Thought of the day

I've come to realise.

It is not enough to simply love God and no one else.

Each of us must have that same love for our fellow humans that we have for God and ourselves.

[John 13:34-35]
<34> And now i give you a new commandment: love one another. As i have loved you, so you must love one another.<35> If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples.


I implore those who are interested to read [Matthew 5:43-48]

God, or The world

Which do you choose.



For those who dont know, i am so called "a new man (19 yr old young man?) in faith" now. After coming back from a church retreat, i feel renewed in my faith. After wandering in question and aimlessness for some years, walking away from the church trying to search my own path in life, yes, now i am back with God. And i am glad. But my journey has just begun. Weeks after the church retreat, i am back into the world as we know it. The harsh and sinful world. I am trying my best to adapt into my new life and to live with faith all the way with every living breath. But i must admit, it is not easy.



For those wondering why i've left this blog so stagnant, i've really lost my mood to blog. Theres nothing really compelling me to really get on with writing in this quiet blog of mine. Lately ive been thinking about stating my thoughts and views of the bible but i am just so lazy. Its not an excuse, definitely not. Its just a terrible fact.

The thoughts of reading the bible are often in my head during those lonely nights i so often have. Those damned 'emo' nights that so many of us know well enough. But the truth is, even though its on my mind, i never pick that bible up. I tried for some nights but i could not keep focus and over the days i just slowly read less...and less.

You know what. I am going to start tmrw. Or rather, this coming night. I will try my best and i know that God will help me and guide me along and keep me focused, as long as i just WANT TO read that bible.

Got to work on loving everyone as well. Loving just God is not enough. Have to love others as i would love Jesus as well.

Theres so much more going on in my head now but im gonna end off here for now.

Ill try to keep my life updated here in future too =)

I am really tired of caring about people who wouldnt bother giving me even half of that concern back.

Really, i am sick of it.



Always having to start a conversation,

Always having one sided conversation of experiences,

Always having to ask before im told anything.



It makes me feel like im just not needed.

Why do i always have to give a fuck.

Sometimes it really does suck having a conscience.

Riddle

Heres a riddle for all of you out there.



The Pope has it but he does not use it.
Your father has it but your mother uses it.
Nuns do not need it.
Your lady friend's husband has it and she uses it.

What is it?



For the answer, highlight in between the asteriks



*A Last Name*



i think its quite smart =)

Male Bitching

The following is a conversation between my good friend who shall be indentified as ANON. Cool name right. Basically, its me and him bitching about our dear boss.

All names except mind are edited. All emails cencored too!


Session Start: Monday, May 14, 2007
Arch...3 more working days, BIATCH!... (xxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com)
ANON (xxx@hotmail.com)

