Every morn, the greet of crimson

2012-01-07T01:14:00.003+08:00

Nights of silent sorrow that reach far within the darkest depths of nothingness.

2011-12-13T00:52:00.003+08:00

I dont know how to pray this. So I have decided I will type it out.

I am angry. Upset. Tired.

God, I am angry, upset and tired. Not at you. Definitely not. But at your people. I am upset that those who planned the Christmas party did not consult us, the Logistics team. And then they expect us to go through with the decoration like it is our job. They thought of the concept and when they were satisfied, left the work to us to do. I really do feel this way, like they are throwing their job to us. They speak to the crowds and build the hopes up for the event and expect us to work to match up to those hopes. But I cannot see it Lord, I cannot! Each time I hear them my heart worries as I just don't see it. It falls to us to work!!!

Dear God, I am very very very angry when I think about it all!

Now for this week I have to work on the decor everyday. I never wanted this but somehow it became my problem.

I am sacrificing my time to do this when I barely feel their presence. I NEVER WANTED TO DO THIS BUT NOW I FEEL LIKE I AM DOING EVERYTHING THAT IS NOT MY PROBLEM!

It is not just this Christmas party. I am tired of setting up decoration for events that I have no interest in and have no joy in doing whatsoever. God, if I were to serve you, I want to serve in gladness and joy, not in agony. I do not want to be a part of this any longer but I am bound by responsibility.

God, guide me in my actions and in what I do. You know me and you alone shall judge me in the coming weeks. I have decided that once I fulfill this task, I will no longer be involved in such work that pains me.

God guide me. God give me strength to do what I have to do.

God...I will continue on, because I have no choice now. They need me and that is why I continue, because I cannot just leave it without finishing. But I am resolute in my desire to no longer suffer this in the future.

Help me God.

Help me to find peace.

Help me to forgive them.

Help me to be RESOLUTE and ADAMANT for what is right and just!

Help me to do what is necessary!

Help me to love them while speaking and to act in love once it is over.

This I pray to you Lord.

Amen.

Be a volunteer

2011-12-08T23:16:00.002+08:00

Serve with joy. You must.

This blog.

2011-11-23T22:10:00.003+08:00

I realise all of my friends old blogs are no longer active.

Blogging was popular back in 2004.

Now no one bothers.

And yet I still blog now and then.

This blog is so very old.

It has so many memories kept inside of it.

All the good and bad experiences, the terrible writing, the totally unpolitically correct entries I used to post, the interesting stories, the rants, the many reflections and thoughts.

And yet... One day it will be left behind. All of it.

Makes me somewhat sad.

If you are an old friend of mine who knew this blog, leave me a msg.

Taylor Swift

2011-11-15T16:07:00.001+08:00

I've slept 3 hrs in 2 days and you need to shut up.

2011-10-02T11:12:00.001+08:00

I feel lost without her.

2011-09-10T23:28:00.001+08:00

Lord, help.Help.

The Dark Root

2011-09-07T01:47:00.002+08:00

The darkness does not seep in.

It seeps out from the heart and infects the rest of the body.

And the root of it is in the intellect of ones mind.

In observance, evil and twisted thoughts do occur.

In remembrance, temptations sometimes get to me.

The hunt for things long lost, and the hunt for things anew.

Will he ever be satisfied?

Dear God

2011-07-14T17:17:00.005+08:00

Dear God, if ever I were to doubt You, You have made it such that I can never doubt what You have gifted me. As logic dictates, the giver is greater than the gift, thus it has been made so that I should never doubt. But in my mortal weakness and cursed intellect, I do. Let what has been given me be a reminder of You, O Lord. Despite my misgivings and flaws, You have seen me through this existence, and in the faith You place upon me, I have no right to resist You or turn away from You.

Dear God. I thank You for bringing Karen into my life.

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you,

Philippians 1:3

2011-06-24T02:17:00.002+08:00

I stare at the screen, thinking of all the things I should note down.

I get to writing. And nothing happens.

The purpose seems lacking.

And that is the story of this blog for now.

2011-06-17T01:47:00.002+08:00

Little words written by me mean so little next to the reality that is her.

