Stone

my heart has slowly been turned to stone.

and right now it feels like itll never go back.



but i dont know if i care.

Back to Basics

what the hell...

if im justified.

then why the fuck do i have to care?



i onli cared cos i was worried there would be further conflict.



but ya noe what.



i dont give a damn about that either.

sheesh.

Old Promise

can i still uphold that promise i made to myself so many years ago?

i am beginning to get doubtful of that.

i dont think i can uphold this sacrifice much longer.



the more i learn, the harder it gets.

TSAF

wow man.

the reply was petty fast this time.



and i thought it was over?!?



whos being sensitive?

whos the one who assumes about whether another is talking about someone?

are u telling me ur not guilty of that?



my previous post wasnt even insulting.

of course, unless typing slow backwards...


i THINK perhaps cos it seemed like i was trying to sound damn smart or something.



cmon laaaah. we both noe who we talking about right?

regardless of names or anything, u KNOW who u were refering to.

same for me yo.





if im not wrong.

the first post u wrote was on january.

i didnt realise till like febuary when LOTS of nonsense happened.

and originally i never even intended to write about u. (until u decided to strike again)

it was originally just about the general people cos of so much bullshit happening.

i didnt even noe WHO disliked me at the time.

and yet i noticed some kind of counter attack.



so being a typical moron, i struck back as well.





at least now i noe abit more of ur dislike.



i bet theres more though.

"the enemy of my enemy is my friend" non?




the entries have been amusing.

but its the same old thing.



at least someone approached me calmly to tell me my prob. thats nice of the person.

u noe who u are.



ive already told that person, i noe what my probs are.

and im gonna try and change them.

its not easy changing.

so itll take time.

but in the mean time, im not trying to be an ass, but u should change too.



like...if u had told me calmly what my prob was, that would have been a helluva lot better.

not that im in the position to JUDGE u.

its just some advice.



i hope u dont flame again cos of this.

cos that would be just sad.



and...wtf kinda trophy is THAT?!?!?!

0_O

WOLS

she sure took some time to find out/reply to me.

im SLIGHTLY disapointed though.

but at the same time, quite at ease over it.



btw. please dont kiss my ass. thanx.

Conflict

i think i like blog conflicts too much...

they excite me ya noe?!

i get that sense of adrenaline everytime i see that oppurtunity

seriously.

i find it damn fun

as long as its not about political stuff.



i think im pretty twisted.



but on the other hand, my better self is telling me not to be an idiot like them and just ignore them.

haiz.

Break

bashing in blogs.

what happened to the good old days of plain and civilised confrontations?



well, maybe thats what blogs are for.

didnt noe there was such a day for mushrooms though =)



thank goodness for the school break.



p.s.: hello pei huan XD

Chaos

Chaos

When the chaos hath come,
witness its wrath,
behold its nature,

for you shall so be struck by it,
that your knees will weaken,
and your resolve will shaken.

But with its passing,
be thankful of your survive,
for so attained you have,

the true nature of those,
filled with scorn,
filled with betrayal.

Learn from the chaos,
and it shall serve you,
to so never be fallen again.

-Victor Goh



let this be a message to the fallen survived.

My roots

it seems im particularly pissed this night.

mmm.



but its ok.

itll be over once the day is come and gone again.

cos by then, none of u will hear from me.

peace.

Diss-Like

just to make it clear.

i dislike noisy people.

i dont necessarily hate NOISE itself.

cos noise happens all the time. (esp in PID)



but people who constantly wanna produce noise pollution excessively...

its irritating lah.

so lemme be more specific.



I dislike it when people make noise for no good reason, too much, and at the wrong times.



ANOTHER THING

i realise theres so much of talking behind peoples backs.

(is it cos we are PID?)

ok. that is inevitable.

in fact, its part of human behaviour.



but i think.

people who take it too far.

with insults.

and unnecessary bullshit.

should try to tone it down.

and tolerate abit.



cos i realise...im becoming worse and worse as time goes by.

...it seems the people around me are the ones insulting alot as well.

perhaps im being influenced somehow...?



and...i do noe some people dislike me.

thats for sure.

but then from what ive experienced...it seems these people are just...morons as well.

sad fact.

Help Abuse

theres one thing i learnt during my sec school days.

dont help people too much.

ESPECIALLY those who ur not close with.



why?

because U WILL BE TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.

that is always the case.



onli ur truly good friends will noe that u are not thier slave.