(7:35 PM) Arch:
hello boy
(7:35 PM) ANON:
yes boy
(7:35 PM) Arch:
today i went for the furniture talk
(7:35 PM) Arch:
and i sat next to bacus
(7:35 PM) Arch:
ahaha
(7:36 PM) Arch:
and *** (cencored) and the rest saw him oso
(7:36 PM) Arch:
and they all say he look like china man
(7:36 PM) Arch:
HAHAHA
(7:36 PM) ANON:
lol
(7:36 PM) ANON:
kns
(7:36 PM) Arch:
and *** say he looks like those very miser and pathetic guy
(7:36 PM) ANON:
LOL!
(7:36 PM) Arch:
DVD (also name edited) say her impression of him not so good now LOL
(7:37 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:37 PM) ANON:
how come
(7:37 PM) Arch:
cos she always thought he is the tall and more manly type
(7:37 PM) Arch:
but in the end he like those very pathetic fella
(7:37 PM) Arch:
LOL
(7:37 PM) Arch:
not charming or wadever
(7:38 PM) Arch:
what they say all made me laugh alot ah
(7:38 PM) Arch:
but good lah, they see him then they dont like him
(7:38 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:39 PM) ANON:
LOl
(7:39 PM) ANON:
they pressed him down damn fast
(7:40 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:40 PM) Arch:
HAHA
(7:40 PM) Arch:
i never say anything bad eh
(7:40 PM) Arch:
is thier own impression
(7:40 PM) Arch:
but what *** say about him is true
(7:40 PM) Arch:
haha
(7:40 PM) Arch:
eh btw
(7:40 PM) Arch:
he sitting next to jarrod lim
(7:40 PM) Arch:
and both of them all the way like making fun of people ah
(7:41 PM) Arch:
and *** say he can hear bacus and jarrod talking behind people back
(7:41 PM) Arch:
cos he sit in front of them
(7:48 PM) ANON:
lol
(7:49 PM) Arch:
and bacus say
(7:49 PM) Arch:
tp designers all useless
(7:49 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:49 PM) Arch:
*** heard
(7:53 PM)
Arch...3 more working days, BIATCH!... has changed his/her name to "Arch...some cheena looking foo'..."
(7:53 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:53 PM) ANON:
isnt him one of them
(7:53 PM) ANON:
LOL
(7:53 PM) ANON:
haiz, finally he admit himself useless liao
(7:53 PM) ANON:
lOl
(7:54 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:54 PM) Arch:
but he never tell us eh
(7:54 PM) Arch:
he whispering to jarrod
(7:54 PM) Arch:
only *** heard
(7:54 PM) Arch:
i next to him oso didnt hear
(7:54 PM) Arch:
probably cos they leaning forward when talking
(7:56 PM) ANON:
lOl
(7:56 PM) ANON:
gay
(7:56 PM) Arch:
yeah lah
(7:56 PM) Arch:
so cos of that *** got VERY BAD impression of him
(7:56 PM) Arch:
LOL
(7:57 PM) ANON:
LOL
(7:57 PM) ANON:
who wouldnt
(7:57 PM) ANON:
see
(7:57 PM) ANON:
all along say him weird is correct
(7:57 PM) Arch:
hahahaa
(7:57 PM) Arch:
HAHAHA
(7:57 PM) ANON:
just feel he is weird. kinda eccentric lah
(7:57 PM) Arch:
i was telling ***, after hearing all thier comment, i can rightfully say all the bad things already, cos actually i hold back cos dont want to give them too bad an impression of bacus
(7:58 PM) ANON:
LOL
(7:58 PM) ANON:
no need to hold back one lah
(7:59 PM) Arch:
HAHA
(7:59 PM) ANON:
intuition tells you is bad means correct one
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i was telling *** CONFIRM you will say that HAHAHAA
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i know he is jiat lat
(7:59 PM) ANON:
like me. WEIRD AND ECCENTRIC
(7:59 PM) Arch:
but i dont want to give *** and DVD an impression from my words, i want them to see for themself
(7:59 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:59 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i think wierd and eccentric not good enough
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i feel he is unprofessional and not boss like
(8:00 PM) Arch:
like an auntie
(8:00 PM) Arch:
talk too much cock
(8:00 PM) ANON:
yaa
(8:00 PM) Arch:
look down on people
(8:00 PM) Arch:
never guide us
(8:00 PM) Arch:
talk behind people back
(8:00 PM) Arch:
MISER
(8:00 PM) ANON:
the very starting, working a few times felt boring already
(8:00 PM) ANON:
cannot even work together
(8:00 PM) Arch:
lol
(8:01 PM) ANON:
hear that we working together when he away. face change
(8:01 PM) ANON:
ku ku sia
(8:01 PM) Arch:
lol
(8:01 PM) ANON:
all along i only trying my best to please him
(8:01 PM) Arch:
you know why anot
(8:01 PM) ANON:
kns
(8:01 PM) Arch:
MUST BE COS
(8:01 PM) Arch:
must be cos
(8:01 PM) Arch:
he dont want to pay us more
(8:01 PM) Arch:
we turn up during those days he have to pay
(8:01 PM) Arch:
so he of course turn face
(8:01 PM) ANON:
give out all my best then still kena nag by him
(8:02 PM) ANON:
then thats very niao of him
(8:02 PM) Arch:
thats what i think ah...no other reason what...
(8:02 PM) Arch:
LOL
(8:02 PM) ANON:
if his company is doing well. got regconition some more
(8:02 PM) ANON:
420 plus plus
(8:02 PM) Arch:
his company regocnition is not high you know
(8:02 PM) Arch:
thats what i believe
(8:03 PM) ANON:
machiam give liao one painting in the gallery will suddenly vanished like that
(8:03 PM) Arch:
LOL
(8:03 PM) ANON:
like pay us extra will die like that lor
(8:03 PM) ANON:
his pay ar
(8:03 PM) Arch:
hahahaa
(8:03 PM) Arch:
yeah
(8:04 PM) ANON:
cant even cover my meals over there lah
(8:04 PM) ANON:
transport the worst
(8:04 PM) Arch:
yeah agreed
(8:04 PM) Arch:
eh boy
(8:04 PM) Arch:
do you mind if i take the convo and put on my blog
(8:04 PM) Arch:
LOL
(8:04 PM) Arch:
i think damn funny
(8:04 PM) Arch:
but i will cencore all names
(8:04 PM) Arch:
except mine
(8:11 PM)
Arch has changed his/her personal message to "My design company boss doesnt know "who is SeymourPowell"
(8:11 PM) Arch:
eh ANON
(8:12 PM) Arch:
you got read what i asked?
(8:12 PM) ANON:
yaya
(8:12 PM) ANON:
go ahead lor
(8:12 PM) Arch:
lol ok
(8:12 PM) ANON:
lOl
(8:12 PM) Arch:
yayyy
(8:12 PM) ANON:
just a common convo
(8:12 PM) ANON:
lOl
(8:12 PM) Arch:
XD