My words try to shine some light of my feelings but what could compare?

2011-05-14T00:51:00.002+08:00

The look in her eyes is enough for my heart to skip a beat.

And that may very well kill me one day.

Or have I already been slain?

2011-04-20T03:21:00.004+08:00

Two men seek a great treasure.

Both go their own ways in seeking out what they desire, following what they feel is best in their hearts.

They end up in entirely different routes on their journey.

One ends up in the dessert.

The other finds himself in the vast ocean.

Who was on the right path and who was further away?

-------

As men are different, so too are their ways. As truth is definite, so too the paths leading to it.

-------

Is Truth definite?

Yes.

Is there a fixed Truth among man?

No, I do not believe so.

2011-04-19T19:34:00.005+08:00

To be spiritual is an attempt to see the world in its intended reality. To see a perspective of this world which the eye alone cannot witness. Instead, the heart itself is used to feel, to see and to hear, and in doing so, to perceive a truth that goes beyond the surface.

To be lacking in the spirit would be to see the world in its reality, but only with the mind of logic and pure rationality, without the sense of "feeling". It reminds me of chasing after desires that have no lasting worth. A habit of those who seek to fill the void in their hearts with the things of this world.

To be over-spiritual... is to see what is in ones imagination, puffing it up, and proposing it as reality. The defining quality of over-spiritualism would be the exaggeration of the mind that seems to supersede the normal intended purpose of things. To make something appear to be more than it is.

-------

Those lacking in spirit are oft characterised as people who chase after objects of material value that have little worth in the afterlife. The types who seem to place integrity lower on the list. The types who use their bodies for their own devices. It has little to do with religion. Everything to do with principle.

Those who are over-spiritual are oft characterised as the religious who go through extra lengths to credit everything in their lives to something supernatural. They fail to see the world as it is and instead make of it what they imagine to be something much more grand. The danger here lies in the distortion of truth to suit their conceived notions.

-------

Are we guilty of being either?

Tis not to say that the world is simply mundane. In fact, it is so much in its ordinary state. No need for embellishments. It is beautiful simply because. Something that must be felt, not studied. Stand silent and behold.

2011-04-13T13:28:00.002+08:00

Holy Macaroni...

After next Moon day I have 3 months of non-schoolery!

And then I have to be slapped Awake.

Already, one school year is done with. 2 more to go.

And 30 and 6 thousands more to give.

2011-04-13T01:36:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I shall not ask You to guide me, for that is like telling the stars to burn and for light to shine or for snow to be cold.

Instead, I ask that You help me open my eyes, that I may see. That You help me be silent, so I may listen.

That in all things, I seek you first.

That in all I am given, to value You most.

-------

I am not a good Catholic.

But I must at least listen to this heart inside me.

This is what it is

2011-03-29T00:21:00.004+08:00

After talking to my friend, I am reminded.

I've heard this in the past. But I had forgotten about it.

Love is a commitment, not just a feeling.

Feelings are fickle.

A commitment is a promise to be rooted firmly.

I feel more confident now.

2011-03-13T01:12:00.003+08:00

I feel like I'm going on auto-pilot.

Only one thing has been making me go manual. And it feels like a blur.

2011-02-18T03:09:00.002+08:00

What is love?

Creature of Habit

2011-02-14T02:11:00.005+08:00

Some habits are hard to stop.

Some habits, I have already stopped.

Some habits, I have not stopped.

Some habits, I do not want to stop.

Some habits, I can not stop.

Cease, I command you!

2011-02-02T02:18:00.002+08:00

Times like these I wish I was stupid.

Sometimes, intellect can be a curse on the soul.

To think beyond reasonable lengths.

The dangers of thinking of thoughts.

Charcoal

2011-01-29T01:24:00.004+08:00

I think it is clear to me now.

Why am I expecting an explosion when I know that's not what I'm looking for?

So let me tell you a story about my dear friend, Vacillate.

Vacillate was out, shopping for supplies for a BBQ later in the week.

He went to the charcoal section, and took a look at all the different grades of charcoal that were heaped in stacks in the corner of the not-so-super supermarket.

