Anniversary

Anniversary

i just realised something.

ive had this blog since 28th may 2004. ok so im one day late but who freakin' cares? i sure as hell don't.

i never thought id keep this blog for so long! hahaha! this is like a small achievement. or rather, something i didn't think would happen.

some facts about this blog.:
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this blog skin has nvr been changed. not even once from the time i chose it!

this blog has survived only because of constant (irritating) requests from friends to get off my lazy ass and type stuff about my pathetic life.

no entry from this blog has ever been deleted or 'purged'. this is because i wish to retain all my emotions and feelings of the past. no deleting my shame or regret of the past.
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alrite...i think thats all i want to write relating to this so called 'Anniversary'.

my true concerns are what i wish to say now
this is addressed to her.

please don't worry about how i feel anymore. i am now fine. truly. i have gotten ur message and fully understood it. i am past the pointless emotions. i am fine =). now, i only hope that YOU are fine. i believe u are feeling far worse then me. dont think about it so much anymore! ur torturing yourself. i know...perhaps u can't help it, the feelings and thoughts just don't go away. so im guess i HOPE you will be fine.

theres no need to say sorry anymore. u didn't mean what u did, and i know ur saying sorry to make me feel better. theres no need to do so anymore. i have changed my phone picture. you are still the great friend i percieve u to be. if you are a sucker, then i am too. i have let my feelings go, but i will not let this friendship go.

you have, indeed, changed me. all my friends have. everyone around me, has shaped me into what i am now. you are no different. this life goes on, and that doesn't mean i have to leave you behind.

real friends go forth together. regardless of what happens.

p.s.: one who is emo but says nothing of it. no one realises.

Reminescience

Reminescience

today, i read jason's blog again. i read further into his past entries. simply said, i laughed my ass off reading his entries.

then after that, i thought to myself. my writing used to be funny. entertaining. nonsensical. though probrably not as good as jason's, it used to be better then it is now.

then i reread my old blog entries. i laughed to myself. memories just flood back at the details i wrote. this blog used to be consistently updated, about once a week. now i see, i no longer care as i once did.

im supposed to be writing interesting, witty stuff!

whats happened? i miss my old school friends, who in the first place, coaxed me into starting this blog. now they are no longer around to witness my energy go into this blog. in fact, they no longer care for any blog, including thier own.

stuff like my vocab, word usage, and spelling, have been poor. i never thought i'd CARE so much about my english usage.

p.s.: im no longer the same

Nil

Nil

yesterday was the 1st time in a long time i kinda cried...

no i wasnt crying uncontrollably...

just some tears.

i dunno y. i just felt so sad. like im alone. with no one to care about me.

u noe...its like...in the design school...i have lots of friends. i have lots of fun with them. talk cock sing song... but when it gets down to stuff that MATTERS...the stuff of emotions...theres NO one there.

siti is always working. fukun is busy with school stuff. nurul is also busy...

i noe. if i told them i had a prob, they would go to me. they would want to make me feel better. but its times like these u dont want to find them. u want them to come. to find U. to be THERE even if u dont say it. arent humans so selfish?

i dont want silly advise...like 'its gonna be ok', 'take it easy', 'its just like that'. i can read those out of a book titled 'typical optimistic phrases'. i guess u onli give good advice when u care.

now after all this stuff has happened...i dont wanna care about my past temptations any longer...at least not for a period of time. im gonna devote myself to my work and martial arts.

p.s.: my mental activity has slacked over the days. whats happened..?!

Back OFF

Back OFF

i dont understand...

ive been misjudged. cos of someone who says its cos shes oversensitive. i dunno if ive done anything wrong...that might upset her...whats up with this...

i just told her i hope shes not awkward...but obviously her mental tots are no longer the same once ive said what i did. dont blame me when im doing NOTHING.

sometimes im bz and i cant reply sms...and if its among friends its no big deal rite?!?! a guy should definitely reply...but sometimes...i cant be there for everyone...i onli wish i could devote my life to my friends...but i noe, if i do that id no longer exist...

im not trying to say im being bullied here...or wadever...i just wanna say what i wanna say...in my own space...

im not trying to say im like some pathetic guy or shes a bad person...

no...i believe shes a great person...

i just...feel that shes need not be so blunt...i already noe ur feelings...i already noe...but u dont have to shove it in my face...i already noe...

now this is my act of being oversensitive...i dont care

i understand and respect ur decision...our friendship is what matters...

p.s.: this is my matter. dont bug me...

Neon OEI!!!

Neon OEI!!!

alrite...i havent written in this blog for some time and lots of stuff has happened since the last entry...stuff like the FREAKIN TP CAMP!!!

the TP F.O.C (freshman orientation camp) was great maaaan...just freakin great...

i got to noe sooo many people in just 3 days!!! the activities there were just damn fun...all the cheers, HILARIOUS games, and pyscho GL's.

