Sweet Randoms

for this post, i have no real topic.

as titled.

sweet randoms.


(i would like to mention. in this entry, when i mention noisy people...i mean the type that simply wont shut up and loves yakking. and when i mention silent people, i dont mean dumb people. i mean, people who talk moderately onli around CERTAIN people.)


ever noticed evil and live are the exact opposite spelling

santa and satan are is just one letter switched



Kill one man and you are a murderer.
Kill millions and you are a conqueror.
Kill everyone and you are God.

ever heard of it?

think about it.



noisy people tend to be stupid people.

people who make noise tend to be those who cause trouble.

im sure uve seen it.

the noisy bunch in class?

the bunch who gossip alot?

ever noticed those are the people who tend to turn to have...not so good ways of doing things? while the quiet people are those who would be less likely to do sinful things.

noisy people like attention.

people who like attention also tend to be more...instultive, and are more likely to put down others.

so what am i saying?

avoid noisy people. unless...ur noisy. HA.

just kidding. not.



the good will triumph in the end.

is this true?


joel (my sec school mate) and me discussed this.

joel bases quite alot of his 'facts' on the holiness of the Lord.

well, so i asked him, what if we leave religion and God out of this.

so. joel says.

evil people dont have the unity that good people have, thus they would be less likely to coordinate themselves for a true fight against good.

hmm...i never realli thought of that. haha.

so i says.

good people have qualities that would prove to be more 'powerful' then those of evil.

what are those qualities, and why?

qualities like...perseverence, tolerance, and whatever.

well now. the thing is. evil people tend to have weaker character. sure, they may be ruthless and cunning. but in the END. the good guys should win because thier natural innate characters will leave them in a more...advantageous position.



oh yeah.

evil people tend to have more fear in thier hearts and are more likely to RUN when encountered with fear or pain.

its true =)



know the similarity of a fighter and a dancer?



if a person were to resort to ruthless and merciless means to defeat an enemy, but for the GREATER GOOD of things, is he considered...good? or...evil?

i would like some feedback about this particular thought...



difference between 'anti social' and 'shy'.



silent people are usually the most calm.

silent people are the ones who noe the most things.

silent people are the ones who wont forget.

silent people tend to be wiser.



in a bad situation, the wise always appear calm, but are also the ones thinking most.

lets see...how many times have u see a noisy person give a false alarm(e.g. OMG I LOST MY PHONE. *5 min later* oops its in my pocket). and how many times has a more quiet person done the same?


i realise this post focuses alot of good and evil...and noisy or silent people.

why?

because obviously, these 2 things have a great impact on me.

cos.

evil people are everywhere.

noisy poeople are everywhere.

i noticed the 2 are usually the same group of people.

but still, this entry isnt totally about that =)



the fine line between EVIL and REALISTIC.

in truth, both these groups are not GOOD people.

but realistic is not EVIL as well.

realistic is when u realise the harsh reality of this world and DEAL WITH IT.

ignorance is when u dont accept reality.

evil is when u hate reality and want it all to be destroyed.

good is when u see reality and want to MAKE IT BETTER FOR EVERYONE.

thats how i see it.



now i think about it...this is my 'evolution' starting from last year.

sec 4.
the good boy with a low profile. usally quiet, doesnt talk much.

post o lvl.
the good boy with a low profile. still same.

poly orienation period.
realism starts to get me abit...

post poly orientation period.
NOISY. i have been influenced by all the nonsense.

poly semester 1.
REALISM smacks me in the balls. i start being that way. EVIL starts to infest me. i slowly realise my flaw and remember how i used to be. i start getting more quiet again.

RECENT.
still realistic. constantly trying my best to be GOOD again. talks as little as i used to.

yeah...it sounds lame...but maybe u would understand me.



i will probrably write more entries like this. not too often though, or people might stone me to death.

1st day of nov semester

school today. was fagging. boring.

DAMNED. BORING.

id say its cos of the lecturer. (tha same guy who taught the most boring lesson in semester 1)

i even SLEPT during the lecture.

that shows how flipping boring it was.

and its every monday. GAH!!!!

what a way to spend every monday.



i saw doreen today. FINALLY.

i missed her alot.

her hair has changed.

no longer standing up at the back.

she looks...different now...

somehow, more feminine.

but shes still same as ever! well...other then CERTAIN STUFF. hahaha.

wish her all the best.

she says she will keep me updated.

and i too will keep her updated.

what a nice person.



i left the school early.

cos the rest wanna go watch a movie.

like. what the hell.

i have no mood. esp after the super boring lesson.

they are still the wild people anyways. best at enjoying themselves and wasting time. hoho. well whats important is they have fun anyways.



met qian ning and lindee at the bustop by coincidence.

qian ning...looks different. no longer the goody gal she looked like. (not that she was EVER a goody gal...hehe)

as for lindee...oh she still looks the same. the same quite attractive young gal. ha. her hair colour has changed though.

i apparently seemed the blur guy with them. just cos i keep saying 'huh'. well...cant blame me!!! qian nings voice is too 'squeaky' and i was listening to my MP3. qian ning found it abit irritating. lindee seemed amused probrably cos i seem pretty clownish at these times -.-

its unintentional. geez.



then uh...i got off the bus...managed to see some sec school familiers.

damn...they still seem as ummature and stupid as ever! unbelievable.

though i did meet one of my 'respected juniors'.

he too, hasnt changed. still the smart lad. still the good boy. not like those others maggots i saw. heh.



then i got home.

Science Centre

On the 3rd of november, i went to the Science Centre, with Abby, Theresa, and Nicholas (Theresa's bro)

it was fun.

more fun then anytime i went before.

probrably because i forgot how fun such a place is. and also because i had to oppurtunity to rediscovered the place with my fine friends.

did i mention it was fun?

abby took some pics.

my fav

we look damn good dont we? im in the bhb mood pardon me.

it was also the first time i ate the mysterious food item called SPACE ICE CREAM.

yes people.

first time.

to those who havent eaten it, a word of advice.

dont bite or chew it.

just let it melt.

or ull regret it when u finish. XD

oh yeah. it costs (a ridiculous price of) S$3.50

hmm, as usual i dont give much details eh?

all u people need to noe is. i had fun =)

thats what ur here to noe rite? hehe

Ying Hui

another thing. seems ying hui can now read me like a book. impressive.

he says im the guy who noes him best.

and now i think, he is problrably the guy who noes me best as well.

he even noes certain things about me i barely bother remember, or even TOLD anyone. he just says, it seems like me. and somehow he is pretty damn correct.

guess we 2 are simply...

brothers beyond blood.

brothers beyond words.

ice skating is flipping. damn. fun.

indeed.

it is.



on 28th oct, is my very good friend/brother, fukun's, birthday.

it was the first time in a loooong time, 'the guys' and me got together again for a meet.

other then us guys, there were the china people as well (fukun's gf side of the family).



sooo...ice skating is damn fun.

and also, a good place to mix around with gals. yes, indeed.

why? (need u ask?)

cos its a good excuse to help gals who dunno how to skate. and sometimes collisions happen. dont need to say more. XD



in the beginning, i couldnt even STAND witout holding to the rail like some baby. like 2 hand on the side handle and STURGGLING to move o witout falling. looked pretty stupid i think...

by the 2nd hour, i could finally skate properly...as in...not 'walk' on the ice, and move with some speed. it was great.

onli time i kinda fell was when i went with 2 others. one fall, all fall. thankfully i onli landed on one knee onli. no big deal. but ya know what. falling down was the most fun. daniel agrees too. hahahaha.

fukun and daniel fell the most. or actually, i think FUKUN.

he is fearless on the skating rink. so he simply not cautious about kissing the ice. it was pretty funny watching him continuously fumble and slide. EVIL.

other then that...not much else about the birthday outing is worth mentioning.

so.................

btw the end of this week, i would have earned about $571.

thats like. half a-fagging K. and i earned it all with my sweat and BLOOD!

ok, all i do is sit in the office and do boring stuff like filing or admin stuff...so i exaggerate...who cares XD.


i rarely go on shopping sprees (or shopping at all) but i think one should be coming up soon...hoho...



anyways.

hmm. had a great time chatting with theresa and abby yesterday.

theresa, because of some very interesting information.

and abby, because i was reminded of how things should be.

ill not elaborate on either. i just wish to put it down on this blog. just so humans noe. (yeah YOU HUMIESSS!!!)



tmrw ill be meeting up with my gang of brothers again. its been a long time.

we guys...dont need to talk to each other to noe we care. its an unspoken thing among guys. and saying it out loud would just make it weird.

or rather...id say my group of friends are all the independant solo-ists who dont need humans to survive. (well maybe fukun cant survive witout his galfriend?)

we dont ask each other out EVAR (onli thomas bothers about outings...i dunno why). we dont talk much at all, especially now all of us have gone separate ways.

but still, i believe we have a deep connection in us that goes far beyond verbal communication and physical distance.

the cheesy typical 'brotherhood' among guys XD

BAHA.

i terribly miss my friends.

even those who i didnt talk to much.

as long as i had some fondness for them.

my secondary school friends would be obvious.


most of all rite now would be fukun and ying hui. where are the brothers! geez!


the scgs gals i used to talk to often...i am also remindd of them. hmm...i feel so...left out of thier lives now. haiz.

kk, enough self pity.

so. right off the bat.

firstly.

out of boredom, and probrably cos of a little curiousity inspired from theresa's blog, i went to xia xue's blog.

now people. let me make clear. i dislike xia xue. overrated. soooo overrated. for various reasons which i shall not explore further into, i dislike her.

there ARE certain issue i do come to agree with her. but most times, i find she complains so much that i find im tempted to just give a comment for her to stfu. but alas, my logic tells me its useless.

so lets see. thanx to theresa, i came to realie that 'xia xue' thinks handicap people should let others use facilities that are more meant for them more freely.

i myself, have never went into a handicap toilet, nor a mrt lift, and i am always trying to avoid ramps whenever its crowded.

so. first thing that came to my mind when i was reading 'xia xue's ' entry.

in japan, there are lifts in the train stations for handicap people to use as well, similar to Singapore. *in fact, Singapore is catching up to japan still. no matter.*

well the thing is, anyone with walking legs NEVER uses the lift. the lift is constantly STAGNANT and is never in use even when the place is damn crowded.

the onli people who use it are handicap people.

same goes for the handicap toilets. u will never see a people outside a handicap toilet, waiting.

what does this mean?

it means singaporeans are still too damn lazy and unthoughtful. nonono. wait. thats abit wrong.

the truth is, japanese are much more patient and not as time conservant as singaporeans (except when it comes to work done...thats totally different).

singaporean people just cant wait at all longer then 2 minutes.

thats the prob.

somehow this ended up me praising the japanese. damn.

so anyways, the main thing is, xia xue sux, and is still too damn stupid.