Vacillate noticed a peculiar thing. All these bloody worthless chunks of black rock (which legend has it came from burnt and compressed ancient wood) had different prices despite all of them being...well, chunks of black rock!!

Almost immediately however, Vacillate noticed something else. On one particular set of bags, the packaging had labels describing the efficiency and quick ignition of its fuel. And hey, they looked the best out of the lot. The packaging was eye-catching. It had the right combination of colours. And a good choice of font. Compared to the other bags of coal which were...trashy, crappy, old brown papered packaging that looked like it was designed during the Industrial Revolution. And let me tell you my friend, aesthetics plays a big part in product placement for the consumer (so true.)

Best of all? That outstandingly designed bag of charcoal was the cheapest. Yes, the cheapest! Vacillate couldn't believe it! And he was too stupid to ponder about it too.

So he bought the cheapest of them, since hey, why would chunks of black rock make a difference anyway? Only a moron (or worse, a rich man's son) would be stupid enough to buy the higher priced coal.

Thinking he had made a good deal from it, Vacillate was rather pleased with himself. Good job, moron.

*Fast forward to the actual BBQ*

Vacillate brought his bag of cheapo-yet-asthetically-pleasing bag of coal. He was ready for some serious barbecuing.

-------

Btw. Side track a bit. I know BBQ stand for barbecue. But the word barbecue doesn't have any Q in it. It's just because "cue" sounds like Q. I mean...seriously! I know it makes sense but yet it doesn't seem right! Does anyone get me here???

-------

*AHEM*

So, as I was saying, he was ready for some burninating of carcasses and various body parts of deceased animals into some delicious grub.

And as he wished, so he did! He started the fire excellently and all was well...

For an hour.

Then his fire started to die out. Ooookay, well no prob. He still had half a bag of fuel. Pour it on baby.

Then another hour, and again it died out. Dang. He was running out of fuel!

Cut the long story short (and because I am getting tired, its already 2.15am) the BBQ got a whole lot shittier because of the standard of the coal.

So what happened? Let me break it down for you.

Vacillate had been deceived by fancy packaging. The price should have been a telltale sign but he was too distracted by the aesthetics to discern. The cheap-and-attractive bag of coal burned strong and passionately, but it had no stamina to maintain itself. It turns out, the other bags of coal required more investments for a good reason. Good coal takes a longer time to ignite, but it is made to last. The packaging may look crappy, but like many things that stand the test of time, they don't rely on looks because inner quality shines without trying. And Vacillate had to learn his lesson the hard way.

-------

So.

How many times have you been let down by a fire that you thought would have lasted, but failed epically?

I know it's happened to me lots of times.

And looking back, it seems obvious, if I would have only discerned and not rushed into things.

What I am looking for, is not an explosive burst.

What I would like, is a perseverant ember.

One that won't die on me simply because its nature is not meant to last.

One that I won't regret putting effort into.

-------

How do you know then, if the choice you made is right?

You have to try it.

See whats good for you.

And learn from it each time.

2011-01-24T02:05:00.002+08:00

I don't know what I want from this.

I don't even know what I really feel.

But I do know that something compels me. And I obey.

Constantly I ask myself if what I am doing is right.

Is it in line with God's will?

Am I acting blindly without considerations?

I don't really know.

What I do know however, is my prayer has been answered.

And whatever is the outcome from it, I will praise God.

And trust in him.

That I would be sincere, and open, and BRAVE (without the stupidity).

2011-01-24T01:36:00.003+08:00

I admit that I have never cried with such sorrow till I knew You.

Lord Jesus, guide me.

Doubt

2011-01-16T01:26:00.005+08:00

Sometimes late at night I wonder to myself if a lasting relationship is possible for me.

And at the back of my mind, the word is "no."

-

No, stop bluffing yourself cos you will never be able to move forward and you will just be as you are and you can never ever make things work cos you are just weird, you are a quirk, you dont fit with others, you dont make sense.

People may find you funny, or interesting, or a breath of fresh air, but you are a novelty and once people get sick of you and your ways then that is it, your luck is over and that is that.

So stop hoping for something to happen because it is pointless.

