Avoid

yesterday night i somehow got in an arguement with a friend of mine when talking thought MSN.

a girl. whom i must admit, i think i like. abit.

examining my conduct and words when it was near end of the argument, i realised it was due to me asking questions i normally wouldnt ask, and behaving in a way i normally never would.

i was too bothered and too analytical of the situation when with her.

and its terrible but i cant help it.

its realli the same as another past incident i had with another girl.



the pattern is.

• its always with a girl i like.
• its always at night. (strange)
• i start feeling tense without noticing.
• i start being realli analytical on casual stuff.
• i may ask wierd questions.
• i may state things i normally never would.

sometimes the rest remedy to a difficult situation is to take some time away from it.

i need some time away from unstable emotions.

in fact, i think from now on ill be extra careful about situations where chats can lead to discussions, debates and the eventual argue.

i realli dunno what to say ah. its damn terrible.

so i chose to avoid talking to her altogether.



while many of you might think 'NO dont avoid/run away! Itll lead to more problems!'

well trust me on this one guys. this time, avoiding is the key.



Edit update 11pm 29 sept: actually, avoiding might not be the key. doh. >_<

One Day

one day, ill approach that mystery girl.

one day i will.



shes probrably the onli girl i dare not approach.

cos she intrigues me to the point that im afraid to converse with her.

SO NOT ME. hahahahaa.



The Mystery Girl

this person, has always been a secret character of mine for years.

not cos i was afraid to tell people, but cos i never realli bothered much about it before.

once in a while in my life, i would chance a meeting with her, ALWAYS within or near an MRT station.

it started from sec 1 or so, i cant realli remember.

but when i see her...i always think that i somehow KNEW her in a way. not personally, but in the way where one sees a familiar schoolmate. u noe the person, but yet u dont.

i think she was in the same primary school as me. someone i cant forget?

i saw her again on saturday.
and i cannot deny.
i was excited to see her.
i do not know why!

it was onli then that i realised. just why am i so excited? i wasnt reacting like this in the past.

i dont even noe her name, or where shes schools, are anything! but each time i see her...i cannot look away!



i told myself that i would ask for her number one day. but i cant?

she just seems so...hard to reach. hahaha.



just felt like i should tell the world.

XD

Whirling

saturday, 10th sept.

went to east coast road for PComD project meeting. we got alot of work done...im satisfied.

sean paul (the year 1 fella) was also there.

after we finished the PComD meeting, dennis, sean and me went to orchard, because dennis wanted to take some pictures of his BaPho theme. i thought id just tag along, cos there was bound to be good pictures here and there.

sean was there to help dennis out.

but in the end, dennis didnt get the take his pics, and the 3 of us walked around and chilled out.

chilled out.

at starbucks.

its been a long time since ive chilled out like this...and not hold my thoughts back.

3 guys.

somehow i felt rather at ease, even though i never felt that close to any of them.

we talked about lots of stuff.

especially on the topic of affections.

and it realli got me thinking.

about past events, and just how our emotions work.

feelings that are just so simple, but yet so unexplicably mysterious and unpredictable.



it made me think how things changed.

that perhaps all i wanted was a fling from my relationship.

it made me feel like saying hi to abby, just to see how shes doing.

how i accepted a cynical nature.

and other random stuff.

there was just so much information to process and churn out.

it was a whirlpool of ideas.



when i went back to pasir ris, i didnt go home immediately.

instead, i wandered around my neighbourhood for an hr or so, taking random shots. the lighting was bad though. it was already 10.

listening to my mp3 and looking at the world through the viewscope of the camera which belongs to my ex, and having the thoughts of my life swirling in my head.

i felt like i was just a flickering flame, wandering in darkness.

snap snap snap. the shutter went.



i got home.



and i watched a movie.

the movie is,
I Am Sam.

i dunno if its supposed to feel like a sad movie

but somehow i realli realli felt sad when i was watching it.

and though the ending was a supposedly a happy one...i still felt like it was such a meloncholic movie.



and after the movie, i went online MSN. about 1am

and i feel irritated at myself.

cos i realised that i came online...just for 1 single person. realli. just for that.

it just feel stupid? cos theres nothing to LOOK for but yet i couldnt help it. i just did.

quite fustrating.

i am content with the truth.

Wreck

its that time of the year again folks.

emotional wreckage.



sometimes i wish i was more of an asshole.

then i wouldnt have give a damn.



more next time.

Disapointment

theres just so much to express. that its killing me.



ever had one of those days.

things just turn out all wrong.

and at the end of the day, ur all worn out.

tired of everthing.

just wanna stop it all.

and then the night comes, and you realise.

u feel all alone?

it doesnt matter if people care, or if they ask if ur fine.

sometimes its realli just too much to take.



this night, i feel disapointed.

both in myself as well as a person.



the person.

i feel like saying 'people'. but no.

i love my PID mates and design school buddies.

so i cant say that.

i KNOW its just that 1 person. that just UPSETS me.

its like dealing me a pack of lies. a FULL DECK.

well now you noe. why i dont rely on fate.



myself.

i feel like ive let myself down.

realli.

its like, what have i been doing.

its just sad.

with my school work, and the goals i aimed for.

sometimes i just lose sight. what am i living for?




i dont wish to express anymore.