*on a side note...what the fuck! she puts at the title of her blog, "Everyone's reading it." ok this is one thing...another. she put her picture with angel wings. DAMN i cant stand it! and she constantly praises herself shamelessly. actually this is alrite for humour but whats shes doing is like ARRRGH* (sorry. its a rant. not a note.)

ok. now. 2nd thing on my mind.

ivan came over today. one thing he said that i remember.



ivan: 'eh uh...u these days like got something wrong leh...'

vic: 'hmm? realli meh? where got sia?'

ivan: 'got. like something disturbing u alot sia. like very bothered.'

vic: '*!* yeah! thats true! for some reason i just cant figure it out...dunno...'

ivan: 'ah ok...take care lah...dont worry too much...'

vic: 'ah yeah yeah...see how lah...'

(for those of u who dunno, which im guessing is practicaly almost everyone, the way i speak varies with who im addressing at the time. this time, i was talking in singlish to suit the person)


so yeah. even he can see it. is it realli so serious? hmm...




work sux. i know.




i went to take a look at watched today, in tampines mall. there are 2 watches i have my eye on. both timex. one is 99. another is 149. i shall have to consider once i have my pay.

lets see. if all goes well, my pay should be 400 by friday.

400
-150 (watch. price varying.)
250

250
-100 (rendering marker set.)
150

150
-100 (cloths. very unpredictable cost.)
50

50 remaining. probrably to my parents. i feel ashamed as it is giving so little. >_<

so. im posting a bit past midnight.

yesterday, abby came back. it was on my mind for awhile, especially in the morning.

i didnt think about it again till late at night.

and for some reason, i cant remember, i went to dictionary.com.

i simply couldnt remember why i went there.

but then i saw a 'word of the day' rite at the bottom of the screen

i decided to scroll down further and a take a look.

the word was 'lackadaisical'.

now for those of u who dont noe. thats one the word that abby likes. and she has that word in her msn nick all the time.

i was abit shocked and amazed.

rite on the day she came back. weird.

so anyways.

i cant wait for my pay. damn.

ah materialism is kicking in.

1. a new watch.
2. rendering markers.
3. cloths.

this will probrably blow all my earnings but hey i think those stuff are important.




for some reason theres something thats lingering at the back of mind.

its the feeling of slight dread...or something i somehow havent resolved yet.

a negative feeling thats abit bothersome.

i dont have much of an idea what it is...quite undefined.

lets see...here are some of the things i have concluded of whats bothering me.
in no particular order.

• schools starting and i feeling like works gonna be like hell again.
• i havent been communicating with my friends much and somehow i feel...bad.
• i shouldnt be thinking the way i should be and i just cant convince myself otherwise!
• i keep thinking my dad dislikes me playing games and so whenever i play, it gets me very uncomfortable and bothered.

i think those are the biggest things.

rite now, im thinking its a bit of all of them, not not much of the playing games part...

its all the little things...ha.




im talking to joel now. (my secondary school mate, not the prick in my current school)

one thing i love talking to him about.

SELF REALISATION.

he is constantly discovering new things about the way he thinks and opinions of other people.

he tells me his thoughts.

i find it immensely interesting.

not because he is JOEL but because he is someone who tells me how he feels about things and all. he is deep thinker thats different.

ordinary people who say they think deeply usually say that just to make people think they always think alot and are wise or wadever shit.

but my friend here doesnt do that. he simply thinks about things, and expresses his desire to find out the reason behind it, or simply share his thoughts so i might give insight.

to share ur thoughts with another friend, and discuss ideas and possiblities.

i truly do like that.

*note: i often do this alone as well with just me thinking of different possiblities and outcomes of things. i believe this is called hypothesising. my friend abby calls it assuming and dislikes it.*

*cough*



so...i think thats enough for today. i hope it stops raining in the day.

hmm.

so im pretty bored.

today is my first day of work. it was alrite.

i had to sort out and arrange papers in proper order for filing. i went through about 4 thousands sheets of paper for the day.

anyways. im bored.

lemme type crap.

yesterday i saw 2 girls as i was walking home from whitesands. i just glanced at them. i onli saw the face of 1 gal. but damn that gal is mighty damn fine. nice bod and pretty face and all. but ya noe what. i didnt look much. i cant figure out why. she was looking at me as we passed, that i noe. and she glanced back at me as i was checking her out. i was thinking *what a waste*

another thing.

my sex drive is lowwwwwww. i need an aphrodisiac or something. HA. i probrably spent too much of my hormones in the past weeks or something. now please people dont think off track haha.

one last thing.

i think ivan is full of bullshit. and thats probrably the most logical thing in this entry. thank u.

*Note: the ivan i state is from my secondary school. not the ivan from neon. spank u very much.*

i was chatting with theresa.

ok. casual talk. smooth.

towards the end, she tells me something. she says she regrets.

alrite. for some reason, i feel abit negative about it. i say negative cos its undefined but its definitely not positive.

why?

because i was the one that encouraged her.

isnt it a tad bit sad? or maybe...more of guilty?

hmm...its hard to explain why these slight human emotions eh?


so aside from that.

i feel like typng out more liberal stuff about my feelings.

but damn.

im getting to feel people out there who read my blog would catch on stuff and start gossip and rumour or just plain annoy me for the fun of it (like a secondary school kiddo).

u noe the feeling. the sense of being judged.

im one who doesnt believe in conceiling myself. well...more of the psych then the physical point of view.

so truly i have nothing to hide. but it does get annoying sometimes. foo's


theres a difference between ignoring and being unbothered.

do u noe?

i didnt even realise abby was gone till i check her blog for update.

lemme tell ya, i was like totally STUNNED.

i didnt noe she was gonna be gone so soon?!?!

hmm. and she put in her blog in small text.
*ps. miss me. HEH*

well damn.

Moments Before Slumber

yesterday as i was laying on my bed waiting to sleep, i typed this on my phone.

'U noe that feeling where u cant help someone u care about and it hurts being so useless? thats how i always feel around her.'

yeap. thats how i feel.

haiz.

today, went out with nurul and felicia, my 2 great galfriends from secondary school.

actually, ema was supposed to come, but u noe what. im glad ema didnt come.

yeah.

why?

cos i not as close to ema, and ema to me, is just plain damn NOISY and annoying cos of the way she thinks.

now u noe =)


so...it was fun!

esp playing the arcade with them. havent had that much fun in a long time...seriously...i forgot the joys of just having fun with a small group of friends.

u wont be left out. u wont feel out of place. ull always be part of it.

i miss that =)

they are both still the same. yeah...still the same kinda crazy gals who go crazy over stupid stuff. and probrably im still pretty the same? haha. the sarcarstic nice guy. am i rite girls?

nurul said i look older...and people, dont be mistaken. she doesnt mean im more MATURE. she just means i look more HAGGARD since sec school.

well nurul, come to design school for a semester and thats what happens eh? or maybe its just me XD

hmm...nurul...ur hair. u rebonded it. my goodness. DIFFERENT I TELL U. its a slight shock for me. but honestly...i think u look more girly now. after all, ur hair is more 'flowing' now and i like that.

the 3 of us watched 'The Brothers Grimm'

it is a SICK SHOW but damn its pretty good. its WIERD and SICK and humourous at the same time. seriously very surreal feeling about it. at least to me.

nurul and feli were scared lots of times during the movie.

