning and lindee at the bustop by coincidence.

qian ning...looks different. no longer the goody gal she looked like. (not that she was EVER a goody gal...hehe)

as for lindee...oh she still looks the same. the same quite attractive young gal. ha. her hair colour has changed though.

i apparently seemed the blur guy with them. just cos i keep saying 'huh'. well...cant blame me!!! qian nings voice is too 'squeaky' and i was listening to my MP3. qian ning found it abit irritating. lindee seemed amused probrably cos i seem pretty clownish at these times -.-

its unintentional. geez.



then uh...i got off the bus...managed to see some sec school familiers.

damn...they still seem as ummature and stupid as ever! unbelievable.

though i did meet one of my 'respected juniors'.

he too, hasnt changed. still the smart lad. still the good boy. not like those others maggots i saw. heh.



then i got home.

Science Centre

On the 3rd of november, i went to the Science Centre, with Abby, Theresa, and Nicholas (Theresa's bro)

it was fun.

more fun then anytime i went before.

probrably because i forgot how fun such a place is. and also because i had to oppurtunity to rediscovered the place with my fine friends.

did i mention it was fun?

abby took some pics.

my fav

we look damn good dont we? im in the bhb mood pardon me.

it was also the first time i ate the mysterious food item called SPACE ICE CREAM.

yes people.

first time.

to those who havent eaten it, a word of advice.

dont bite or chew it.

just let it melt.

or ull regret it when u finish. XD

oh yeah. it costs (a ridiculous price of) S$3.50

hmm, as usual i dont give much details eh?

all u people need to noe is. i had fun =)

thats what ur here to noe rite? hehe

Ying Hui

another thing. seems ying hui can now read me like a book. impressive.

he says im the guy who noes him best.

and now i think, he is problrably the guy who noes me best as well.

he even noes certain things about me i barely bother remember, or even TOLD anyone. he just says, it seems like me. and somehow he is pretty damn correct.

guess we 2 are simply...

brothers beyond blood.

brothers beyond words.

ice skating is flipping. damn. fun.

indeed.

it is.



on 28th oct, is my very good friend/brother, fukun's, birthday.

it was the first time in a loooong time, 'the guys' and me got together again for a meet.

other then us guys, there were the china people as well (fukun's gf side of the family).



sooo...ice skating is damn fun.

and also, a good place to mix around with gals. yes, indeed.

why? (need u ask?)

cos its a good excuse to help gals who dunno how to skate. and sometimes collisions happen. dont need to say more. XD



in the beginning, i couldnt even STAND witout holding to the rail like some baby. like 2 hand on the side handle and STURGGLING to move o witout falling. looked pretty stupid i think...

by the 2nd hour, i could finally skate properly...as in...not 'walk' on the ice, and move with some speed. it was great.

onli time i kinda fell was when i went with 2 others. one fall, all fall. thankfully i onli landed on one knee onli. no big deal. but ya know what. falling down was the most fun. daniel agrees too. hahahaha.

fukun and daniel fell the most. or actually, i think FUKUN.

he is fearless on the skating rink. so he simply not cautious about kissing the ice. it was pretty funny watching him continuously fumble and slide. EVIL.

other then that...not much else about the birthday outing is worth mentioning.

so.................

btw the end of this week, i would have earned about $571.

thats like. half a-fagging K. and i earned it all with my sweat and BLOOD!

ok, all i do is sit in the office and do boring stuff like filing or admin stuff...so i exaggerate...who cares XD.


i rarely go on shopping sprees (or shopping at all) but i think one should be coming up soon...hoho...



anyways.

hmm. had a great time chatting with theresa and abby yesterday.

theresa, because of some very interesting information.

and abby, because i was reminded of how things should be.

ill not elaborate on either. i just wish to put it down on this blog. just so humans noe. (yeah YOU HUMIESSS!!!)



tmrw ill be meeting up with my gang of brothers again. its been a long time.

we guys...dont need to talk to each other to noe we care. its an unspoken thing among guys. and saying it out loud would just make it weird.

or rather...id say my group of friends are all the independant solo-ists who dont need humans to survive. (well maybe fukun cant survive witout his galfriend?)

we dont ask each other out EVAR (onli thomas bothers about outings...i dunno why). we dont talk much at all, especially now all of us have gone separate ways.

but still, i believe we have a deep connection in us that goes far beyond verbal communication and physical distance.

the cheesy typical 'brotherhood' among guys XD

BAHA.

i terribly miss my friends.

even those who i didnt talk to much.

as long as i had some fondness for them.

my secondary school friends would be obvious.


most of all rite now would be fukun and ying hui. where are the brothers! geez!


the scgs gals i used to talk to often...i am also remindd of them. hmm...i feel so...left out of thier lives now. haiz.

kk, enough self pity.

so. right off the bat.