-

And God sends someone to remind me again...

"Doubt your doubt, before you doubt your beliefs."

And suddenly, I am saved.

-

2011-01-12T17:15:00.004+08:00

Most times, I am clear and certain on what I want.

However, I've come to believe that it is those things which make me uncertain, that are most important.

2011-01-08T02:10:00.000+08:00

Hi. I am a survivor from among millions of other contenders. I am the strongest out of my pack.

And so are you.

You out-lasted and succeeded where those millions have failed in life.

Don't you see? In your Mother's womb, you survived where they did not. You were the strongest, the best out of them. Out of millions, you were chosen.

So live your life full, as you were meant to.

2011-01-02T16:43:00.002+08:00

Something is wrong with me.

I wake up and I feel...happy.

It's similar to the feeling of waking up to a lovely dream. But unlike in the past, I don't feel cheated. I don't feel like its a big joke.

There is some kind of excitement within me. It gives me some sort of energy, that I can do things. Like there's some promise to the future.

I hope this isn't just some passing sensation thats caused by superficial events.

2010-12-30T02:08:00.000+08:00

Dear God, give me the strength to love and the courage to act.

2010-12-10T18:51:00.002+08:00

Dear Santa.

This Christmas, I would like a zombie for a pet.

Dont worry Santa, it'll be safe. I'll cut its arms off, and remove all its teeth, and maybe its lower jaw too.

I'll take care of it. I'll feed it kittens, and maybe hamsters too.

I'll bring it out for walks and maybe feed it a punk or two.

So please Santa. Can I have a zombie pet, please?

2010-12-02T04:56:00.002+08:00

Silence is a true friend who never betrays.

-Confucius

2010-11-25T22:14:00.000+08:00

Loneliness grips me.

2010-11-17T03:17:00.002+08:00

This night I feel like I want her to haunt me again.

And yet the feeling hits that it will never happen that way again. Not in the same way I let it wash over me in the past.

It is that nostalgia, that reminder of the past that floated by like a whiff of perfume and bam! - the memories come back.

But I am stronger now.

2010-11-14T00:51:00.002+08:00

This is the first time in a long time I really feel like telling someone "I will miss you" and yet not be able to say it.

Semesterstone

2010-11-12T09:31:00.002+08:00

Am done with my first major milestone of my first year in Lasalle.

Finished with the summative feedback, where they grade each students progress throughout the first semester after looking through our project works and journaling.

Honestly, my course in Lasalle is a lot more 'chill' than my course in Temasek. I feel like I have so much more free time. Or maybe now it could be that I am just more efficient, with me being done with 3 years of design school and 2 years of army discipline.

So, I feel like I am really slack. But the grades I got were not bad.

I got a "Good" grade for my project works as well as for my Creative Process Journaling.

A "Good" grade is sort of the grade to say "you are doing pretty alright, maintain this. but there are ways you can improve yourself", while a grade lower (satisfactory) would be to say "okay you made it, but you are at the borderline". Why borderline? Because lower than satisfactory is the "Unsatisfactory" grade, which is literally labeled with fine print at the bottom with the words: "Redeemable fail".

I expected myself to get what I did. Because any lower and that would not be justice for the effort and quality of work I know I put in. Any higher, and that would be injustice for all the things I did not do or was too lazy to make it into an excellent piece of work.

The lecturers were fair, thorough, and they knew what the students were doing, and more importantly, trying to do with their work.

I appreciate how the lecturers do not look at just the end result. The process from start to finish is just as important, if not more so than just the finish, when it came to the grading. I cannot be entirely certain that they remember every students work but it definitely feels that way - that they follow and know their students work individually.

Now after grading, the task is to keep in mind their suggested ways of improving my work and look forward to the next semester of school.

I have no more classes till the 10th of January. That is about 2 months of holidays. I have not had such a long break ever since... Well, ever since I enlisted into the army! Really, I am not certain what I am doing to do for 2 months.

-------

Thank God for the skills and talents that he has gifted me. Let it be a constant reminder that without Him, I have nothing, and so I should be humble and never boast of these gifts.