ESPECIALLY FELICIA.

goodness...she got so scared she almost pressed her whole head unto my shoulder, though lots of times she was like gonna grab my arm in fear. (btw i actually wouldnt mind either of the 2 HAHAHAHA im sick)

hmm...after the movie, nurul saw some guy she has some interest in. for goodness sakes. feli and me were like getting dragged abit by nurul cos of that. she SO wanna see these 2 guys but shes totally over reacting. so feli was like 'grrr' and i was just smiling away as usual though it was abit annoying XD

and AFTER that...MORE arcade. HAHAHA

damn i got bullied in racing games by them, in particular NURUL. shes a total savage in racing games. yes people. she beat me TWICE in those racing games.

but dont get mistaken!

just cos she beat me doesnt mean shes more skillful. yes! its true! why, u ask?

because she constantly banged into me and made my car go haywire. all the while while i was trying NOT to nudge unto thier cars. damn. being a gentlemen aint worth it sometimes -.-

so after that...nurul went camera crazy and INSIST she wants photos taken. well ok...i dont mind...though feli grumble again...haha

pictures...felicia say she look terrible in the pictures. but honestly i think i look as bad? oh well. perhaps its vanity.

hmm. thats all?

back

hohoho!

im back from japan.

though this post is a tad bit late seeing as i landed in singapore yesterday at 1730hrs.

ah...japan is a great place. but still I PREFER SINGAPORE. yeap...thats rite.

japan is damned stylish and cool, the gals are flippin cute and hot, and thier shopping is INSANE.

but hell, i still prefer singapore cos singapore has the safer kinda feeling and is actually more peaceful then japan. yeah people...im a damn home boy -.-


so...i wanna thank my pals in PID who actually went to the airport to recieve those of us returning from japan.

it was weird seeing them at the other sight of the glass wall.

i was walking along and there was a group of young teens, which were definifetly very different from the rest of the crowd. there were a whole mass, together, and they were very excited.

in a split second, even witout seeing thier faces, i could tell. it was them. my course mates. they FUCKING ROCK! and i miss them to bits.

then as i got closer, they saw me too, and i got a closer look, from the left to the right of the group. i saw con first, the cherrie. and as i scanned the whole group, i saw more familier faces, like shirley, zhen hao, vanessa.

but yet as i saw them, and they saw me, and thier faces were lit with excitement, i merely smiled weakly and waved pathetically, and walked on by to take my luggage.

and i noticed, all my friends after me also did the same thing. its strange!

when i went out of the gates to see them, they told me they actually pasted a whole row of cardridge paper which they painted on to welcome to us back, but NONE of those from japan even noticed it!

but i had to go home with my dad so i didnt talk much with them. left pretty soon.

so these are some things i note when i saw them.

if my eyes do not lie, i believe cherrie is actually THINNER then she was before i left, if thats even possible.

constance did some changes to her hair. hmm...not a bad change...haha.

joy looks prettier then before...hmmmmmmmm...i think its her complexion. and i think she gotten thinner? not sure.

the rest...still looks pretty much same...haha.

i miss siti, nurul and feli. havent talked in a looooong time.

im currently in japan.

japan rox.

the girls are so KAWAII!

and yes yes...the guys are cute too -.- cant deny.

ok.

not much time to talk.

i shall speak more when i have more time.

this is the last entry till i come back from japan on the 26th.

i will miss home and singapore terribly.

even before i leave, i can feel it.

please do not contact me during from the 17th to 26th as my phone will not be with me.

ahhhh!

i miss this place already. damn. hopefully when i go there ill feel better.

till then my friends!

im flying on a jet plane.

alrite folks. im going to japan.

my secondary school friends. hah. dont be jealous. dont miss me too much. i miss u too.

my poly friends. hmm...miss me? doubt it lah. haha. maybe some?

i have onli one fear when i go japan.

that my mates will behave like monkeys and wanna have fun instead of learning stuff. wont say who after all just thinking.

so...what do i hope to achieve there?

learn lots of stuff.
have lots of fun.
meet the locals.
meet hot chicks. XD

hoho. cant help saying the last bit there.

hmm...

i had a little chat with abby.

all ill say is, i felt like a slight burden got lifted from my shoulders.

im getting pretty pathetic now. still remember how id used to handle such things.

so hmm...i wanna say

abby is a great gal. (most times)

fun, loving, and caring.
someone who cares about her friends alot.
thats what i like about her.

abby is a scary girl (some times)

temperamental, confusing, and cold.
someone whose attitude can run out of control.
thats what i dislike about her.


i wanna say abby is realli so damn freakin nice.

but when i remember some things...i wouldnt lie to myself.

but dont be fooled.

abby is still a very nice gal. (and shes pretty flippin hot to boot in my opinion)

and i hope everyone would see her as that.

i noe some people dislike her. and these people are being pretty stupid. i mean...i can see why abby can be a pain sometimes. but i dont see how anyone would wanna intentionally try to hurt her? shes nicer then she is 'unnice' XD.

ah im tired.

yeah this post says i started at 9.13PM.

but i started writing this post onli at about 1.30am

so yeah...
MINE EYES!
THEY BURNETH!
yes it is realli burning now >_<

i think this entry is a little poorly written.

Finally, now i can rest.

pass few days have been super freakin stress.

almost no sleep for a few days.

ive recovered already i guess.

but i feel pretty empty inside.

its strange being so free.

and not only that, now thats its all over, i have more time to dwell on...subjects that i find quite painful at times.

hopefully the feeling will fade off. cos i dont think theres anything i can do about it. or maybe i dont have the movitation to do so.


today i went back to school. to play basketball. but of course, took some time for that. we PID people had fun in the studio first with authentic TABLE PING PONG.

thats rite folks, u can onli find it in the PID studios cos no other studio has such cool tables and such fine-ass layout.

but i didnt play much.

why?

because truth be told, i was laying my ass in the IMD studio.

probrably because i was bored staying in the Pid studio and so decided to see who still doing work in IMD.

the only people i usually go to visit the place for are jasmine and rika. cos they are freakin amusing. total jap fanatics. of course, theres abby. but things get quiet sometimes and i dont realli like that feeling around her.

so i went to play basketball with my brethren.

all like mad people anyhow throwing balls. it was a funny sight to behold.

i merely sat there with my white umbrella i left at school opened up, to shade me from the scorching heat.

cute doreen soon joined me under the shade. well i dont blame her. it was flippin hot and she was playing with a mini skirt on and black top. not a very good combination.

then went off to play badminton. but damn! the hall fagging hall FILLED with tables and chairs for exams.

so i just went home. was pretty damn sian lah.

maybe it was all those freakin sentimental songs in my mp3 player.

as night came, that sickening sense of extreme lonliness that comes every few weeks once again came back to haunt me. damn! it gets so bad i dont noe what to do.

siti is busy. so i dont wanna disturb her.

theres no one else i would like to turn to. theres no one i feel as comfortable with. nurul comes close though. maybe ill call her.

gets me down.

Please

please bring me back to the old days.

please make me a good person again.

please make me love so much the way i used to.

please make me tolerate the world like i did.

please bring back the way i used to enjoy everyday.

please bring back my optimism.

please take away my realism.

please bring my valour and generousity back.


the old days...how i relished them.

it makes me sad thinking of it.

especially how ive changed.

how much i used to love.

now i see i have been planted with hate and tension in such a short time.

is this how the real world is like?

a place where u could end up being torn apart by competition.

a place where feelings are second place to goals.

to be the best. how come things have changed so much?


i had never wanted to be the best.

i had onli wanted to be the one to enjoy my life.

is growing up like this?


i dont feel hopeless.

i onli feel...lost...

theres a difference.

Fear

Fear

so first thing.

i read her blog. she says she cant stand guys who sweet talk. sickens her.

so like. im wondering. did i do that to her before? not sure.

she says she cant stand it. also says its obvious wad the person says is fake. says go chase some other girl.

ok...

it is not stated who she is refering to.

if its me, can someone kill me? i dont think ive sweet talked her and faked it? honestly i dont think ive lied to her for anything. hope im rite.

if its not me, then uh...i feel sorry for that person. (wonder who else chase her.)

so yeah. not sure, but there is fear in my heart. dont wanna assume too much.

so. thats the first thing on my mind now.

next. work.

so i hear and also believe, that the PID lecturers want less PID students, so they are more strict and heck the students who dont bother.

why? because PID is overcrowded. ok, i noe all design course this year are over crowded.

but other course in design dont have to use workshop intensively. and the workshop is SERIOUSLY OVERCROWDED. its becoming an issue that a concern to the whole PID. im quite sure the director has been alerted.

so. to have lesser students, make it hard for those students who lag or who dont bother, till they dont wish to go on. its cruel but hey...thats life. thats what i believe the lecturers are doing. the more observant PID students have been discussing it. those who think our hypothesis is ridiculous, kindly do not debate with me.

its quite scary. i dont think ill end up kicked out. but still, it brings some fear to me, cos im not totally unfeeling for others.

the PID students who have fear in thier hearts are staying overtime in school to finish thier work. i for one, have been staying in school from 9 to 9 for the past week, and probrably the following week.

can i just FAIL COLOUR? geez. waste of time. seriously.

ok. lets be oh-so typical and LIST DOWN THE WORK I HAVE.

FoDev
the damned sculpture. STILL LOTS TO BE DONE! need to dowel. need to glue. need to sand seal. need to spray primer. need to paint. need to DO PORTFOLIO!!! i dont wanna FAIL for this!!!

ComDI
going to be finished. last lesson on tuesday. should pass. all depends on sunday meeting progress. PASS AND ILL BE HAPPY.

CreTH
finished. got C for first project. A for second project. so im guessing ill get a B overall. good. no more classes for this. thank goodness.

DesMe
ill pass. finish. probrably a B.

Colour
FUCK COLOUR! FUCK THE 40x40 CUBE! FUCK CHINGAY!

Perspective and Freehand Drawing
onli the A1 drawing of an SLR Camera left. 35% for that. thus far, ill definitely get an A. but i want a DISTINCTION for this. thats rite. A DISCTINCTION. i aim high for my drawing. wanna be one of the best for drawing by the end of my education here.

Model Making.
ok. ill probrably get an A or B once i finish my last project. easy.


so. main prob is. FoDev and Colour. AHHHH!!! both involve painting. DAMN!

forget it...ill get it done in the end, as always.