firstly.

out of boredom, and probrably cos of a little curiousity inspired from theresa's blog, i went to xia xue's blog.

now people. let me make clear. i dislike xia xue. overrated. soooo overrated. for various reasons which i shall not explore further into, i dislike her.

there ARE certain issue i do come to agree with her. but most times, i find she complains so much that i find im tempted to just give a comment for her to stfu. but alas, my logic tells me its useless.

so lets see. thanx to theresa, i came to realie that 'xia xue' thinks handicap people should let others use facilities that are more meant for them more freely.

i myself, have never went into a handicap toilet, nor a mrt lift, and i am always trying to avoid ramps whenever its crowded.

so. first thing that came to my mind when i was reading 'xia xue's ' entry.

in japan, there are lifts in the train stations for handicap people to use as well, similar to Singapore. *in fact, Singapore is catching up to japan still. no matter.*

well the thing is, anyone with walking legs NEVER uses the lift. the lift is constantly STAGNANT and is never in use even when the place is damn crowded.

the onli people who use it are handicap people.

same goes for the handicap toilets. u will never see a people outside a handicap toilet, waiting.

what does this mean?

it means singaporeans are still too damn lazy and unthoughtful. nonono. wait. thats abit wrong.

the truth is, japanese are much more patient and not as time conservant as singaporeans (except when it comes to work done...thats totally different).

singaporean people just cant wait at all longer then 2 minutes.

thats the prob.

somehow this ended up me praising the japanese. damn.

so anyways, the main thing is, xia xue sux, and is still too damn stupid.

*on a side note...what the fuck! she puts at the title of her blog, "Everyone's reading it." ok this is one thing...another. she put her picture with angel wings. DAMN i cant stand it! and she constantly praises herself shamelessly. actually this is alrite for humour but whats shes doing is like ARRRGH* (sorry. its a rant. not a note.)

ok. now. 2nd thing on my mind.

ivan came over today. one thing he said that i remember.



ivan: 'eh uh...u these days like got something wrong leh...'

vic: 'hmm? realli meh? where got sia?'

ivan: 'got. like something disturbing u alot sia. like very bothered.'

vic: '*!* yeah! thats true! for some reason i just cant figure it out...dunno...'

ivan: 'ah ok...take care lah...dont worry too much...'

vic: 'ah yeah yeah...see how lah...'

(for those of u who dunno, which im guessing is practicaly almost everyone, the way i speak varies with who im addressing at the time. this time, i was talking in singlish to suit the person)


so yeah. even he can see it. is it realli so serious? hmm...




work sux. i know.




i went to take a look at watched today, in tampines mall. there are 2 watches i have my eye on. both timex. one is 99. another is 149. i shall have to consider once i have my pay.

lets see. if all goes well, my pay should be 400 by friday.

400
-150 (watch. price varying.)
250

250
-100 (rendering marker set.)
150

150
-100 (cloths. very unpredictable cost.)
50

50 remaining. probrably to my parents. i feel ashamed as it is giving so little. >_<

so. im posting a bit past midnight.

yesterday, abby came back. it was on my mind for awhile, especially in the morning.

i didnt think about it again till late at night.

and for some reason, i cant remember, i went to dictionary.com.

i simply couldnt remember why i went there.

but then i saw a 'word of the day' rite at the bottom of the screen

i decided to scroll down further and a take a look.

the word was 'lackadaisical'.

now for those of u who dont noe. thats one the word that abby likes. and she has that word in her msn nick all the time.

i was abit shocked and amazed.

rite on the day she came back. weird.

so anyways.

i cant wait for my pay. damn.

ah materialism is kicking in.

1. a new watch.
2. rendering markers.
3. cloths.

this will probrably blow all my earnings but hey i think those stuff are important.




for some reason theres something thats lingering at the back of mind.

its the feeling of slight dread...or something i somehow havent resolved yet.

a negative feeling thats abit bothersome.

i dont have much of an idea what it is...quite undefined.

lets see...here are some of the things i have concluded of whats bothering me.
in no particular order.

• schools starting and i feeling like works gonna be like hell again.
• i havent been communicating with my friends much and somehow i feel...bad.
• i shouldnt be thinking the way i should be and i just cant convince myself otherwise!
• i keep thinking my dad dislikes me playing games and so whenever i play, it gets me very uncomfortable and bothered.

i think those are the biggest things.

rite now, im thinking its a bit of all of them, not not much of the playing games part...

its all the little things...ha.




im talking to joel now. (my secondary school mate, not the prick in my current school)

one thing i love talking to him about.

