Surreal

haha!

i just turned on the radio.

and the words i heard

'u got stuck in a moment and ya cant get out of it.'



oh how true my Lord.

haha.



i find im relating more and more things in life to God.

maybe thats a good thing. i mean...can it be bad?

the sermon i attended told a story of not being ashamed of ur faith.

hmm...

it shows ur not afraid. it shows ur loyal.

thats something all humans should be yeah? not onli those acting under religion.



hmm...ok

i made it through today. wow. what a day.

everyday seems that faithful friday has been like a wild adventure.

it seems almost like a dream.

why?

because i never expected myself to ever end up like this.

and in so short a time.

its almost unbelieveable. considering the tame life i often expect to lead.



so anyways.

i realise i became so blind.

geez.

ok. the truth is, i kinda knew i was gonna be blinded. but hell. i didnt care!

shows how blinded i was.

the thing i originally wanted, was just to be there for her.

that alone was enough!

but then, the more she wanted to accept her fate, the less i wanted to accept it as well.

and so all the more i wanted to go further then my (initially) intended actions.

after all the stuff we went through, and after i probrably broke my limit yesterday (side note: so fast? am i weak or was it THAT bad), and thus losing my confidance and cool (OH THE SHAME), i was reminded of how things should be cos of her.

yeah. cos of her! (i am shamed!!! haha)

maybe she doesnt realise it. but she did. she woke me up my my pitiful state. thank goodness.



and um...

let me make it clear

IM GLAD SHE TOLD ME.

I DO NOT REGRET FEELING THIS PAIN.

I DO NOT REGRET FINDING OUT THE TRUTH.

HER KEEPING HER FEELINGS WOULD HAVE HURT ME MORE.

yeah. ok...if she never told me, i wouldnt noe...BUT if i were to die and find out, i would be very very VERY upset.



and um...though theres no way i can prove it, i DO understand how u feel.

i bet it must have been all the more confusing for u.

and i never doubted that. we were both in pain.

but maybe i seemed as if i didnt realise.

cos i was just being a jack ass.

im sorry. i think its part of me being a guy.



and um...hey.

friends can have feelings for each other rite?

HA.