Tears

yesterday night was another freakin emotional night.

some tears were shed.

no one made me pissed.

no one upset me.

it was just me thinking again.

it was onli the moments just before slumber that it happened.

i even wrote it in my phone...just because i wanted to noe why i was so emotional.

this is what i typed:

Lying on my bed, listing to é cardigans. I think about . Thoughts flood my mind. Does she like me! I...Realli. Realli miss her. Tears start surfacing. I realli miss her... i saw her today. But it seems so heck. I think everytime i see her shes doing work. If onli i could just talk to her. Away from work. Away from distractions! Is work whats killing love? I dont noe what im thinking anymore. When i think about it, i feel more tears. Tears...


yeap...thats what i typed...

bear in mind yesterday i was freakin emotional.

thanx to a previous meeting with my old friends Joel and Ivan, it realli stirred up my emotions. mainly due to a Ivan actually.

lets see...talking to him reminds me of relationships. talking to him makes me think like im so high and mighty cos i always give him advice. but damn...my mentaily of my own self i sickening!

i used to hold being humble very importantly. but now im changing into a proud person. soon ill turn arrogant and then even a these old friends of mine would lose respect for me.

it gets me down.

so yeah...relationships and me becoming a worse human. damn!

i dunno how screwed up my thinking was yesterday night but its a fact that i realli felt so sad cos of her. its not her fault of course. its just like that...and i dont think i can make it right myself.

leave it to fate...thats the easiest...but the damn SLOWEST! cos theres no control over it.

kk i write more next time. now bz.

No Regrets

No Regrets

shes scary. what can i say?

well. no regrets. no remorse.

id rather be myself all the way then change for love. love isnt about changing anyways. its about accepting.

thats actually very subjective...

i used to change for love...change change change...

after all, if u want people to change, u have to change urself. thats what i believed. and hey...its true! forcing people wont help. changing urself is the best way to get what u want.

but. ive learnt that this DOESNT apply to love.

i had a girl once. things were fine. when things werent, i changed. i changed and changed...just to make it better. just so things would be ok.

i would change for love.

but after awhile...i asked myself. was i realli doing the correct thing? changing myself...would it be changing my love? would i be changing myself, and what made me love her...and her love me...JUST FOR THE SAKE OF FEELING THAT!

just for that feeling of HAVING SOMEONE THERE TO LOVE.

just for that, i would lie to my ownself. and live as if nothing was wrong.

but of course. things WERE wrong. and when they werent at first, they WOULD be. after awhile, we couldnt accept each other anymore. i couldnt lie to myself anymore. i dont want a love, just for fun, just cos im lonely, just cos theres SOMEONE.

dammit.

i had no regrets on that decision. that was last september.

after that, i nvr had much crave anymore. let it be.

after o levels, i felt so lonely. life was so meaningless. idleness and sloth. day by day. but...i nvr let my feelings consume me.

i met a girl during this time. ok...i met lots of girls, but this girl, what can i say, i liked her. no big deal. her name is shin yi.

at first...i wasnt all that bothered about her. looks didnt influence me since the past relationship. and slowly...though very naturally and unforced... i saw that she was a realli nice girl. yeah yeah...TYPICAL. but when i say NICE about people (esp in this context)...i realli mean they are nice BEYOND normal humans. of course, she has her own evil side...which all humans have...but that expected...

so...after a few weeks...i guess i kind of developed feelings for her...maybe cos i was lonely...maybe cos she was the most attractive new friend i knew...maybe cos WADEVER. but i had some feelings for her, though slight. she had some feelings for me, probrably JUST SLIGHTLY (im not assuming here). it was slow. but i liked it. we were never bothered about it. talking to her would just be...so entertaining and interesting.

but things didnt work out. as usual. i was totally fine about it actually. totally! even though i knew i wouldnt be with her, i knew...it was fine...because we were close friends before all that...and what i wished most...was just for her friendship...that was the main thing...the CORE of our relation. and that alone...would be alrite for me. having her for a gf would just be like a plus. HA. (i cant believe i actually thought that way...so surreal)

then during poly.

i as usual, gaurded myself from getting lured by looks. i would not fall for such simple temptations.

stuff did happen eventually. but shut up about them.

so recently, im talking to that gal shin yi. no. i have no more of those feelings for her. but i am still interested in her life and whether she is fine.

i dunno why im typing all these stuff now. i lost the meaning some paragraphs ago.

now, this post is also a tribute to SHIN YI!

to this girl, i have had not any regrets knowing. now now shin yi dont be shy.

can u see the meaning here?

i never had to change myself for her. we saw each other as it was, and it was alrite. if things wouldnt work out...why make a big fuss about it. it was PEACEFUL. and i love my peace.

if a love is so disruptive, then why bother having it. even all the mortal happines u experience wont be enough if u have a love thats DISRUPTIVE. cos that kind of love is MORTAL SORROW to the limit. some love.

this doesnt mean im comparing any future to my past. no...i wouldnt be so blind.

i noe. i assume alot. all the time. maybe im assuming EVERYTHING u say and even JUST said? i dunno. realli. when i assume things, it doesnt mean i believe its SURELY true. its just a hypothesis. the most logical explaination i can think of FROM WHAT INFORMATION I HAVE. i like thinking of things like that...and if it bothers anyone...then thats who i am. want me to change what i am since the start of sec 1? this is what i do.

maybe ill regret some stuff i ASSUMED. but ill NEVER regret being my own self. no matter what.

all im saying...is that.

figure it out.

Constraint

Constraint

damn.

wei jie told me about spraying sculptures. and he is telling me work faster! damn!

i still havent finished with everything on my sculpture. still need to slice certain parts. itll be very fast to do, but still, im too slow!!! i will not be left behind!!!

its not like im slow or anything compared to the whole PID freshman batch but...i dont wanna be just the OK type. i wanna be one of the BETTER students, especially when it comes to stuff i like! comdi and colour can go screw off, but others like FoDev and ModMa...i wont allow myself to be taken so lightly...

HIAAAAAA! ILL WORK HARDER DAMMIT!

Swings

Swings

friday was yet another day i felt like i was pretty down and full of the blues.

not particularly SAD or anything but just...not ALIVE.

the kind of day where ur un-lively aura just seeps into the atmosphere and people will go like "hey man u dont seem alrite today...u ok?". THAT kind of day.

i had a little chat with rachel. shes also sad and down in the dumps. when we were chatting, though i didnt realise it, our so called GLOOM aura was pretty alarming. cos apparently, hui leng, who was sitting nearby, told us she was getting a little uncomfortable around us...like the air so heavy...then she moved away slowly from us... lol. it was pretty amusing.

so when i finally got to go home. GAWD was i thankful. the weekdays have ENDED! whew.

but it was talking to her just a bit that made me feel better.

honestly, i dunno what the hell is up with me. haha...one moment im so pissed then the next thing, i am tamed so simply! im a little shamed by that actually...to think ive become so unstable. heh.

sometimes i get the feeling she doesn't give a damn about me.

<edited on 1.32am 13/08/05 cos the original was just too disturbing to my eyes.>

Ineffeciency

Ineffeciency

today is a damn shitty day.

yeah. A SHITTY DAY!

i dont usually type my daily happenings and all that cause i noe its freakin BORING. hell when people just DRONE on about stuff in thier lives that no one gives a damn about, its freakin dull ya noe? at least give some INSIGHT people!

if u dont like that kinda stuff, DONT READ FURTHER cos i wanna type it out anyways to destress.

so the main reason why im pretty ticked off is cause today so much time is wasted on doing NONSENSE.

first off, my class at 9 ended early today, at 1020. yeah. freakin early. so me and a group of people went off to play pool. yeah. just till about 1 or 2 pm. no prob.

but then...as usual. its all these LITTLE THINGS that piss me off in the end.

the pool game was fine at first. but after awhile, things just got FREAKIN BORING. like...i hadnt eaten anything yet and was feeling weak, and my playing was being hindered cause of that. practically and obviously, i was having a BAD TIME playing. even if i wasnt performing that badly, i just wasnt feeling any VIBES.

then when u get bored, u dont care, and u keep missing, and all that stuff.

so the vicious cycle just went on till about 2:30 i left. and i had a class at 3. colour class. presentation. and my group had prepared NOTHING.

so i was like...*why the hell did i turn up man...sure...the presentation is 10% of my marks but honestly, i dont realli care!*

in the end, i just made like a stone and talked a little. florence saved my ass from mark damnation anyways. shes a pretty smooth talker with good nerves.

at that time, STILL wasnt so bad. still fine.

since the workshop was about to close anyways soon, (cos the time was 5. workshop closes at 5.30) i decided id not do my work yet with so little time left. i would just relax, eat and then proceed to do my work diligently in the workshop after that.

as i was about to go eat by myself, my friend timothy called, asking me to eat in mensa with him. but i turned him down cos at that time, my other friend asked me too, personally. and i believed i would have more fun with them. fun so i can destress a little before working.

but they realli noe how to FREAKIN WASTE TIME! dammit! today, the workshop is open later then usual SPECIFICALLY so that we can do extra work to finish our sculptures on time. and these people still have a ways to go even before they can say ALMOST finished. and they can stll just sit there and laugh and have fun and not have a care in the world. dammit ya noe...these sculptures take ALOT OF TIME. not even the so called 'LAO DA' wei jie would DARE say he is going to be done soon.

i get so sick of wasting time when i should be doing my work! i feel as if im lagging behind already!

theres a time to be crazy, be mad, and just be WHACKED UP...but these extra time to do our work should be taken seriously if he want to stay back for that.

im not gonna go out and eat with them next time during these days. im not gonna bother so much about them now.

IN THE END, BEING THE SOLO I WAS IS STILL THE WAY!

a solo who is friendly but in heart, is still independent and survives ALONE.

GUILT

GUILT

a story.

as i awaiting to go home from my grandma's house, i was constantly reminding myself to go online to chat with abby.

constantly telling myself. i dont wanna miss this.

so i arrived back home.

eta: 2040

lots of time i realised.

then my bro wanted to go watch a movie.

a movie.

i was reluctant. would i miss the chance?

but i went anyway.

the time slot was 2150.

i went in. hoping that the movie would end early.

soon i realised.

it wasnt going to happen. no time.

i was thinking i should tell her. dont wait for me. dont...

but i didnt.