A TRUE FRIEND SHOULD RELY ON THEMSELVES FIRST, BEFORE SEEKING HELP WITH WORK.

that is the thing i wish to convey.



if u are one of those who always seek help.

then just ask what u need.

things like ADVICE. or maybe just abit of help.

if u cant do it, then make it up to the person.

"Forgetting one's debts is the greatest crime a person can commit."
- Simón Bolívar (1783-1830)



to all those who feel they have been used, or abused, by others for help,

just remember.

HELPING IS GOOD. u have been a good person. i respect all of u for that. those who dont are onli fools.



HELPING TOO MUCH IS HARMFUL.

helping people when they need it is good.

but did u noe.

when u assist people past where they need, U ARE HARMING YOURSELF AS WELL AS THEM.

by doing so, ur help will be harm instead.

because by helping them, u are making them weaker and more dependant.

onli help them to the point where they NEED.

anything more will cause harm.

if u refuse and they scorn at u, then let it be, because by doing so, u have helped them beyond thier understanding.

peace everyone.

Amiss

my torchlight project is finally done and over.

the critique was damn nerve wrecking.

today was actually pretty fun.



and yet, now, i feel like something is amiss.

something i cant quite put a finger on.

is it because its valentines tmrw?



i doubt it =)

i am twisted.

blood blood blood.

could i make a torchlight that runs on blood.

that would be sweet. and abit salty.

mmm.

with love, the cynic.

Essence

tonight is another on of those nights.



for those who dont noe, during certain nights, i feel an extreme sense of loneliness and sorrow out of no where.



well...im kinda used to it.

but it still affects me abit ya noe.

and sometimes i kinda like that feeling of sorrow.

theres substance in it thats different from fleeting happiness.

the essence of sorrow thats within me, i truly do appreciate it.



on a side note, saturday i had freakin high libido.

but today (sunday), its pretty damn low.

huge change. lol.



and on a more...irritable and desperate note.

FUCK TORCHLIGHTS!!! GAAAAH

DSHGALKSHKGJFHGAULERHYGKFHGKFBVSAKDSVGDFALUGHUILRAHGASAKDSFYQIUGHDSKFGBVSKFD

Stats

6 mother fucking projects.

5 barely enough hours of sleep for a month.

1 A2 page of USELESS torchlight idea.

4 days spent on A2 rendering.

12 approximate months reduced life span thanx to spraying.

100 dollars worth of copic markers.

0 progress on drafting handphone.

4 c+ grades recieved from richard wee.

1 very undead Archfreak.

Rant

right now, im sitting in my room using the laptop.

after a long day in school as an I-Guide. (thats the name of the school guide in TP.)

dont ask me what the 'I' stands for. i myself have no fucking idea.

for some strange reason, im feeling quite...fustrated and pissed now...



so. its the end of the 2nd day of TP open house.



hmm...i think the I-Guides did a great job.

and so did the D-Guides.

and no. not cos im in I-Guides or cos im in Design school.



i went to some of the schools.

IT and AS were pretty alright.

but...whie BUSINESS had thier numbers...i could see that quite some of them did not even bother at all with the sec school students, and my friends have exprienced that as well.



engine school...i didnt step foot in there.

but, apparently, even the principal of engineering school agreed that it was a lack of space in engine school.

cos they spread themselves too far out in such a big area within thier school.

so students felt discouraged about going all the way in when there were so few booths in such a huge distance.



ANYWAYS.

i felt the IMD/MOI room at design space was pretty damn good.

i liked the live illustrations and sketchbooks especially.

those were the things that i thought were realli interesting.

i found myself wanting to tell the students that they SHOULD go there, just to take a look at the kind of stuff we design students do in TP, as well as to KNOW that we ARE, DAMN RIGHT THE COOLEST there is out there.

thats the kind of thing that brings people into TP DESIGN.



even though i was an I-Guide, i found myself very partial to my own school.

in the sense that, i realli wanted to bring the students to DES rather then other schools.

so i ended up being something like a design guide too, seeing as how i noe the layout and the general view of what each course is. (cos i go around hearing other course explain over and over)

i dunno how many times i had to repeat myself though.

it was abit straineous on the voice.



oh yeah.

i also participated in the TP MASS DANCE.

my partner was Hui Leng.

it was pretty damn funny that some sec school students got caught in the middle of all the dancing.

