Nights of silent sorrow that reach far within the darkest depths of nothingness.

I dont know how to pray this. So I have decided I will type it out.

I am angry. Upset. Tired.

God, I am angry, upset and tired. Not at you. Definitely not. But at your people. I am upset that those who planned the Christmas party did not consult us, the Logistics team. And then they expect us to go through with the decoration like it is our job. They thought of the concept and when they were satisfied, left the work to us to do. I really do feel this way, like they are throwing their job to us. They speak to the crowds and build the hopes up for the event and expect us to work to match up to those hopes. But I cannot see it Lord, I cannot! Each time I hear them my heart worries as I just don't see it. It falls to us to work!!!

Dear God, I am very very very angry when I think about it all!

Now for this week I have to work on the decor everyday. I never wanted this but somehow it became my problem.

I am sacrificing my time to do this when I barely feel their presence. I NEVER WANTED TO DO THIS BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I AM DOING EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM!

It is not just this Christmas party. I am tired of setting up decoration for events that I have no interest in and have no joy in doing whatsoever. God, if I were to serve you, I want to serve in gladness and joy, not in agony. I do not want to be a part of this any longer but I am bound by responsibility.

God, guide me in my actions and in what I do. You know me and you alone shall judge me in the coming weeks. I have decided that once I fulfill this task, I will no longer be involved in such work that pains me.

God guide me. God give me strength to do what I have to do.

God...I will continue on, because I have no choice now. They need me and that is why I continue, because I cannot just leave it without finishing. But I am resolute in my desire to no longer suffer this in the future.

Help me God.

Help me to find peace.

Help me to forgive them.

Help me to be RESOLUTE and ADAMANT for what is right and just!

Help me to do what is necessary!

Help me to love them while speaking and to act in love once it is over.

This I pray to you Lord.

Amen.

Be a volunteer

Serve with joy. You must.

This blog.

I realise all of my friends old blogs are no longer active.

Blogging was popular back in 2004.

Now no one bothers.

And yet I still blog now and then.

This blog is so very old.

It has so many memories kept inside of it.

All the good and bad experiences, the terrible writing, the totally unpolitically correct entries I used to post, the interesting stories, the rants, the many reflections and thoughts.

And yet... One day it will be left behind. All of it.

Makes me somewhat sad.

If you are an old friend of mine who knew this blog, leave me a msg.

Taylor Swift

I've slept 3 hrs in 2 days and you need to shut up.

I feel lost without her.

Lord, help. Help.