SELF REALISATION.

he is constantly discovering new things about the way he thinks and opinions of other people.

he tells me his thoughts.

i find it immensely interesting.

not because he is JOEL but because he is someone who tells me how he feels about things and all. he is deep thinker thats different.

ordinary people who say they think deeply usually say that just to make people think they always think alot and are wise or wadever shit.

but my friend here doesnt do that. he simply thinks about things, and expresses his desire to find out the reason behind it, or simply share his thoughts so i might give insight.

to share ur thoughts with another friend, and discuss ideas and possiblities.

i truly do like that.

*note: i often do this alone as well with just me thinking of different possiblities and outcomes of things. i believe this is called hypothesising. my friend abby calls it assuming and dislikes it.*

*cough*



so...i think thats enough for today. i hope it stops raining in the day.

hmm.

so im pretty bored.

today is my first day of work. it was alrite.

i had to sort out and arrange papers in proper order for filing. i went through about 4 thousands sheets of paper for the day.

anyways. im bored.

lemme type crap.

yesterday i saw 2 girls as i was walking home from whitesands. i just glanced at them. i onli saw the face of 1 gal. but damn that gal is mighty damn fine. nice bod and pretty face and all. but ya noe what. i didnt look much. i cant figure out why. she was looking at me as we passed, that i noe. and she glanced back at me as i was checking her out. i was thinking *what a waste*

another thing.

my sex drive is lowwwwwww. i need an aphrodisiac or something. HA. i probrably spent too much of my hormones in the past weeks or something. now please people dont think off track haha.

one last thing.

i think ivan is full of bullshit. and thats probrably the most logical thing in this entry. thank u.

*Note: the ivan i state is from my secondary school. not the ivan from neon. spank u very much.*

i was chatting with theresa.

ok. casual talk. smooth.

towards the end, she tells me something. she says she regrets.

alrite. for some reason, i feel abit negative about it. i say negative cos its undefined but its definitely not positive.

why?

because i was the one that encouraged her.

isnt it a tad bit sad? or maybe...more of guilty?

hmm...its hard to explain why these slight human emotions eh?


so aside from that.

i feel like typng out more liberal stuff about my feelings.

but damn.

im getting to feel people out there who read my blog would catch on stuff and start gossip and rumour or just plain annoy me for the fun of it (like a secondary school kiddo).

u noe the feeling. the sense of being judged.

im one who doesnt believe in conceiling myself. well...more of the psych then the physical point of view.

so truly i have nothing to hide. but it does get annoying sometimes. foo's


theres a difference between ignoring and being unbothered.

do u noe?

i didnt even realise abby was gone till i check her blog for update.

lemme tell ya, i was like totally STUNNED.

i didnt noe she was gonna be gone so soon?!?!

hmm. and she put in her blog in small text.
*ps. miss me. HEH*

well damn.

Moments Before Slumber

yesterday as i was laying on my bed waiting to sleep, i typed this on my phone.

'U noe that feeling where u cant help someone u care about and it hurts being so useless? thats how i always feel around her.'

yeap. thats how i feel.

haiz.

today, went out with nurul and felicia, my 2 great galfriends from secondary school.

actually, ema was supposed to come, but u noe what. im glad ema didnt come.

yeah.

why?

cos i not as close to ema, and ema to me, is just plain damn NOISY and annoying cos of the way she thinks.

now u noe =)


so...it was fun!

esp playing the arcade with them. havent had that much fun in a long time...seriously...i forgot the joys of just having fun with a small group of friends.

u wont be left out. u wont feel out of place. ull always be part of it.

i miss that =)

they are both still the same. yeah...still the same kinda crazy gals who go crazy over stupid stuff. and probrably im still pretty the same? haha. the sarcarstic nice guy. am i rite girls?

nurul said i look older...and people, dont be mistaken. she doesnt mean im more MATURE. she just means i look more HAGGARD since sec school.

well nurul, come to design school for a semester and thats what happens eh? or maybe its just me XD

hmm...nurul...ur hair. u rebonded it. my goodness. DIFFERENT I TELL U. its a slight shock for me. but honestly...i think u look more girly now. after all, ur hair is more 'flowing' now and i like that.

the 3 of us watched 'The Brothers Grimm'

it is a SICK SHOW but damn its pretty good. its WIERD and SICK and humourous at the same time. seriously very surreal feeling about it. at least to me.

nurul and feli were scared lots of times during the movie.