I. DIDNT.

2330

i still didnt tell her. i was feeling a little worried.

i shrugged it off. shrugged it off.

eta: 0030

i arrive home. i immediately go online.

i see her nick.

immediately i feel bad.

then i wonder. did she update her blog.

she did.

as i read. i feel knives stabbing me.

in the heart. rite through. again and again.

i feel like a ASSHOLE. a JERK.

for a MOVIE. i went ahead despite my RELUCTANCE.

i did not tell her.

p.s.: HOW COULD I

Helix

Helix

cheerful guises make me sad. and then. utterly irritated.

understand?

anyways

i have a long time belief that all our lives (and nature, for that matter) follows a pattern called a helix.

a helix, for those who do not noe, is a type of shape that goes in spirals.

for example, DNA is in the shape of a double helix

so. anyone who has taken pure bio (dunno about sub bio though) would noe that a helix in 2D would signify the population of animals over a range of time in a habitat.

the animals in a habitat constantly increase and decrease in population, but NVR die out totally as long as nothing ruins it. things like people, or natural disasters. wadever.

so as for human lives.

what i believe, is our lives are also run that way. there are realli good days. and then, following after that, there are terrible days u wanna just heck it all.

just like a helix, constantly going on, but yet going in circles.

originally, what i believed was our lives were like a CIRCLE.

but i realised shortly, thats not possible, as our lives are ongoing, not repeating.

after typing all that stuff. what i wanna say is.

im think im in of of those time where im gonna take a visit to the bottom again.

cos i noe. the past weeks have been jolly fun. and recently, things have been looking a little more dull. and today, are reading and analyzing a little bit of text, i think i can sense an incoming deluge of sorrow or anger. i may be wrong, but i think i am quite right.

i think it started from a little conversation that was probrably just a meaningless venting of anger. but still, from such 'meaningless' actions, a few things can already be deduced.

p.s.: i think i am correct. till 25.

Missing

Missing

shes always away.

even when shes not away, we dont have much to say.

when we do have something to say, its like it turns out interesting...in a certain unfun way.

like some kind of phantom barrier.

i think the prob is more of me rather then her. even though shes still as always sober about life in general.

my blog posts are getting more and more boring. sorry readers. hopefully its just a phase. as always.

i noe im dropping big clues as to who this lass is. but hey. if i cant put thoughts on this blog. where else can i?

i have nvr much bothered keeping my thoughts private anyways.

p.s.: i am somehow eager for comdi class now. ha. how quick things change.

Introspection

Introspection

i read my more recent past entries.

what i can deduce is:

• i talk to much crap.
• im still as indecisive as ever when it comes to love.
• im not getting any wiser.
• i might be getting stupider.
• im not focusing on work enough.

p.s.: discontentment

Birthday

in case u didnt noe, my birthday was on the 21th july.

thanx to all those who wished me happy birthday.

most of all, i wanna thank abby, doreen and rachel.

abby gave me some origami. haha. it doesnt look impressive to some but i noe that what she did took quite some effort and time. esp for the 8 sided star. thats pretty tedious to make.

doreen, i wanna thank for reminding the others about my birthday and thinking of stuff to get me. THANX!!!

rachel was the one who bought the 'im horny' shirt rite after doreen told her of my birthday. im realli touched about that.

thankfully the guys didnt fulfill thier birthday bash. i doubt i could take 17 minutes of beating, much less 17 smacks from each.

nvr thought it would be such a great day. hoho.

my onli regret is not being able to go out with abby. heh. ill make it up to u gal!

p.s.: im so grateful. for everything.

Small Things

Small Things

"It has long been an axiom of mine that the little things are infinitely the most important". This is a saying from Arthur Conan Doyle, author of the famous novels revolving about the detective Sherlock Holmes.

i heard the saying when i was but a little boy. and even at that time, i put some thought into it. i had realised, what he said was true. as a simple minded boy, i remember thinking as i looked upon canals and large drains "these railings are so simple, but yet, without them, the enviroment would be so much more dangerous".

but that was simply viewing things from the physical way of nature.

humans...also apply in that way. all our little actions, and words. like how little things annoy us most. and how the little things in life are what make it enjoyable.

anyways. this post aint about me ranting about all that stuff. go read about EQ (emotional quotient in case u dont noe) if u want to noe more.

this post is once again, about my feelings. ha.

time for some cryptic mumbo jumbo.

im not being realli bothered about it.

true...im not.

i dont look at her often in class. i dont sms her to chat. i dont call her when im bored. i dont realli think shes in my mind often.

but yet.

i look at her blog everyday. just to see if she wrote about me.

i go online late in the nite, just to see if shes there.

im always interested in her affairs.

i get worried for her when i shouldnt bother so much.

i talk to her nicer then i do others.

i find myself careful of what i say.


how contradicting.

time will tell.

p.s.: "There is nothing as deceptive as an honest fact" - Arthur Conan Doyle

Strike

Strike

ok.

for a short moment, i was kind of distracted by love once again. but today. i dunno. i think i suddenly snapped out of it.

whether its good or bad, i dunno. i often tell myself that love is something that clouds the mind. its pretty true. logic becomes second to emotion. sometimes that can lead to poor decisions.

i got out of the 'phase' when i felt that we were not compatible. there were just some stuff...that i think i just cant accept and feel comfortable with.

but then again, i think im thinking too much as usual.

dammit. go with the flow. go with flow. be natural. be natural. >_<

how come im changing my mind so fast out of nothing. its quite unbecoming of me.

i dont want my head to become my demise. again.

p.s.: dont be too quick to be sure of me.

Activity

Activity

so.

i havent updated in some time.

compared to some past posts, the time in between each update is much longer. a month each update sometimes.

but suddenly i feel like the last time ive updated is getting so long. like my blog is getting stale.

this is probrably cos of so much blog activity im experiencing now. not necessarily talking about my blog.

anyways.

life is so hectic now. assignments, projects, deadlines...

i believe i still have time to relax. in fact i sometimes just sit down and slack a little. but slacking is not a fun thing. im onli slacking cos work is so tiring. im not playing cos im too haunted by my conscience. im not sleeping cos i think i should work. relaxing has now become a stressful thing. heh.

another thing.

i no longer feel devoid of meaning anymore. i find that...theres stuff to look forward to now...either that, or i no longer have time to care about all that, but to just keep going onwards. haha. i doubt my life has become SO miserable. so i believe its cos of the people around me, and the work that spurs me on, rather then dragging my soul down. true...i hate all this work. its like a flood of activity thats drowning me. but this rush gets me alive. to get on my feet and move. and whats more, there are people there with u. to suffer and stand with friends.

is that not the best thing i could ask for. im not talking about the suffering (damned sadists). its just, having good friends each day to keep ya company. to just have fun even while working hard. surely i need not explain further with words?

im not say close to many of these friends. its quite typical in design school eh? or maybe even in the whole poly. there are practically no close friends. but i have friends, that even though not close, they respect each other and help each other. u dont need to be close to someone to enjoy urself (close i mean, share ur deep dark secrets). u just need to have someone u feel comfortable and good with. all of us respect and support each other. thats whats most important. thats what makes me feel happy. haha...i sound pretty lame. i think. oh well.

its tough not having friends to talk to when u have probs. realli tough. its like ur so alone. so all i have to say for those u feel that way. dont complain that u feel alone. go tell someone nice (which would be a nice friend) how u feel and make that friendship stronger. isnt that how close friends are formed? u can find a good friend, but to have a great friend, u have to explore into the person, and to do that, u need to exchange information with the person. its quite logical. humans want something in return for another thing. socialising is the exchange of information.

p.s.: i preach too much...

Dedication

Dedication

alrite. this is gonna be a short one.

this post is dedicated to felicia leow pei jun.

y, u ask? ok...even if ur not asking shut up and ill tell u. XD

cos of all the tags she has given to my tag board, in this blog.

ok...i admit it...most of them if not all are just crap tags. spam. useless stuff.(no offence feli)

but when it comes to tagging...u dont give a damn. frequent tagging means the person pays attention to ur blog. paying attention to a persons blog gives meaning to it. its like sustaining its life and giving me a reason to type here.

i noe how i get disapointed when no one tags at my board. and i noe u other bloggers out there feel the same. u noe it! u want that recognition! to noe people paid a visit.

ok suddenly this post aint short anymore. heck.

so yeah. i noe ur reading this felicia. this is my thanx. =). truly and sincerely.

p.s.: this felicia is my sec school friend. not from TP.