If anyone who reads this has some kind of big disagreement with me, allow me to say this.

*No, YOU are wrong. *

Even my boss loves to bitch. So why cant i!?

XD

Sensibility

Talking a fucking pain.

Meeting is a fucking bore.

Bothering is a fucking chore.



At times like these, what can a sensibly fucked up guy like me say?




It sucks having a conscience!

HELLO THAR IT BEEN LONGLONG!!!

Hello thar. It been long, long.

Yes, this blog has been dead for a long time, except for that pathetic chatbox by the side.
Thank you to all who have bothered posting comments there!
The last important one i can remember is Li, who seems to always be there hmm.

So what possessed me to start writing again? well thanx to Li.

After talking to her i had remembered an old blog entry she wrote just for me. sweetest thing i ever read written on my existance, i think.

Well, even though its sweet, i didnt read it thoroughly, since i always felt her entries are too blocked up with text so i keep skipping stuff and just scan through the words.

Scanning through that sweet entry again led me to read my old posts in this very own blog.

And i must (shamefully) admit, i really do find my writing quite...interesting.

The emo ones i find quite interolable now, but alot of the others really brought back memories. Of the events that unfolded in the past, as well as the way i would write then down in my own way. I had forgotten all of them.



So after reading some of my older entries, i felt like why not i start again. The motivation came back. Suddenly i had a reason to blog.

I wonder if moses still reads. Maybe Benson knows.



Anyways, this is just a post to alert the WORLD of my return.

Youve been waiting long long havent you?

Sarcasm of course, just in case you dont know... =)

Worse Movie of 2006

The Covenant.



fuck you for taking my $7.

i cant help but think the script and story telling of the movie sucks.

it is terrible.

no realism to the story what so ever.

yes i know, lots of movies have unbelievable things.

but a good movie makes the unbelieavable, believable.

this movie FAILS at that!

it is terrible.

i see so many ridiculous things going on, mainly with how the characters are far too blatant with thier dialogue.

its like, the things they say are SOOOOO damn obviously just for telling the story.

yes, the things a character say naturally progress the story in any movie.

but for this movie, it is just too obvious. it is like screaming at my face when i watch. i cant help but think how damned blunt the storytelling it.

and the way the final fight is done.

wtf?! can any of you say DRAGON BALL Z?!

this is an interpretation of the action, if the characters were talking dragon ball z style.

protogonist: oh lets see you have a taste of my powerful technique and skill! *KAME-HAME-HA!!!

antogonist: oh! you think you are STRONG?! AH HA!!! ill show you, whelp! *catches energy ball with hands* *focuses for a second and sends energy ball back* RAAA!

protogonist: OH MOTHER FUCK! *gets blasted like 10 feet from where he was standing, crashing through stuff*

ok, so dragon ball z wouldnt have 'mother fuck' inside but i couldnt resist.

but seriously! its that fucking dumb!

the steps to beat the 'bad guy' is also fucking dumb.

just like power rangers ok.

its like a defeated power ranger getting powered up by ZORDON.

lightning strikes down and empowers the ranger!