ESPECIALLY FELICIA.

goodness...she got so scared she almost pressed her whole head unto my shoulder, though lots of times she was like gonna grab my arm in fear. (btw i actually wouldnt mind either of the 2 HAHAHAHA im sick)

hmm...after the movie, nurul saw some guy she has some interest in. for goodness sakes. feli and me were like getting dragged abit by nurul cos of that. she SO wanna see these 2 guys but shes totally over reacting. so feli was like 'grrr' and i was just smiling away as usual though it was abit annoying XD

and AFTER that...MORE arcade. HAHAHA

damn i got bullied in racing games by them, in particular NURUL. shes a total savage in racing games. yes people. she beat me TWICE in those racing games.

but dont get mistaken!

just cos she beat me doesnt mean shes more skillful. yes! its true! why, u ask?

because she constantly banged into me and made my car go haywire. all the while while i was trying NOT to nudge unto thier cars. damn. being a gentlemen aint worth it sometimes -.-

so after that...nurul went camera crazy and INSIST she wants photos taken. well ok...i dont mind...though feli grumble again...haha

pictures...felicia say she look terrible in the pictures. but honestly i think i look as bad? oh well. perhaps its vanity.

hmm. thats all?

back

hohoho!

im back from japan.

though this post is a tad bit late seeing as i landed in singapore yesterday at 1730hrs.

ah...japan is a great place. but still I PREFER SINGAPORE. yeap...thats rite.

japan is damned stylish and cool, the gals are flippin cute and hot, and thier shopping is INSANE.

but hell, i still prefer singapore cos singapore has the safer kinda feeling and is actually more peaceful then japan. yeah people...im a damn home boy -.-


so...i wanna thank my pals in PID who actually went to the airport to recieve those of us returning from japan.

it was weird seeing them at the other sight of the glass wall.

i was walking along and there was a group of young teens, which were definifetly very different from the rest of the crowd. there were a whole mass, together, and they were very excited.

in a split second, even witout seeing thier faces, i could tell. it was them. my course mates. they FUCKING ROCK! and i miss them to bits.

then as i got closer, they saw me too, and i got a closer look, from the left to the right of the group. i saw con first, the cherrie. and as i scanned the whole group, i saw more familier faces, like shirley, zhen hao, vanessa.

but yet as i saw them, and they saw me, and thier faces were lit with excitement, i merely smiled weakly and waved pathetically, and walked on by to take my luggage.

and i noticed, all my friends after me also did the same thing. its strange!

when i went out of the gates to see them, they told me they actually pasted a whole row of cardridge paper which they painted on to welcome to us back, but NONE of those from japan even noticed it!

but i had to go home with my dad so i didnt talk much with them. left pretty soon.

so these are some things i note when i saw them.

if my eyes do not lie, i believe cherrie is actually THINNER then she was before i left, if thats even possible.

constance did some changes to her hair. hmm...not a bad change...haha.

joy looks prettier then before...hmmmmmmmm...i think its her complexion. and i think she gotten thinner? not sure.

the rest...still looks pretty much same...haha.

i miss siti, nurul and feli. havent talked in a looooong time.

im currently in japan.

japan rox.

the girls are so KAWAII!

and yes yes...the guys are cute too -.- cant deny.

ok.

not much time to talk.

i shall speak more when i have more time.

this is the last entry till i come back from japan on the 26th.

i will miss home and singapore terribly.

even before i leave, i can feel it.

please do not contact me during from the 17th to 26th as my phone will not be with me.

ahhhh!

i miss this place already. damn. hopefully when i go there ill feel better.

till then my friends!

im flying on a jet plane.

alrite folks. im going to japan.

my secondary school friends. hah. dont be jealous. dont miss me too much. i miss u too.

my poly friends. hmm...miss me? doubt it lah. haha. maybe some?

i have onli one fear when i go japan.

that my mates will behave like monkeys and wanna have fun instead of learning stuff. wont say who after all just thinking.

so...what do i hope to achieve there?

learn lots of stuff.
have lots of fun.
meet the locals.
meet hot chicks. XD

hoho. cant help saying the last bit there.

hmm...

i had a little chat with abby.

all ill say is, i felt like a slight burden got lifted from my shoulders.

im getting pretty pathetic now. still remember how id used to handle such things.

so hmm...i wanna say

abby is a great gal. (most times)

fun, loving, and caring.
someone who cares about her friends alot.
thats what i like about her.

abby is a scary girl (some times)

temperamental, confusing, and cold.
someone whose attitude can run out of control.
thats what i dislike about her.


i wanna say abby is realli so damn freakin nice.

but when i remember some things...i wouldnt lie to myself.

but dont be fooled.

abby is still a very nice gal. (and shes pretty flippin hot to boot in my opinion)

and i hope everyone would see her as that.

i noe some people dislike her. and these people are being pretty stupid. i mean...i can see why abby can be a pain sometimes. but i dont see how anyone would wanna intentionally try to hurt her? shes nicer then she is 'unnice' XD.

ah im tired.

yeah this post says i started at 9.13PM.

but i started writing this post onli at about 1.30am

so yeah...
MINE EYES!
THEY BURNETH!
yes it is realli burning now >_<

i think this entry is a little poorly written.