Wreck

Wreak

urrrgh!!! my body is a freakin wreck!!! its just one of those freakin times where my body feels like crap. and my mind is also a blur.

lets see...its from not excercising often, playing badminton witout warming up, sleeping late, straining my eyes out on drawings, typing out journals and essays, and not enough water.

i have a sore throat, a cramp neck, several body parts aching, teary eyes, and worst of all all the FUCKING WORK i still have to do. blargh!

its a nonstop flow of work, but i dont mind much onli for the essays and journals. what a freakin pain!

drawing >>>>> writing

other then that, my life has been pretty much 'uneventful' in the aspect of no gossip, no one im interested in, and no one interested in me (duh).

but its strange that im not 'bored' yet. as in like how i usually complain about 'a life witout contemplation or meaning'. all the friends i have in school keep me entertained. i may not be close to any of them, but they are a lively bunch, always fun to simpy just chat with them.

and yesterday natasha chatted with me after a looooong time.

shes still a damn immature young fool. haha. but she got me thinking about stuff like chasing gals. haha! its cos of part of the conversation.

nat// : i tot ur skl'z full of gurlz
Archfreak...: yeah it is!
Archfreak...: but i not aiming for any
nat// : haha
nat// : any cute ones?
Archfreak...: hmm
Archfreak...: yeah
Archfreak...: there are
nat// : rilie hott ones?
Archfreak...: hurrr...i just not realli into any
Archfreak...: oh hot huh
Archfreak...: more
Archfreak...: lol
nat// : i think u should go fer them
nat// : but anyways
nat// : ur choice n urs alone
Archfreak...: hmm...y do u think i should go for them
nat// : i duno
nat// : start a relationship so tht u hv sth to
look forward when u're at skl???
nat// : like...seein' ur gurl in the corridors?
Archfreak...: haha!
Archfreak...: hmm
Archfreak...: interesting thoughts
nat// : haha
nat// : nah
nat// : just tht wut i'd like when i'm in a
boi+gurl skl
nat// : skl sux u noe
Archfreak...: haha
Archfreak...: yeah i noe...
nat// : haha
nat// : yahh
nat// : NO INTEREST at all???
Archfreak...: lol
Archfreak...: no interest yet
Archfreak...: like...i see some gals i feel attracted to
but i dont wanna do anything cos i onli noe thier looks

and then the conversation trails off to stuff about flirting with people, which is boring crap. the thing is, it made me realise how different my views had changed about wooing gals. its like...y the hell should i be like 'hunting' for a gal?

as i always say, go with the flow.

like i see a friend of mine, who has like so many targets and hes upset when each target gets struck off his list. wtf mannn. thats not love. its like some kind of forced thing.

like when a person onli wants a gal for the status of 'attached', not for realli having true feelings for who the gal is. do u people understand? lol.

so yeah...go with the flow. or as my best buddy fukun would say, 'time will tell'.

p.s.: mixing slacking and work is tough...

Uniform Students

Uniform Students

this is a report of sorts about what i think of secondary and junior college students after being a newly fledged POLYTECHNIC STUDENT.

secondary and JC students are best at

• crowding shopping centres like ants during thier free days(SPECIFICALLY SECONDARY SMALL FRIES)
• making me think how inferior they are due to thier uniforms

secondary school students

• guys in short pants are fucking pathetic
• guys in short pants are to be addressed as SMALL FRY only
• girls in lower sec are freakin annoying with all thier damned exaggerated probs
• lower sec people in general are worth kicking cos they think a a few years diff doesnt mean we're smarter.
• i mean...c'mon. lower sec people are damned stupid. ok this isnt realli a point but nevertheless.
• upper sec gals are also freakin annoying. e.g.* Q: "I FAILED MY TEST AGAIN!! WHAT TO DO?!?!" Ans: "suicide is your only option."* *Statement: "i think my boyfriend is cheating on me." Reply: "i can see why he might want to do that."*
• upper sec guys are at least not so bad imo.
• Sec School students generally suck alot.

JC students

• are always fucking cheerful in groups. what is up with that?!?!
• girls in JC ALWAYS wear thier skirts short. not that im complaining.
• guys in JC seem to like thier school pants very baggy.
• uniforms of JC student are pretty damned boring.
• Jc students generally rock hard.

people who might be offended by what i said (especially stuff regarding sec school students) can take note that im freakin nuts. thank you.

p.s.: just kidding

Anniversary

Anniversary

i just realised something.

ive had this blog since 28th may 2004. ok so im one day late but who freakin' cares? i sure as hell don't.

i never thought id keep this blog for so long! hahaha! this is like a small achievement. or rather, something i didn't think would happen.

some facts about this blog.:
-
this blog skin has nvr been changed. not even once from the time i chose it!

this blog has survived only because of constant (irritating) requests from friends to get off my lazy ass and type stuff about my pathetic life.

no entry from this blog has ever been deleted or 'purged'. this is because i wish to retain all my emotions and feelings of the past. no deleting my shame or regret of the past.
-

alrite...i think thats all i want to write relating to this so called 'Anniversary'.

my true concerns are what i wish to say now
this is addressed to her.

please don't worry about how i feel anymore. i am now fine. truly. i have gotten ur message and fully understood it. i am past the pointless emotions. i am fine =). now, i only hope that YOU are fine. i believe u are feeling far worse then me. dont think about it so much anymore! ur torturing yourself. i know...perhaps u can't help it, the feelings and thoughts just don't go away. so im guess i HOPE you will be fine.

theres no need to say sorry anymore. u didn't mean what u did, and i know ur saying sorry to make me feel better. theres no need to do so anymore. i have changed my phone picture. you are still the great friend i percieve u to be. if you are a sucker, then i am too. i have let my feelings go, but i will not let this friendship go.

you have, indeed, changed me. all my friends have. everyone around me, has shaped me into what i am now. you are no different. this life goes on, and that doesn't mean i have to leave you behind.

real friends go forth together. regardless of what happens.

p.s.: one who is emo but says nothing of it. no one realises.

Reminescience

Reminescience

today, i read jason's blog again. i read further into his past entries. simply said, i laughed my ass off reading his entries.

then after that, i thought to myself. my writing used to be funny. entertaining. nonsensical. though probrably not as good as jason's, it used to be better then it is now.

then i reread my old blog entries. i laughed to myself. memories just flood back at the details i wrote. this blog used to be consistently updated, about once a week. now i see, i no longer care as i once did.

im supposed to be writing interesting, witty stuff!

whats happened? i miss my old school friends, who in the first place, coaxed me into starting this blog. now they are no longer around to witness my energy go into this blog. in fact, they no longer care for any blog, including thier own.

stuff like my vocab, word usage, and spelling, have been poor. i never thought i'd CARE so much about my english usage.

p.s.: im no longer the same

Nil

Nil

yesterday was the 1st time in a long time i kinda cried...

no i wasnt crying uncontrollably...

just some tears.

i dunno y. i just felt so sad. like im alone. with no one to care about me.

u noe...its like...in the design school...i have lots of friends. i have lots of fun with them. talk cock sing song... but when it gets down to stuff that MATTERS...the stuff of emotions...theres NO one there.

siti is always working. fukun is busy with school stuff. nurul is also busy...

i noe. if i told them i had a prob, they would go to me. they would want to make me feel better. but its times like these u dont want to find them. u want them to come. to find U. to be THERE even if u dont say it. arent humans so selfish?

i dont want silly advise...like 'its gonna be ok', 'take it easy', 'its just like that'. i can read those out of a book titled 'typical optimistic phrases'. i guess u onli give good advice when u care.

now after all this stuff has happened...i dont wanna care about my past temptations any longer...at least not for a period of time. im gonna devote myself to my work and martial arts.

p.s.: my mental activity has slacked over the days. whats happened..?!

Back OFF

Back OFF

i dont understand...

ive been misjudged. cos of someone who says its cos shes oversensitive. i dunno if ive done anything wrong...that might upset her...whats up with this...

i just told her i hope shes not awkward...but obviously her mental tots are no longer the same once ive said what i did. dont blame me when im doing NOTHING.

sometimes im bz and i cant reply sms...and if its among friends its no big deal rite?!?! a guy should definitely reply...but sometimes...i cant be there for everyone...i onli wish i could devote my life to my friends...but i noe, if i do that id no longer exist...

im not trying to say im being bullied here...or wadever...i just wanna say what i wanna say...in my own space...

im not trying to say im like some pathetic guy or shes a bad person...

no...i believe shes a great person...

i just...feel that shes need not be so blunt...i already noe ur feelings...i already noe...but u dont have to shove it in my face...i already noe...

now this is my act of being oversensitive...i dont care

i understand and respect ur decision...our friendship is what matters...

p.s.: this is my matter. dont bug me...

Neon OEI!!!

Neon OEI!!!

alrite...i havent written in this blog for some time and lots of stuff has happened since the last entry...stuff like the FREAKIN TP CAMP!!!

the TP F.O.C (freshman orientation camp) was great maaaan...just freakin great...

i got to noe sooo many people in just 3 days!!! the activities there were just damn fun...all the cheers, HILARIOUS games, and pyscho GL's.

DAY 1

the 1st day was the shortest. my dad brought me to the camp by car. as he was driving in to the camp site, he saw this gal who was walking along side the side, so he asked her to hop in for a free ride. i was like..WHAT! cos i dont feel very comfortable with hot, female, strangers...i tend to behave like a moron -.-

but after we got off from the car, i asked her name and what course she was in..and hey! first friend from the camp! hahaha. but we went on our own ways to go to different groups. i went to a group called NEON.

so its like...i was guided to my group by a GL and all this people were sitting in a circle, just staring at other people, looking around...asking names, courses...u could c socializing everywhere! and so followed the ICE BREAKING GAMES. can i skip this part? typical ice breaking ah...meh. we also learned our cheers during this time. at first i was like...what the hell...but later i was realli on for these cheers. just fun cheering like idiots in a mass!

we also met the so called, SHIM during this day...his real name is Kai and he is FREAKIN HILARIOUS guy...he is called shim for a speical reason of course -.-

then we had the 'get-freshies-to-know-more-of-tampines-central' game! basically we got a clue and had to find places in tampines cntreal from these clues. when we arrived at the destination,we would have to do a task, and then be given another clue, rinse and repeat till all were done. just summarise lah huh -.-

i forgot whats after that game so ill just skip to SLEEP...or rather...THE LACK OF IT. u c...the fans in the hall, the place we were sleeping in, was switched off during a certain time at night, leaving us to suffer in torment, sweating buckets when we should be sound asleep. WORSE MOMENT IN CAMP EVAR! i didnt even get to sleep a wink!!!