Let it also be a constant reminder that my actions are accountable. I am a helper of my fellow man, and though I may be lacking or unaware at times, may I continue to improve myself and continue to assist and be a friend to those in need. Forgive me for the times where I did not do so, for the times I thought of just myself.

Once again, I thank God for all the things which have happened and are yet to happen, regardless of whatever awaits.

NOT DEAD.

2010-10-30T20:12:00.005+08:00

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

This blog is under the blogspot domain.

Yes. Blogspot.

I know, I know...Blogspot is so 2006. Not cool like tumblr. *snort*

And...

I know, I know, I haven't written anything worth reading in a long time.

Well when I was in the army, I kept all my thoughts and feelings by journaling in a Little Black Book.

It was nice, to sit down and collect my thoughts and channel them unto a medium of ink and fibre.

But now that I am out of the army, my goodness, I havent even opened that LBB since late august.

Because...Army gave me lots of time to sit down and do nothing.

So do I mean I do not have enough time now that I am out? Definitely not! But don't you know there are so many better distractions??

Well, the chaotic and tumultuous world of being a civilian isn't as PEACEFUL as the army my dear readers! (Oh the irony!)

So like times before, I happen to read through the history of my dear old and dreadfully out-of-style blog, I get that feeling of nostalgia once again (such a troublesome emotion don't you agree?). So here I am. Typing away.

So.

How have you been lately?

-I've been bloody damned lazy.

What ya been up to since leaving the army?

-In LASALLE now. 3 years to go.

How is school?

-School is alright. Learning lots of new things which I am really enjoying. But damn I am so lazy and that complicates things.

What are you studying now?

-Study...? That word sounds familiar, I think I heard some sad sap mentioning it together with that other word...what was it...EXAMS??

Okay fine, what are you doing in school then?

-Design Communication. Basically, to communicate through design. I know, so deep right? Mmm

Any hot designer chicks?

-Haiz. You sad business/engineering/science students. But seriously, there are some freaky looking posers. I mean...fashionably confident people. Yeah.

Any hot designer guys?

- Are you flirting with me? *Gets stabbed in the eye*

---

Okay, I think that's enough for now. Till next time.

2010-10-30T19:53:00.001+08:00

My love for you is like a romantic ballad. It would last 3 minutes.

2010-10-16T15:38:00.002+08:00

I have time for all things, except hard work.

2010-09-09T18:00:00.001+08:00

ORD LO, YOU MOTHERS!

Ahem. I meant to say, I have finished my service. Cheerio to you and have a good day.

Good manners ftw.

2010-09-06T01:26:00.003+08:00

If I am a good man, I will stay away from her.

If she is a good woman, she will ignore me.

It is difficult to be good.

2010-08-07T03:01:00.001+08:00

God, save me from myself and guide me!

The Troublesomely Fond Past

2010-06-27T01:19:00.005+08:00

The truth is, the memories will always be with me.

And I will keep resisting some, simply because I have to.

And I will always embrace some, simply because I cannot not.

Its amazing how i have only 1 life and in this 1 life of mine, these other peoples with their likewise singular existence have affected me eternally forever and ever till the day I pass and beyond.

And I will never forget; I cannot.

The boys, as we were.

The girls, as I thought I knew.

The young men who were far from men.

The young ladies who confused me.

In another 5 years, I wonder.

The kind of madness that does not delight in itself.

2010-04-18T06:06:00.005+08:00

It is 6.06am on a Sunday morning.
I will have to book in by night time.
I am going to sleep till noon.
I have no intention of going for Mass.
I only have the intention of meeting people. Tangible people. Something I can comprehend. Something that does not have to be omni-potently uncomprehendable.

People ask me how I've been doing. But the gritty, dark details are not what they want to know. They would not sit with me and ask of such. Most people dont give a damn. I wonder why we ask each other when we dont really want to know. What an odd and strangely distant way of showing concern.

It is nights like these that are worst when one headily dives into. And this night, I shall, and I have. The kind of madness that maddens me so and yet I keep calm and steady in my seat. And steady as a sit with feet not still, within me things are brewing but without a flame. A feeling that sickens and beckons me alike.