Finally, now i can rest.

pass few days have been super freakin stress.

almost no sleep for a few days.

ive recovered already i guess.

but i feel pretty empty inside.

its strange being so free.

and not only that, now thats its all over, i have more time to dwell on...subjects that i find quite painful at times.

hopefully the feeling will fade off. cos i dont think theres anything i can do about it. or maybe i dont have the movitation to do so.


today i went back to school. to play basketball. but of course, took some time for that. we PID people had fun in the studio first with authentic TABLE PING PONG.

thats rite folks, u can onli find it in the PID studios cos no other studio has such cool tables and such fine-ass layout.

but i didnt play much.

why?

because truth be told, i was laying my ass in the IMD studio.

probrably because i was bored staying in the Pid studio and so decided to see who still doing work in IMD.

the only people i usually go to visit the place for are jasmine and rika. cos they are freakin amusing. total jap fanatics. of course, theres abby. but things get quiet sometimes and i dont realli like that feeling around her.

so i went to play basketball with my brethren.

all like mad people anyhow throwing balls. it was a funny sight to behold.

i merely sat there with my white umbrella i left at school opened up, to shade me from the scorching heat.

cute doreen soon joined me under the shade. well i dont blame her. it was flippin hot and she was playing with a mini skirt on and black top. not a very good combination.

then went off to play badminton. but damn! the hall fagging hall FILLED with tables and chairs for exams.

so i just went home. was pretty damn sian lah.

maybe it was all those freakin sentimental songs in my mp3 player.

as night came, that sickening sense of extreme lonliness that comes every few weeks once again came back to haunt me. damn! it gets so bad i dont noe what to do.

siti is busy. so i dont wanna disturb her.

theres no one else i would like to turn to. theres no one i feel as comfortable with. nurul comes close though. maybe ill call her.

gets me down.

Please

please bring me back to the old days.

please make me a good person again.

please make me love so much the way i used to.

please make me tolerate the world like i did.

please bring back the way i used to enjoy everyday.

please bring back my optimism.

please take away my realism.

please bring my valour and generousity back.


the old days...how i relished them.

it makes me sad thinking of it.

especially how ive changed.

how much i used to love.

now i see i have been planted with hate and tension in such a short time.

is this how the real world is like?

a place where u could end up being torn apart by competition.

a place where feelings are second place to goals.

to be the best. how come things have changed so much?


i had never wanted to be the best.

i had onli wanted to be the one to enjoy my life.

is growing up like this?


i dont feel hopeless.

i onli feel...lost...

theres a difference.

Fear

Fear

so first thing.

i read her blog. she says she cant stand guys who sweet talk. sickens her.

so like. im wondering. did i do that to her before? not sure.

she says she cant stand it. also says its obvious wad the person says is fake. says go chase some other girl.

ok...

it is not stated who she is refering to.

if its me, can someone kill me? i dont think ive sweet talked her and faked it? honestly i dont think ive lied to her for anything. hope im rite.

if its not me, then uh...i feel sorry for that person. (wonder who else chase her.)

so yeah. not sure, but there is fear in my heart. dont wanna assume too much.

so. thats the first thing on my mind now.

next. work.

so i hear and also believe, that the PID lecturers want less PID students, so they are more strict and heck the students who dont bother.

why? because PID is overcrowded. ok, i noe all design course this year are over crowded.

but other course in design dont have to use workshop intensively. and the workshop is SERIOUSLY OVERCROWDED. its becoming an issue that a concern to the whole PID. im quite sure the director has been alerted.

so. to have lesser students, make it hard for those students who lag or who dont bother, till they dont wish to go on. its cruel but hey...thats life. thats what i believe the lecturers are doing. the more observant PID students have been discussing it. those who think our hypothesis is ridiculous, kindly do not debate with me.

its quite scary. i dont think ill end up kicked out. but still, it brings some fear to me, cos im not totally unfeeling for others.

the PID students who have fear in thier hearts are staying overtime in school to finish thier work. i for one, have been staying in school from 9 to 9 for the past week, and probrably the following week.

can i just FAIL COLOUR? geez. waste of time. seriously.

ok. lets be oh-so typical and LIST DOWN THE WORK I HAVE.

FoDev
the damned sculpture. STILL LOTS TO BE DONE! need to dowel. need to glue. need to sand seal. need to spray primer. need to paint. need to DO PORTFOLIO!!! i dont wanna FAIL for this!!!

ComDI
going to be finished. last lesson on tuesday. should pass. all depends on sunday meeting progress. PASS AND ILL BE HAPPY.

CreTH
finished. got C for first project. A for second project. so im guessing ill get a B overall. good. no more classes for this. thank goodness.

DesMe
ill pass. finish. probrably a B.

Colour
FUCK COLOUR! FUCK THE 40x40 CUBE! FUCK CHINGAY!

Perspective and Freehand Drawing
onli the A1 drawing of an SLR Camera left. 35% for that. thus far, ill definitely get an A. but i want a DISTINCTION for this. thats rite. A DISCTINCTION. i aim high for my drawing. wanna be one of the best for drawing by the end of my education here.

