Nil

Nil

yesterday was the 1st time in a long time i kinda cried...

no i wasnt crying uncontrollably...

just some tears.

i dunno y. i just felt so sad. like im alone. with no one to care about me.

u noe...its like...in the design school...i have lots of friends. i have lots of fun with them. talk cock sing song... but when it gets down to stuff that MATTERS...the stuff of emotions...theres NO one there.

siti is always working. fukun is busy with school stuff. nurul is also busy...

i noe. if i told them i had a prob, they would go to me. they would want to make me feel better. but its times like these u dont want to find them. u want them to come. to find U. to be THERE even if u dont say it. arent humans so selfish?

i dont want silly advise...like 'its gonna be ok', 'take it easy', 'its just like that'. i can read those out of a book titled 'typical optimistic phrases'. i guess u onli give good advice when u care.

now after all this stuff has happened...i dont wanna care about my past temptations any longer...at least not for a period of time. im gonna devote myself to my work and martial arts.

p.s.: my mental activity has slacked over the days. whats happened..?!