The lengthy longings are slaying me and they keep me alive. A most unpleasent sensation. These eyes they wander and the mind wanders with them to somewhere distant far off this reality. To long for and wish to receive, knowing I will not receive, only wishing I could deceive deceive deceive myself into believing that I would and could have some sort of COMPANY. Maybe, perhaps, tis simply not more than the deep desperation of the the fairer company? I know for naught and I dare not know.

It is 6.35am on a Sunday morning.

And I am done with todays darkness.

2009-12-25T17:55:00.003+08:00

How are you?!

2009-11-08T13:22:00.002+08:00

"EY VIC! Long time! How are you?!"

*faint smile* "Uh...not sure really"

"HAHAHA what kind of answer is that???"

"Well im not sure how i feel so, im not sure"

"Err dude...chill leh hahaha, just a question!"

"Well then whats the point if I give a typical answer??"

"Eh...okay lah riiight"

"Uh huh...missed you guys alot"

" Oh thanx"
*pat on the shoulder*

*silence*

As tough as wet cardboard

2009-07-17T00:57:00.008+08:00

3 days ago on Tuesday, was the first time I have ever been in a fight. A physical one involving beating up my opponent with a pugil stick (google it).

Okay, I should correct myself. It's not really a fight. It's sparring. Between my army buddy and me.

But still, it was the first time I ever threw myself (literally) at someone to smash and bash his head in.

Here is what I learnt.

Watching boxing and martial arts matches can be fun. And the athletes in them can go on fighting for quite a few minutes each match without throwing in the towel.

But 30 seconds swinging that bloody bolster of a stick was tough work! In fact I felt it felt equivalent to sprinting 100 metres with weights on my body.

By 1m30secs, I was completely winded. If you know what SOC is, it felt like I had just finished running through it. Could barely even hold my stance.

I admit, fighting my buddy was not as tough as it could have been because well...my buddy is an extremely nice fellow. He probably cannot even bear to give me a full swing of the stick despite donning thick body and head padding. So I pretty much owned him, and I am told I was really aggressive. (To make up for my otherwise normally passive state.)

I actually thought I was NOT BAD.
-

Then come to Wednesday, the 2nd time I had a sparring match.

I fought against another friend of mine. And he was alot more aggressive and powerful than my previous day opponent.

To cut it short, I pretty much got owned. It was also the first time I got smacked straight in the head so forcefully before. I made me recall how in boxing, a good solid blow to the head could knock someone flat on the mat. I could literally feel my head spin for a split second before snapping back to reality.

And worst of all, by the 1m30sec mark, I could not breath well. I could not even hold up my posture. I felt like my body was about to give way. I cannot be sure why...perhaps it was the blow to the head so early in the match, or perhaps it was the diarrhoea I had in in the morning (the fight was near 2pm), or perhaps I was exerting too much.

My partner was merciful to me. He stopped attacking when he saw I was breathless. He waited for me to recover before striking again. He constantly asked during the fight if I was alright (something was definitely wrong with me).

I got trashed. It did not matter how aggressive I was; My whole body felt weak.

More importantly it left in me another feeling. A much deeper one, not ending with my body. I was not sure what this feeling was but I was quite silent for the rest of the lesson.
-

Thursday, I woke and I recalled the fight. Recalled that feeling I had after the match.

Suddenly, I realised what it was. It was the feeling of humility in defeat. It was also the feeling of respect for the person who had bested me. I could not understand why I should have felt that way over a simple and otherwise meaningless duel.

But the fact remains, like I said. I felt it. And I could only obey that feeling.

I could only comply that I am indeed weak.
-

It made me wonder.

What could defeat mean to a man, that it could have such a profound impact?
-

Had I not been beaten, I would probably have thought myself an even better fighter than before.

In this way, defeat can be a good thing for the soul of a man.

Sunshine

2009-06-30T02:37:00.005+08:00

I am already 20.

Going to 21 soon. (hint hint people, hehe!)

I was thinking to myself: should I really still be typing out such "emo" and weepy entries and publishing it as and when I feel down?

I am already passed by teens, that kind of thing, to me has always been what punk ass teens do. And yet actually, I am no better then that.