Model Making.
ok. ill probrably get an A or B once i finish my last project. easy.


so. main prob is. FoDev and Colour. AHHHH!!! both involve painting. DAMN!

forget it...ill get it done in the end, as always.

Tears

yesterday night was another freakin emotional night.

some tears were shed.

no one made me pissed.

no one upset me.

it was just me thinking again.

it was onli the moments just before slumber that it happened.

i even wrote it in my phone...just because i wanted to noe why i was so emotional.

this is what i typed:

Lying on my bed, listing to é cardigans. I think about . Thoughts flood my mind. Does she like me! I...Realli. Realli miss her. Tears start surfacing. I realli miss her... i saw her today. But it seems so heck. I think everytime i see her shes doing work. If onli i could just talk to her. Away from work. Away from distractions! Is work whats killing love? I dont noe what im thinking anymore. When i think about it, i feel more tears. Tears...


yeap...thats what i typed...

bear in mind yesterday i was freakin emotional.

thanx to a previous meeting with my old friends Joel and Ivan, it realli stirred up my emotions. mainly due to a Ivan actually.

lets see...talking to him reminds me of relationships. talking to him makes me think like im so high and mighty cos i always give him advice. but damn...my mentaily of my own self i sickening!

i used to hold being humble very importantly. but now im changing into a proud person. soon ill turn arrogant and then even a these old friends of mine would lose respect for me.

it gets me down.

so yeah...relationships and me becoming a worse human. damn!

i dunno how screwed up my thinking was yesterday night but its a fact that i realli felt so sad cos of her. its not her fault of course. its just like that...and i dont think i can make it right myself.

leave it to fate...thats the easiest...but the damn SLOWEST! cos theres no control over it.

kk i write more next time. now bz.

No Regrets

No Regrets

shes scary. what can i say?

well. no regrets. no remorse.

id rather be myself all the way then change for love. love isnt about changing anyways. its about accepting.

thats actually very subjective...

i used to change for love...change change change...

after all, if u want people to change, u have to change urself. thats what i believed. and hey...its true! forcing people wont help. changing urself is the best way to get what u want.

but. ive learnt that this DOESNT apply to love.

i had a girl once. things were fine. when things werent, i changed. i changed and changed...just to make it better. just so things would be ok.

i would change for love.

but after awhile...i asked myself. was i realli doing the correct thing? changing myself...would it be changing my love? would i be changing myself, and what made me love her...and her love me...JUST FOR THE SAKE OF FEELING THAT!

just for that feeling of HAVING SOMEONE THERE TO LOVE.

just for that, i would lie to my ownself. and live as if nothing was wrong.

but of course. things WERE wrong. and when they werent at first, they WOULD be. after awhile, we couldnt accept each other anymore. i couldnt lie to myself anymore. i dont want a love, just for fun, just cos im lonely, just cos theres SOMEONE.

dammit.

i had no regrets on that decision. that was last september.

after that, i nvr had much crave anymore. let it be.

after o levels, i felt so lonely. life was so meaningless. idleness and sloth. day by day. but...i nvr let my feelings consume me.

i met a girl during this time. ok...i met lots of girls, but this girl, what can i say, i liked her. no big deal. her name is shin yi.

at first...i wasnt all that bothered about her. looks didnt influence me since the past relationship. and slowly...though very naturally and unforced... i saw that she was a realli nice girl. yeah yeah...TYPICAL. but when i say NICE about people (esp in this context)...i realli mean they are nice BEYOND normal humans. of course, she has her own evil side...which all humans have...but that expected...

so...after a few weeks...i guess i kind of developed feelings for her...maybe cos i was lonely...maybe cos she was the most attractive new friend i knew...maybe cos WADEVER. but i had some feelings for her, though slight. she had some feelings for me, probrably JUST SLIGHTLY (im not assuming here). it was slow. but i liked it. we were never bothered about it. talking to her would just be...so entertaining and interesting.

but things didnt work out. as usual. i was totally fine about it actually. totally! even though i knew i wouldnt be with her, i knew...it was fine...because we were close friends before all that...and what i wished most...was just for her friendship...that was the main thing...the CORE of our relation. and that alone...would be alrite for me. having her for a gf would just be like a plus. HA. (i cant believe i actually thought that way...so surreal)

then during poly.

i as usual, gaurded myself from getting lured by looks. i would not fall for such simple temptations.

stuff did happen eventually. but shut up about them.

so recently, im talking to that gal shin yi. no. i have no more of those feelings for her. but i am still interested in her life and whether she is fine.

i dunno why im typing all these stuff now. i lost the meaning some paragraphs ago.

now, this post is also a tribute to SHIN YI!