needless to say, they were laughing all the way, not knowing what to do.

but hey! we got them to participate dancing the CHICKEN DANCE



the funniest thing i saw was the reaction of a guy when i told him the sculpture on display in PID section was made of wood.

he went 'are u FUCKING SERIOUS?' 0_0 *begins feeling sculpture in amazement*



LAST THING.

i just wanna list the things i feel are what caused me to feel pretty pissed now.



the guy who THREATEN to report my name if i continue 'slacking' during duty. fuck man. just cos i standing at design school for awhile looking for people to help DOESNT MEAN IM SLACKING. and THREATENING doesnt exactly command respect to me. it onli made me label him as a total fucktard.
,
another guy who is simply getting on my nerves. i dare say he feels the same. i shant say more about him.
, and
the girl who is simply SO ANNOYING. it almost makes me WANT TO REGRET the whole thing. THATS how annoying.

and if anyone thinks i have a prob with them, then heres something someone told me before.

*dont (fucking) assume.*

Dust to Dust

school assignments are a killer when ur in design.

especally for my kin. *COUGH COUGH*

which is why i have nothing much to update now.



lets just say, the following weeks will be busy and i wont have time to think of anything personal much.

ill probrably be thinking more of ideas for my work.



ive been told that im losing the sort of...sparkle in my eyes.

or that...i seem tired, listless, or somehow blank in spirit.

well damn.

all i can say is.

its gonna be that way for some time!

just gotta live with it. just gotta deal with it.



and about that certain human.

all i want to say is.

BAH.

and

MEH.

thats all the matter deserves. XD

Tag!

near the end of midnite, i tagged offensively to defend my friend, rachel, from an anonymous tagger.

now.

those who have been following this blog.

you would noe my dislike for ANONYMOUS TAGGERS who want to say bad stuff.



i DO realise that the anonymous tagger might be a friend of mine.

but STILL.

being a friend of mine doesnt mean ill SPARE THE PERSON a piece of my MIND.



the person might hate me. or the impression of me might change.

i accept it! cos that who i am.

what u see is who i am in this situation.



if that person had stated out thier name as least...i would not have been offensive.

i would have treated the person with respect and listen.

but the moment the person decides to give negative comment...even if its slight...its intolerable...

to state ur dislike behind a mask. a wall. where u noe ull be HARMLESS.

how would u respect someone like that?



thats all.

Meh

alritey...

so i read her blog.

*OMG why am i doing this again. goodness sakes.*



if i could have that chance to be just a friend once again.

i wouldnt hesitate.



after all.

i still remember that promise.

that promise of friendship.

unless im the only one who remembers.



suddenly im getting the vibes that me typing this out is still pointless in the end.

i wonder why.

Change

now.

i wish to write about a certain thing my old friend of mine has stated in his own blog, about me.

"i saw victor online. lol. hm.. to me, he has changed quite a bit. lol. his word seems to lack the same authority than in the past. as in... now, there is more sarcasm and less weight. to me, he is still my good friend, and will always be, but... i worry. haha."


just a little background information here.

the person who wrote that quoted statement is my friend, Joel Wang Shou Zhi.

he has been my friend since i was sec 1, when we were both in the same class.

i still remember the time i met him because i wanted to read the neon genesis evangelion comic book he had.



in that quoted statement, my dear friend has mentioned that i have changed to become less authouritative and that my words seem to have less weight.

what he means its that i have become more aloof in my nature, using sarcasm for wrong purposes, and not having the same charm and steadiness i once had.



i utterly agree.

to compare myself now with my self of my past is a shame i endure with disgrace.

i have no idea how to bring myself back to that point.



let me just say...it all started when i came into polytechnic.

it must either be the company ive been having, or the environment. (please correct me if im wrong)

for the company, i doubt its because of that.

after all, ive seen my fair share of wise people as well as noisy twits.



Temasek Poly Design School

i have come to believe that it is because of the extreme change of work and stress that i have become less of what i used to be.

the feeling where...anyone of these people might be ur competition and being better then them is like the goal.

i think it gets to the point where human nature can get nasty sometimes.

do u people agree?



another long time friend of mine (who is also my most trusted and loved friend), siti nursyuaibah, has also agreed that i have become more...harsh and unkind.

basically in her words, im no longer the 'mister nice guy' i used to be.

i used to have a reputation for being the nice guy.

but apparently, thats no longer the case im sure.



it gets me down sometimes.