LO AND BEHOLD! the new and mighty power ranger, with somehow becomes SO strong he can defeat the enemy which TRASHED him! and with just 1 single blow!

its just like that!

retarded movie.



end of bitching.

thank you very much.



i will miss you forever my sweet $7

Avoid

yesterday night i somehow got in an arguement with a friend of mine when talking thought MSN.

a girl. whom i must admit, i think i like. abit.

examining my conduct and words when it was near end of the argument, i realised it was due to me asking questions i normally wouldnt ask, and behaving in a way i normally never would.

i was too bothered and too analytical of the situation when with her.

and its terrible but i cant help it.

its realli the same as another past incident i had with another girl.



the pattern is.

• its always with a girl i like.
• its always at night. (strange)
• i start feeling tense without noticing.
• i start being realli analytical on casual stuff.
• i may ask wierd questions.
• i may state things i normally never would.

sometimes the rest remedy to a difficult situation is to take some time away from it.

i need some time away from unstable emotions.

in fact, i think from now on ill be extra careful about situations where chats can lead to discussions, debates and the eventual argue.

i realli dunno what to say ah. its damn terrible.

so i chose to avoid talking to her altogether.



while many of you might think 'NO dont avoid/run away! Itll lead to more problems!'

well trust me on this one guys. this time, avoiding is the key.



Edit update 11pm 29 sept: actually, avoiding might not be the key. doh. >_<

One Day

one day, ill approach that mystery girl.

one day i will.



shes probrably the onli girl i dare not approach.

cos she intrigues me to the point that im afraid to converse with her.

SO NOT ME. hahahahaa.



The Mystery Girl

this person, has always been a secret character of mine for years.

not cos i was afraid to tell people, but cos i never realli bothered much about it before.

once in a while in my life, i would chance a meeting with her, ALWAYS within or near an MRT station.

it started from sec 1 or so, i cant realli remember.

but when i see her...i always think that i somehow KNEW her in a way. not personally, but in the way where one sees a familiar schoolmate. u noe the person, but yet u dont.

i think she was in the same primary school as me. someone i cant forget?

i saw her again on saturday.
and i cannot deny.
i was excited to see her.
i do not know why!

it was onli then that i realised. just why am i so excited? i wasnt reacting like this in the past.

i dont even noe her name, or where shes schools, are anything! but each time i see her...i cannot look away!



i told myself that i would ask for her number one day. but i cant?

she just seems so...hard to reach. hahaha.



just felt like i should tell the world.

XD

Whirling

saturday, 10th sept.

went to east coast road for PComD project meeting. we got alot of work done...im satisfied.

sean paul (the year 1 fella) was also there.

after we finished the PComD meeting, dennis, sean and me went to orchard, because dennis wanted to take some pictures of his BaPho theme. i thought id just tag along, cos there was bound to be good pictures here and there.

sean was there to help dennis out.

but in the end, dennis didnt get the take his pics, and the 3 of us walked around and chilled out.

chilled out.

at starbucks.

its been a long time since ive chilled out like this...and not hold my thoughts back.

3 guys.

somehow i felt rather at ease, even though i never felt that close to any of them.

we talked about lots of stuff.

especially on the topic of affections.

and it realli got me thinking.

about past events, and just how our emotions work.

feelings that are just so simple, but yet so unexplicably mysterious and unpredictable.



it made me think how things changed.

that perhaps all i wanted was a fling from my relationship.

it made me feel like saying hi to abby, just to see how shes doing.

how i accepted a cynical nature.

and other random stuff.

there was just so much information to process and churn out.

it was a whirlpool of ideas.



when i went back to pasir ris, i didnt go home immediately.

instead, i wandered around my neighbourhood for an hr or so, taking random shots. the lighting was bad though. it was already 10.

listening to my mp3 and looking at the world through the viewscope of the camera which belongs to my ex, and having the thoughts of my life swirling in my head.

i felt like i was just a flickering flame, wandering in darkness.

snap snap snap. the shutter went.



i got home.



and i watched a movie.

the movie is,
I Am Sam.

i dunno if its supposed to feel like a sad movie

but somehow i realli realli felt sad when i was watching it.

and though the ending was a supposedly a happy one...i still felt like it was such a meloncholic movie.



and after the movie, i went online MSN. about 1am

and i feel irritated at myself.

cos i realised that i came online...just for 1 single person. realli. just for that.

it just feel stupid? cos theres nothing to LOOK for but yet i couldnt help it. i just did.

quite fustrating.

i am content with the truth.

Wreck

its that time of the year again folks.

emotional wreckage.



sometimes i wish i was more of an asshole.

then i wouldnt have give a damn.



more next time.