to this girl, i have had not any regrets knowing. now now shin yi dont be shy.

can u see the meaning here?

i never had to change myself for her. we saw each other as it was, and it was alrite. if things wouldnt work out...why make a big fuss about it. it was PEACEFUL. and i love my peace.

if a love is so disruptive, then why bother having it. even all the mortal happines u experience wont be enough if u have a love thats DISRUPTIVE. cos that kind of love is MORTAL SORROW to the limit. some love.

this doesnt mean im comparing any future to my past. no...i wouldnt be so blind.

i noe. i assume alot. all the time. maybe im assuming EVERYTHING u say and even JUST said? i dunno. realli. when i assume things, it doesnt mean i believe its SURELY true. its just a hypothesis. the most logical explaination i can think of FROM WHAT INFORMATION I HAVE. i like thinking of things like that...and if it bothers anyone...then thats who i am. want me to change what i am since the start of sec 1? this is what i do.

maybe ill regret some stuff i ASSUMED. but ill NEVER regret being my own self. no matter what.

all im saying...is that.

figure it out.

Constraint

Constraint

damn.

wei jie told me about spraying sculptures. and he is telling me work faster! damn!

i still havent finished with everything on my sculpture. still need to slice certain parts. itll be very fast to do, but still, im too slow!!! i will not be left behind!!!

its not like im slow or anything compared to the whole PID freshman batch but...i dont wanna be just the OK type. i wanna be one of the BETTER students, especially when it comes to stuff i like! comdi and colour can go screw off, but others like FoDev and ModMa...i wont allow myself to be taken so lightly...

HIAAAAAA! ILL WORK HARDER DAMMIT!

Swings

Swings

friday was yet another day i felt like i was pretty down and full of the blues.

not particularly SAD or anything but just...not ALIVE.

the kind of day where ur un-lively aura just seeps into the atmosphere and people will go like "hey man u dont seem alrite today...u ok?". THAT kind of day.

i had a little chat with rachel. shes also sad and down in the dumps. when we were chatting, though i didnt realise it, our so called GLOOM aura was pretty alarming. cos apparently, hui leng, who was sitting nearby, told us she was getting a little uncomfortable around us...like the air so heavy...then she moved away slowly from us... lol. it was pretty amusing.

so when i finally got to go home. GAWD was i thankful. the weekdays have ENDED! whew.

but it was talking to her just a bit that made me feel better.

honestly, i dunno what the hell is up with me. haha...one moment im so pissed then the next thing, i am tamed so simply! im a little shamed by that actually...to think ive become so unstable. heh.

sometimes i get the feeling she doesn't give a damn about me.

<edited on 1.32am 13/08/05 cos the original was just too disturbing to my eyes.>

Ineffeciency

Ineffeciency

today is a damn shitty day.

yeah. A SHITTY DAY!

i dont usually type my daily happenings and all that cause i noe its freakin BORING. hell when people just DRONE on about stuff in thier lives that no one gives a damn about, its freakin dull ya noe? at least give some INSIGHT people!

if u dont like that kinda stuff, DONT READ FURTHER cos i wanna type it out anyways to destress.

so the main reason why im pretty ticked off is cause today so much time is wasted on doing NONSENSE.

first off, my class at 9 ended early today, at 1020. yeah. freakin early. so me and a group of people went off to play pool. yeah. just till about 1 or 2 pm. no prob.

but then...as usual. its all these LITTLE THINGS that piss me off in the end.

the pool game was fine at first. but after awhile, things just got FREAKIN BORING. like...i hadnt eaten anything yet and was feeling weak, and my playing was being hindered cause of that. practically and obviously, i was having a BAD TIME playing. even if i wasnt performing that badly, i just wasnt feeling any VIBES.

then when u get bored, u dont care, and u keep missing, and all that stuff.

so the vicious cycle just went on till about 2:30 i left. and i had a class at 3. colour class. presentation. and my group had prepared NOTHING.

so i was like...*why the hell did i turn up man...sure...the presentation is 10% of my marks but honestly, i dont realli care!*

in the end, i just made like a stone and talked a little. florence saved my ass from mark damnation anyways. shes a pretty smooth talker with good nerves.

at that time, STILL wasnt so bad. still fine.

since the workshop was about to close anyways soon, (cos the time was 5. workshop closes at 5.30) i decided id not do my work yet with so little time left. i would just relax, eat and then proceed to do my work diligently in the workshop after that.

as i was about to go eat by myself, my friend timothy called, asking me to eat in mensa with him. but i turned him down cos at that time, my other friend asked me too, personally. and i believed i would have more fun with them. fun so i can destress a little before working.

but they realli noe how to FREAKIN WASTE TIME! dammit! today, the workshop is open later then usual SPECIFICALLY so that we can do extra work to finish our sculptures on time. and these people still have a ways to go even before they can say ALMOST finished. and they can stll just sit there and laugh and have fun and not have a care in the world. dammit ya noe...these sculptures take ALOT OF TIME. not even the so called 'LAO DA' wei jie would DARE say he is going to be done soon.

i get so sick of wasting time when i should be doing my work! i feel as if im lagging behind already!

theres a time to be crazy, be mad, and just be WHACKED UP...but these extra time to do our work should be taken seriously if he want to stay back for that.

im not gonna go out and eat with them next time during these days. im not gonna bother so much about them now.