Day 2

alrite...this day was pretty much a blur to me...as i didnt sleep atall, everything i heard, or saw was pretty much all a swirl jumbled senses...

if im not wrong the activites that dya were...the crappy morning pt...the BUCKET AND THE CONE *LMAOZ*...the HAIRY MAN HUNT!...the scavenger hunt, the performance at nite, and lastly...the 1 hr dance rave, finished by TP mass dance and the funky chicken!!!

i was super high that day...thanx to having no sleep and onli adrenaline keeping me awake, i totally heck care what i was doing, ESP during the rave...geeeez i was like in a trance, hypnotised by the thumping music and hot, sweaty bodies. i become addicted to the drug. i couldnt stop. i was HOOKED
towards the end of the dance i stepped out for a drink. as i was going back to the hall, i suddenly heard...THE SONG FOR MASS DANCE!!! so i was like...WTF!!! CHIOOOONG!!! hahaha! i soooo love that dance. i then proceeded to a group of 3 gals and asked one of them 'may i?'. she was like..'huh?' so i said 'nvrm' but HEY! she then said OK to dance. woo hoo. haha...but i was pretty stupid...i didnt ask her name after we finished!

then proceeded for debrief, and then some sleep...

Day 3

alriteeee...the last day...

today was the day we had LOADS of water games...its like...WHOLE day we were wet...nvr a moment of dryness...

but hell...it was sooo damned fun. just getting soaked by cool water in the hot sun. so shiok! we were like BEGGING for water to be sprayed on us! but the quiet people didnt wanna get soaked...geez they dunno what they missing daaa.

after all that water fun, it was time for...THE FINAL CLASH!!! (cue dramatic 'brace urself' music)

ok...the game is simply destroying another teams paper ring (shaped like a lollipop) by throwing water bombs at it...simple rite? simple but VIOLENT. haha. could c alot of heated emotions during the game

ok...so there were 6 teams...the 5 empires and the Log Gl's. we played at a big field

simply said, the GL's got owned pretty bad -.-.

then followed by a DOUBLE, DOUBLE K.O. by Neon and Krypton. its like...both teams just RUSH and threw everything they had CLOSE RANGE. i was one of them who threw the bomb to the lollipop. we practically ignored the other humans and aimed for THE BIG LOLLIPOP. both were destroyed once, and then TWICE after given a 2nd chance. so we left the field and cheered on!!!

we had been defeated but hey! we took our opponent with us and our spirits were still BLAZING! wooooo!! we cheered and cheered on the rest. finally, xeon was the one that won...haha. well..the game wasnt realli fair...i noe from reliable sources =). but hey it was still fun

so we all walked back to the hall and there was prize giving. after prize giving, there was...THE EMO SPEECH. or should i say...THE LAME SPEECH! geez...so lame leh the head of student union...hahaha

but kai realli did cry alot...he was like...so emo...respect man! haha...nothing wrong with a guy crying!

there was also the last mass dance of the camp!!! yesssaaaa!!! i love the dance! hahaha.

lastly there was the giving of certificate and LOTS of photo taking! by goodness...practicaly every 'unshy' guy went to take a pic with jia yi (me included >_<). shes just too damn chio lah...cannot resist taking photo...haha

theres a tradition to go to cpf building and eat with all the campers after the camp, but i didnt go. i was already too damned tired lah...it was already like past midnite! i needed sleep not fun and food! heard some people stayed even till 6am in the morning!!! GEEZ...hardcore lah...respect!

so yeah...thats the main stuff that happened during the camp. i met alot of new people, alot of nice gals, alot of cool guys. apparently alot of people were 'attracted' to each other.

but apparently im not 1 one them...haha...didnt find anyone i realli liked =P

i wont ever forget this camp...realli the most fun ive had in my life...

p.s.: TP TP SUT SUT OEEEIIIIII!!!

Ponder

Ponder

am i in love again?

am i hiding this feeling?

am i scared of rejection?

am i realli confused or am i just running away?

am i simply scared things wont go the way i want?


am i a coward...?


p.s.: time will tell =)

BACK!!!

BACK!!!

dammit people...5 freakin days...of staying in perth, australia. FINALLY BACK!!! WOO HOO!!!.

now please people...dont get me wrong...i noe im lucky to go the perth and all. but dammit! the place onli has shopping and food! im a guy. i shop for say 2 day, and im DONE. 3 extra days? BOREDOM! theres no natural scenary, and everywhere its urban.

but at least theres a consolation. the girls there are freakin. hot.

i think its mainly the way they dress. they LOVE cloths which show thier figure. the cloths are like tight around thier body ya noe!!! not skin tight...but still gripping thier body. and they have the FIGURE to show for it dammit...*AHEM*...uh...i think ill stop =)

and ive bought some gifts for people...if u want'em then sms or call me dammit...im notur servant! ive bought for people like nurul, siti, ivan, ying hui, and chin fu.

note to felicia: im sorry feli but i could not find what u were looking for. SORRY!!! do NOT kill me.

p.s.: if u wanna go to aussie...DONT GO TO PERTH. GO TO MELBOURNE OR BRISBANE!

Drained

Drained

yesterday, i awoke at 8am in the morning, rather then my usual 11am. the reason was so as to do my medical checkup for my polytechnic. i went with ivan, joel and jeffrey. first, we went to tampines dbs to do have an appointment for the checkup, but apparently, the earliest date for checkup was on the 18th -.- . thus, we guys went to eastern clinic at bedok (or upper changi?) to do the checkup.

it took a faggin long time. by the time all of us were done with the waiting, and checkup, it was already say...2pm? blaaaargh. we guys chatted about what kinda gal we like...as in ya noe...which part of the body ull take note of. hehe. joel had nothing much to say...ill not disclose the rest as well =P. as for me, i said i look at the eyes and ass first hahahaha! but no matter how hot the gal is, if shes a bitch, no hotness can save her.

they then went to my house to kill time. blah blah blah. joel and jeffrey left after about an hour and later i left the house with my brother, ivan, and kenneth (my brother's friend). ivan went home, and the rest of us went to my brothers poly chalter thing.

two words: FUCKING. BORING.

my bro went back home from the chalet for awhile to bring some stuff over, so i followed. i met ivan along the way and we went back to the chalet. the chalet is nonsense i tell u. its so CRAPPY. so i left with ivan and we both wandered the whole of freakin pasir ris.

commence of wandering: 1am+

so we wandered around, talked crap, discussed on certain topics, about different kinds of people...all while trekking in the voids of the night.

time: 3am

then i got tired. so we went back to my house so i could sleep and he could take his own stuff home. so i unlocked the gates, and pushed the door open. but lo and behold! the door was BOLTED SHUT from the inside!!! and NO ONE WAS AWAKE.

so...about turn and more wandering -.-

we wandered off even farther now, till our words were slurred, our bodies slouching.
ill cut the crap. my 5am i decided to go back and wake my mom and let home.

tired man...just tired...awoke earlier today onli to barely sleep in darkness...

so now, my typing is sloppy and my eyes are burning...so i apologise if this was a crappy read. hehe.

p.s.: ivan is the THIGH MAN

Shameless Advertisement

Shameless Advertisement

The principle of aikido is to blend in with the force or attack,
join it and continue using the other persons power along with
your own power against them. Aikido uses a system of
leverage, finger, wrist and arm locks to subdue their potential
attacker.

Students spend a great deal of time learning to fall and roll,
usually on padded mats. This is necessary as the practice of
aikido requires practitioners to be able to withstand various types
of throws, sweeps and takedowns.

Typically, after a couple of years of training, students of aikido
are able to defend themselves from various type of open handed and
weapon attacks.

Watching a skilled Aikido student can be beautiful. It seems so
effortless in their maneuvers that they are able to send their
would be attacker flying in different directions.

p.s.: just a detailed description of aikido =P

Aikido

Aikido

on the 31st of march, a thursday, i went for my first aikido lesson...

aikido, for those of u who dont noe, is a type of martial arts, based on countering movements of an opponent using his own force. it involves some footwork and coordination.

the venue was the community centre, 8pm, at the basketball court. when i reached there, mat's were already laid on the floor and a number of people, about 30, were in thier aikido 'gi' (the uniform). i, being one of the newcomers, wore my typical t-shirt and pants. i was the onli one who didnt wear something that covered my whole leg.

the feeling of being a newcomer was a little awkward at first, as i didnt noe what to do. i was told to follow the rest first, which i did. we bowed to the picture of the founder of aikido, and we did some warm up. in case u didnt noe, i had went to the gym 2 days earlier from that thursday. i was already aching as my body had not recovered, esp my abdominal muscles. but there was no excuse when doing warm up...i was totally struggling when doing the warm up, didnt even do any aikido thing yet!

by the end of just the warm up, i was sweating, and panting. i wasnt ready to go there! damn i tot...shouldnt have gone to the gym!

however, after the warm up, the newcomers were separted from the rest. there were 5 newcomers including me. the oldest being a 37 year old man, followed by me, then a sec 1 malay girl, a primary 5 malay boy, and lastly, a very young malay boy whose age i still have not found out.

one of the intructors tutored us from then on, separately from the rest.

we learned how to forward roll, backward roll, do different stances, switching between these stances, falling down safely from a fall, and how to do a basic throw by utilising the stances we had just learned.

we had to roll and roll and roll over and over to get used to it. 4 times forward then 4 times backward. being thrown by people and rolling safely away. it was realli interesting though it was very physical! the whole of my back is aching now, even my shoulders, arms and thighs. the worst of all is my abdominal muscle!! even sneezing hurts!!! dammit!

and i was a little disapoint...cos there werent ANY CHIO BU'S AT ALL!!! >_< blaaargh! onli one lone gal for the young adults class and she isnt even pretty or anything. hahaha, i sound totally despo.

anyways, my friends, im going to australia soon! going to perth to visit my sister and just relax. too bad not going to melbourne or i might c the bitch again! hahaha! ill be gone for about 5 days i think...from the 14th of april

p.s.: i wanna go back to siglap again!!! hahaha! feel the urge of seeing my juniors...wonder how they are doing.