DAY 1

the 1st day was the shortest. my dad brought me to the camp by car. as he was driving in to the camp site, he saw this gal who was walking along side the side, so he asked her to hop in for a free ride. i was like..WHAT! cos i dont feel very comfortable with hot, female, strangers...i tend to behave like a moron -.-

but after we got off from the car, i asked her name and what course she was in..and hey! first friend from the camp! hahaha. but we went on our own ways to go to different groups. i went to a group called NEON.

so its like...i was guided to my group by a GL and all this people were sitting in a circle, just staring at other people, looking around...asking names, courses...u could c socializing everywhere! and so followed the ICE BREAKING GAMES. can i skip this part? typical ice breaking ah...meh. we also learned our cheers during this time. at first i was like...what the hell...but later i was realli on for these cheers. just fun cheering like idiots in a mass!

we also met the so called, SHIM during this day...his real name is Kai and he is FREAKIN HILARIOUS guy...he is called shim for a speical reason of course -.-

then we had the 'get-freshies-to-know-more-of-tampines-central' game! basically we got a clue and had to find places in tampines cntreal from these clues. when we arrived at the destination,we would have to do a task, and then be given another clue, rinse and repeat till all were done. just summarise lah huh -.-

i forgot whats after that game so ill just skip to SLEEP...or rather...THE LACK OF IT. u c...the fans in the hall, the place we were sleeping in, was switched off during a certain time at night, leaving us to suffer in torment, sweating buckets when we should be sound asleep. WORSE MOMENT IN CAMP EVAR! i didnt even get to sleep a wink!!!

Day 2

alrite...this day was pretty much a blur to me...as i didnt sleep atall, everything i heard, or saw was pretty much all a swirl jumbled senses...

if im not wrong the activites that dya were...the crappy morning pt...the BUCKET AND THE CONE *LMAOZ*...the HAIRY MAN HUNT!...the scavenger hunt, the performance at nite, and lastly...the 1 hr dance rave, finished by TP mass dance and the funky chicken!!!

i was super high that day...thanx to having no sleep and onli adrenaline keeping me awake, i totally heck care what i was doing, ESP during the rave...geeeez i was like in a trance, hypnotised by the thumping music and hot, sweaty bodies. i become addicted to the drug. i couldnt stop. i was HOOKED
towards the end of the dance i stepped out for a drink. as i was going back to the hall, i suddenly heard...THE SONG FOR MASS DANCE!!! so i was like...WTF!!! CHIOOOONG!!! hahaha! i soooo love that dance. i then proceeded to a group of 3 gals and asked one of them 'may i?'. she was like..'huh?' so i said 'nvrm' but HEY! she then said OK to dance. woo hoo. haha...but i was pretty stupid...i didnt ask her name after we finished!

then proceeded for debrief, and then some sleep...

Day 3

alriteeee...the last day...

today was the day we had LOADS of water games...its like...WHOLE day we were wet...nvr a moment of dryness...

but hell...it was sooo damned fun. just getting soaked by cool water in the hot sun. so shiok! we were like BEGGING for water to be sprayed on us! but the quiet people didnt wanna get soaked...geez they dunno what they missing daaa.

after all that water fun, it was time for...THE FINAL CLASH!!! (cue dramatic 'brace urself' music)

ok...the game is simply destroying another teams paper ring (shaped like a lollipop) by throwing water bombs at it...simple rite? simple but VIOLENT. haha. could c alot of heated emotions during the game

ok...so there were 6 teams...the 5 empires and the Log Gl's. we played at a big field

simply said, the GL's got owned pretty bad -.-.

then followed by a DOUBLE, DOUBLE K.O. by Neon and Krypton. its like...both teams just RUSH and threw everything they had CLOSE RANGE. i was one of them who threw the bomb to the lollipop. we practically ignored the other humans and aimed for THE BIG LOLLIPOP. both were destroyed once, and then TWICE after given a 2nd chance. so we left the field and cheered on!!!

we had been defeated but hey! we took our opponent with us and our spirits were still BLAZING! wooooo!! we cheered and cheered on the rest. finally, xeon was the one that won...haha. well..the game wasnt realli fair...i noe from reliable sources =). but hey it was still fun

so we all walked back to the hall and there was prize giving. after prize giving, there was...THE EMO SPEECH. or should i say...THE LAME SPEECH! geez...so lame leh the head of student union...hahaha

but kai realli did cry alot...he was like...so emo...respect man! haha...nothing wrong with a guy crying!

there was also the last mass dance of the camp!!! yesssaaaa!!! i love the dance! hahaha.

lastly there was the giving of certificate and LOTS of photo taking! by goodness...practicaly every 'unshy' guy went to take a pic with jia yi (me included >_<). shes just too damn chio lah...cannot resist taking photo...haha

theres a tradition to go to cpf building and eat with all the campers after the camp, but i didnt go. i was already too damned tired lah...it was already like past midnite! i needed sleep not fun and food! heard some people stayed even till 6am in the morning!!! GEEZ...hardcore lah...respect!

so yeah...thats the main stuff that happened during the camp. i met alot of new people, alot of nice gals, alot of cool guys. apparently alot of people were 'attracted' to each other.

but apparently im not 1 one them...haha...didnt find anyone i realli liked =P

i wont ever forget this camp...realli the most fun ive had in my life...

p.s.: TP TP SUT SUT OEEEIIIIII!!!