IN THE END, BEING THE SOLO I WAS IS STILL THE WAY!

a solo who is friendly but in heart, is still independent and survives ALONE.

GUILT

GUILT

a story.

as i awaiting to go home from my grandma's house, i was constantly reminding myself to go online to chat with abby.

constantly telling myself. i dont wanna miss this.

so i arrived back home.

eta: 2040

lots of time i realised.

then my bro wanted to go watch a movie.

a movie.

i was reluctant. would i miss the chance?

but i went anyway.

the time slot was 2150.

i went in. hoping that the movie would end early.

soon i realised.

it wasnt going to happen. no time.

i was thinking i should tell her. dont wait for me. dont...

but i didnt.

I. DIDNT.

2330

i still didnt tell her. i was feeling a little worried.

i shrugged it off. shrugged it off.

eta: 0030

i arrive home. i immediately go online.

i see her nick.

immediately i feel bad.

then i wonder. did she update her blog.

she did.

as i read. i feel knives stabbing me.

in the heart. rite through. again and again.

i feel like a ASSHOLE. a JERK.

for a MOVIE. i went ahead despite my RELUCTANCE.

i did not tell her.

p.s.: HOW COULD I

Helix

Helix

cheerful guises make me sad. and then. utterly irritated.

understand?

anyways

i have a long time belief that all our lives (and nature, for that matter) follows a pattern called a helix.

a helix, for those who do not noe, is a type of shape that goes in spirals.

for example, DNA is in the shape of a double helix

so. anyone who has taken pure bio (dunno about sub bio though) would noe that a helix in 2D would signify the population of animals over a range of time in a habitat.

the animals in a habitat constantly increase and decrease in population, but NVR die out totally as long as nothing ruins it. things like people, or natural disasters. wadever.

so as for human lives.

what i believe, is our lives are also run that way. there are realli good days. and then, following after that, there are terrible days u wanna just heck it all.

just like a helix, constantly going on, but yet going in circles.

originally, what i believed was our lives were like a CIRCLE.

but i realised shortly, thats not possible, as our lives are ongoing, not repeating.

after typing all that stuff. what i wanna say is.

im think im in of of those time where im gonna take a visit to the bottom again.

cos i noe. the past weeks have been jolly fun. and recently, things have been looking a little more dull. and today, are reading and analyzing a little bit of text, i think i can sense an incoming deluge of sorrow or anger. i may be wrong, but i think i am quite right.

i think it started from a little conversation that was probrably just a meaningless venting of anger. but still, from such 'meaningless' actions, a few things can already be deduced.

p.s.: i think i am correct. till 25.

Missing

Missing

shes always away.

even when shes not away, we dont have much to say.

when we do have something to say, its like it turns out interesting...in a certain unfun way.

like some kind of phantom barrier.

i think the prob is more of me rather then her. even though shes still as always sober about life in general.

my blog posts are getting more and more boring. sorry readers. hopefully its just a phase. as always.

i noe im dropping big clues as to who this lass is. but hey. if i cant put thoughts on this blog. where else can i?

i have nvr much bothered keeping my thoughts private anyways.

p.s.: i am somehow eager for comdi class now. ha. how quick things change.

Introspection

Introspection

i read my more recent past entries.

what i can deduce is:

• i talk to much crap.
• im still as indecisive as ever when it comes to love.
• im not getting any wiser.
• i might be getting stupider.
• im not focusing on work enough.

p.s.: discontentment

Birthday

in case u didnt noe, my birthday was on the 21th july.

thanx to all those who wished me happy birthday.

most of all, i wanna thank abby, doreen and rachel.

abby gave me some origami. haha. it doesnt look impressive to some but i noe that what she did took quite some effort and time. esp for the 8 sided star. thats pretty tedious to make.

doreen, i wanna thank for reminding the others about my birthday and thinking of stuff to get me. THANX!!!

rachel was the one who bought the 'im horny' shirt rite after doreen told her of my birthday. im realli touched about that.

thankfully the guys didnt fulfill thier birthday bash. i doubt i could take 17 minutes of beating, much less 17 smacks from each.

nvr thought it would be such a great day. hoho.

my onli regret is not being able to go out with abby. heh. ill make it up to u gal!

p.s.: im so grateful. for everything.