By Request

By Request

due to numerous requests to stop being a lazy ass and update this blog, i am now typing this entry...its been a long time since ive blogged eh?

im now waiting for school to start again. dammit! y does school start on 23 may?!?! i want it to start EARLIER! i wanna meet more people, or actually...GIRLS! bwahaha! now im no longer say...deprived of female company. ive gotten used to it...
and now for some strange reason more people are saying im a 'nice guy' and should have no problem getting a gf (-.-). what the hell. its kinda creepy ya noe...cos i dont c myself as someone most people would bother about. sure i may be a 'nice guy' i guess but its no big deal. people still dont care much.

i think im gaining weight! geez...no more P.E. in school is taking its toll. ive gained a FULL KG!!! WOW! hahaha! no big deal but this may just be the start...

most of the people i noe are going to temasek polytechnic. guess ill still be seeing some familier faces. siti is going to nyp. geez...ill miss her to bits. im actually kinda worried for her...shes not good at making good friends. will she get lost going there?! will she be all alone?!?! goodness im like some worried parent. u better be thankful siti!!! theres a sucker always looking out for u (-.-)

p.s.: PLS LET THERE BE HOT CHICKS MY COURSE! =P

Emotions

Emotions

after a long time away from this blog, i finally wanna update it again.

the reason im updating now is because, these few days, i feel so overcome by my emotions. like, i will feel sad for things that dont realli concern me, i will help people even though its out of my way. i just feel like i want to love everyone i can! just...to be a TRUE friend when someone needs it.

after all this time, during these holidays...is it because of time away from school? or is it just me? i dunno...but i do noe now, the importance and value of your companians...

i went to school today for the CNY performance.

ill skip the shit in the morning. i didnt watch the performance in the hall. but what i did c, was my juniors, the main reason y i still love the school.

i dunno how to say it. these juniors are just...so damn freakin important to me. its not like i NEED them or DEPEND on them. i just REALLI LOVE THEM. i feel so attached to them. to the point like i want thier recognition? i dunno. i feel like of all my friends, i like my juniors in school the most...even though in truth my group of 'brothers' have far more value and we are more bonded, we guys are still, in essence, GUYS. the love we share is more the rough and gruff kind.

its hard to explain, but perhaps, some people may understand what i mean.

anyways, later after the performance, i went with kun, yh, paul, andy, jy, khadijah and sharon to whitesands. we ate canadian pizza. we even gambled after the food! now i think of it, thank goodness no police came or else that would have been trouble.

later, we went to orchard, without kun and paul. i have nothing much to say here. but what i did notice was that, jerreme realli hasnt changed. he claims he has changed, but in truth, it is onli in the minimal. he is still the childish fem-obsessed moron i noe though slightly more 'controlled'. lol kkk.

another thing i noticed was, now sharon was so much more...'loose' then before. she was no longer serious and stiff. she could joke around and have fun so much better then before. it was then that i realised, she was indeed, a beautiful gal. i nvr tot that, even when many said she was pretty last yr. i had tot she had changed, becoming more 'beautiful' then before, but now i noe it was simply me. the mental liking of a person does indeed play a big part in things.

p.s.: i need someone to talk to and share my tots with!!! girls truly are more gentle...

Deprived

Deprived

im feeling realllliii deprived of...

FEMALE COMPANY!!!

omg...i sound like a freakin old pervo...but i realli am feeling that way...
its like, whenever im out, i CANT STOP LOOKING AT PRETTY GALS!!! this is a baaaad sign that i do need females...now i noe how guys in boy schools feel like...

its not as if i didnt look at pretty gals before, but now i feel that i am overdoing it...like as if i just cant control my eyes! i used to be not so bothered about gals i just c, but now its like im getting more and more 'observant' (hope i didnt sound too much like a despo)

anyways, i wanna get a job...very soon...im getting tired of rotting in my current state...all i do is stay home and once in a while i go out but thats IT!

i need something to do! and whats more, i realli have to meet more people (actually, more of girls)

im quite disguested at myself...lol...am i like some psycho guy who NEEDS GALS AROUND so much? urgh...nvrm as long as i dont behave like a desperate asshole (behavior i deem as intolerable)

p.s.: yes...i am a sick ass... >_<

Say my farewells

Say my farewells

grad nite is over...in fact it was over a few days ago, ive been slacking...i actually didnt feel like updating but when i saw my other friends blogs about grad nite, my emotions activated and thus...

grad nite was fun...i was realli looking forward to the tribute part but then i realise, it was onli for sec 5! where are the sec 4's...its disapointing cos while i felt sad about leaving, it felt like we sec 4's were kinda left out...

but it wasnt such a bummer...in the end i had lots of fun going around the ballroom, taking photos with everyone. it was realli run just snapping pics with all my dear friends, those who i had spent 4 yrs with, suffering and living and enjoying in the same school...i didnt even mind the endless flashing and temporary blindness

i have to say the most ravishing individuals present in the ballroom were sharon and chu hue...when i first saw them i was shocked...jerreme kept sayng to us 'OMG SHARON IS HOOOOTTTTT!!!' cos he and me saw her entering...and damn id have to agree with him...wahaha!...

my onli regret was that i didnt take photos with ruiwen, kai lin, and ching ling...none of them seemed to have a camera and i too didnt have...i have fond memories of those 3 especially in sec 2...but when i couldnt take photos with them in the end, it was kind of a aching feeling...

in the end, at the end of grad nite, the heavy thumping music start, and whao!...the wild people started to shake thier booties! adrena's skirt is WAYYYYY too short for her to be dancing like that *I COULD ALMOST SEEEEE!!!!* >_<...lol kkk *pervo*

after while though, it was time to leave with my bros but the feelings of leaving (for me at least) was heartwrenching! stepping out of the ballroom one final time, was painful and i didnt wanna get out but in the end...i did. with one step out, and a final look at the still raving dancers, teachers, and everyone else, i bid my secondary school life adieu, and walked with my head held high and my heart held low. it was such an empty feeling.

but in the end, i enjoyed myself thoroughly

p.s.: i shall nvr forget my 4 yrs here...cheers to our new life!

wtfomgbbq!!!!!!!!!!11111one!!!111hundredandeleven!!!111

wtfomgbbq!!!!!!!!!!!111111one!!!onehundredandeleven!!!111

ok...long time since i update...and...this is probrably the last time i will update till after my o lvls...

i shall say now...that my results for prelims suxorz...i total of 33 for L1R4 and 42 for L1R5...are those numbers 'divine' or what? well im aiming for a low 19 points for the O's (L1R4) and im still waaaaay far from that target...

study study study...everyone who treats me as a friend...pls start studying...lets c each other next yr with smiling faces. even a slacker like me is studying now...onli about 1 month more...

theres nothing much to say now...as mr wee said...drop ur social life to score well...and i think he is rite...rite now everything is secondary...haiz...i cant wait for the exams to be over!!!

well...nothing much to put here...just tough out out for 2 more months people!!! 2 more months and we are home free...!!!

p.s.: if theres ever a subject that deserves the title 'Tough Biatch' its got to be A maths...

uneasy

uneasy

i just read her online diary...its kind of disturbing...

after reading my bros' (not my blood bro) and hers' online diary, i am getting a feeling that...there is something deeper to them...

i think that my bro actually develpoed some feelings for her...(well...something like that lah)...during the past few days, but seems like he forsook his feelings to study and not to hurt anyone...

and as for her...it seems she cant decide between the 2 of us cos we both have such concern for her...she even said that if one of us dont treat her well, she will go to the other one...that realli disturbed me...i can onli hope she is not serious or wasnt in her rite mind...

i am quite sure of these 'assumptions'...while some people may say its just assumptions...my so called assumptions are usually true...

i do not noe what to think of this event...on one side i feel that im glad my bro forsook his feelings but on the other hand...isnt me being this way kind of...selfish and posessive...i do not noe...

as for her...i have always felt that she simply cant decide on matters of the heart and that she falls for guys easily...i was even told by another bro to be wary of such a thing...in fact, i was aware of this all along...but...perhaps i tot it wouldnt be such a big deal

lol...in the end wadever i said may just be all speculation...oh well...

thoughts of a paranoid

p.s.: my heart is troubled but still intact. hope someone understands

*EDIT*

ok...i just talked to her...and i feel much better now...wadever i said pre to this edit doesnt apply to me anymore...lol...

anyways...i tot id update on more stuff lah...after all its like...boring writing such a short entry...

well ok...prelims are coming soon...and woo hoo...I AM READY FOR A.MATHS!!! BRING IT ON MS D. YONGSTER!!!

alriiiite...anyways...i havent studied for anything else other then A,maths so i am a little screwed indeed...the science practicals are coming soon and i dunno where the fuck is my chemistry lab notes...u noe the one which tells u what the results indicate...so i am a little worried

and i just read nurul's latest entry...she was talking about love...

well...love...to me love is the single greatest mystery...its like...the purpose of our lives are all about love...nurul said that she didnt realli feel love, not much even from family...but isnt there a love between friends? to me, how a person is depends on the love the parents give...up until one is totally independent of them. then friends come next when a person can think independently for oneself (for most people this is when one nears sec 1). friends are the secondary guide that moulds a person. then the 3rd is the sexual love...love between a male and a female (or otherwise...*AHEM*)...this sexual love however, cannot be predeicted as to when one feels it as everyone is different...of course, as im a religious person...i believe the love that nvr leaves us is God's love...but the love that affects us MOST is the love felt by other mortals (at least to me)...

love is so random and unpredictable...thats y us humans too are so...strange and wierd...all because of the love we recieve...in case any of u didnt noe, u are onli who u are now by mainly (1) the love u recieve and (2) EVERY SINGLE THING U SENSE and to a much lesser extent is (3) our genes from our parents...

i think ill blabber one more about this in my next entry...gtg now...

p.s.: embrace love and u too shall be embraced by it...

time at end of edit - 2042 hrs