Disapointment

theres just so much to express. that its killing me.



ever had one of those days.

things just turn out all wrong.

and at the end of the day, ur all worn out.

tired of everthing.

just wanna stop it all.

and then the night comes, and you realise.

u feel all alone?

it doesnt matter if people care, or if they ask if ur fine.

sometimes its realli just too much to take.



this night, i feel disapointed.

both in myself as well as a person.



the person.

i feel like saying 'people'. but no.

i love my PID mates and design school buddies.

so i cant say that.

i KNOW its just that 1 person. that just UPSETS me.

its like dealing me a pack of lies. a FULL DECK.

well now you noe. why i dont rely on fate.



myself.

i feel like ive let myself down.

realli.

its like, what have i been doing.

its just sad.

with my school work, and the goals i aimed for.

sometimes i just lose sight. what am i living for?




i dont wish to express anymore.

A Repressed Rave

A Repressed Rave.

like a rose that blossoms in beauty
as well as withers in the following days,
young love is similar, in the way it decays.

late nights of slumber,
thought-and-mind less,
yet i am awake, when im already dead.

working in school, i do what i can
so why does it feel,
like im wasting my sand.

people think central,
and they dont give a damn,
but here i am, still being the lamb.

reminding myself
to free my obsessions,
but why do i always get caught in entangle

life is meaningful,
(or so i believe),
even though i dont see,
how it applies to me.

His First Time

the boy is anticipating.

caressing her body, and holding it firmly but yet gently, he feels quite excited about the experience hes about to have. its realli considered his first time...

feeling and observing the parts of interest, the boy gets to better understand what hes holding in his hands. he begins experimenting the way hes going to do it, thinking of the outcome.

after playing around for awhile, he gets to the real action. sliding the trigger back and forth, and constantly adjusting his posture for maximum comfort each time, the boy is starting to get the hang of it.

he squeezes and he can feel the tension.

the feeling...is damn good.

CH-CHAK~!

the sweet sound of the camera shutter, snapping a picture within focus.

a sense of satisfaction with each accomplished shot.

though he realises the pictures might turn out bad, it doesnt matter.

its the first time, and its a matter of learning.

he will learn.



XD

Move On

remember

the words we said on the bus stop.
the date we had on that monday before work.
the days i visited u despite my deadline.
the time we held hands in the darkness.
the night i asked you the question.
the kiss we had beside the house of books.
the following days when we had our fun.
the date we had that ended in worry.
the 6 days of torture where i was left in the dark.

the words we said

ill never ditch you.
we can always work things out.
we want it to last.
not caring about what parents say.
we can talk about our problems and be open.



but yet.

it seems it all meant nothing anyways.

im sure its not forgotten.

so it just means...

that everything didnt mean much in the end.



thanx for the memories.

its time. to move on.



with that, ill finish this blog entry with 1 of my fav songs.

a rather old song i admit.


Roxette
- It must have been love

Lay a whisper on my pillow
Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely,there's air of silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm

And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Know

am i being too caught up...?

i feel like im the one who ends up being more bothered.

sure, i like to take things easy, but yet i feel like im experiencing a one sided thing here.

theres a thin line that seperates passivity and disregard.

and i dont want to think about which one it is.



cos in the end. i dont know you at all.

and you dont know me either.



its onli a small gesture.

and its not like im demanding it.

its just that ive not seen you in days.

i miss u alot.

and i dont even know how ur doing most of the time.

all we have is a phone.

and all i have to remind myself of you are pieces of messages that barely contain any meaningful content in most of them...



and im sure its the same for you as well.

this is a matter of communication love.



you noe what i mean.



this is my communication.

Objective

so i supposedly have a few goals in my life.

since its called Goals in Life, most would think of it as rather damned important.

ah ha.



1. Live a simple life.
sounds easy but life never is. one day i just wanna go live in some peaceful and relaxed place.

2. Be a good person.
OMG. fuck this shit. what was i thinking? hahahaa.

3. Be proficient in product design skills.
DAMN!!!!!! at this point this seems the hardest to reach. seriously. yes, even harder then No.2



hur. maybe i should sell my soul for number 3. woo.

so id forsake No. 1 & 2 for 3.

SOUNDS LIKE A FAIR TRADE TO ME. XD



*sketch sketch sketch*

Love

I AM CRAZILY IN LOVE.

WOO~