No doubt age is a number that should not define me, I still cannot help but feel I ought to "grow up".

I guess its inevitable for someone like me who puts much importance on my emotions, but its unbalanced. I often just write rather dark entries, and it is all leaning to one side. Its all really quite dreary and I can feel it.

This place needs a little more sunshine hmm.

And lastly.

Don't forget my birthday!

XD

To find...Longing and Loneliness

2009-06-27T19:06:00.003+08:00

To find joy in
Longing and Loneliness.
-

I once stated before a fact, though I do not think many of my friends know, that I enjoy the bits of sorrow in life that come and go.

It is odd in a way, how it does feel rather "emo" and depressing, and yet, I feel a certain belonging to it. I cannot describe it; it is rather like a love-hate relationship.

I sometimes wish I could be rid of it and perhaps feel more numb for sometimes, emotions can be so overwhelming. At the same time, I feel like I could barely want it to leave me for it is this intensity that gives life.

In the mean time, I try to suppress these emotions. They just do not help now and in fact they kind of hurt.

To be a hallowed shell. It is such a sin of wasting what is given to me, but I can barely stand it now.

Phantom

2009-06-07T17:39:00.002+08:00

Like a haunting spirit, these blasted thoughts of relationships.

Its ticking me off.

Surging...Emptiness

2009-05-31T20:10:00.002+08:00

Surging emotions, poured into a jar of emptiness.

Where do these feelings start and where do they end?

-

I am brought on a journey, and abruptly, I am dropped off.

No where near the supposed destination, I wander in confusion.

The path seems familiar but I can't find my way.

I try to walk, but as I do, I cannot feel myself moving.

I try to run, and I fall to the floor.

"What now?", I think to myself...

I pick myself up, and I just have to keep walking.

Till I get back to where I left off.

-

Departure

2009-04-20T20:26:00.003+08:00

Conscript W X GOH is departing for Thailand, on the night of 230408, 2145hrs*.

- Sayok, Kachanaburi province, some 170 kiolometres west of Bangkok, Thailand. -

He will be participating in Exercise: Crescendo for 3 weeks and will be returning from Thailand to Singapore on the morning of 170508, 0115hrs* .

* (time information only accurate in accordance to the memory of author)

The temperature will be estimated at 40-45 degrees Celcius.

-

Hello all. As the statement above goes, I am going to Thailand for 3 weeks.

It will be very, very hot.

And I can feel myself missing home already.

Hope everything will be fine over there, and that I'll be too occupied to think of all the people and places in Singapore!

To all those who believe in God or similar, do pray for the safety of all the soldiers.

-

Till next we meet =)

Aftertaste

2009-03-29T09:16:00.003+08:00

There was a certain girl in my life.

She was

Complex.

Dark.

Emotional.

Pessimistic.

Mysterious.

Poetic.

Artistic.

Cold.

Playful.

Always a Tease.

Full of Fear.

Composed and controlled.
& yet
Full of Strife.

Fiercely Independent

Obstinately opinionated.

Uncaring of her Lover.

A Catholic
who embraced
sorrow,
and invited
death.

one who kept me captive in my own prison,
whom i threw the key away for.

one who made me apprehend to utter the word,
"LOVE".

-

I have moved on, and yet I have not.

She lingers, but only in my mind.

-

It leaves a bad taste.

And it persists after.

But Somehow...

It cannot be washed off.

And yet it does not seem so bad then.

-

Pass me the Listerine, Extra Strong.

Not-so-sweet dreams.

2009-03-22T19:13:00.003+08:00

It seems that every night I spend at home is the saddest night of the week.

When sweet dreams are dreamt, I find myself waking only to bitterness and sorrow.

I would lie awake feeling cheated and anguished and yet confused as to why.

Its really an irony the way this works.

Deprived

2009-02-22T19:35:00.002+08:00

I'm beginning to feel extremely deprived.

Of what?

Of having a proper lifestyle.

I spend my weekdays in the army.

And every weekend I go home with nothing much to look forward to, usually with no plans whatsoever.

Then I book into my army camp again on Sunday.

I should do something about this...

Hopefully I'm not too lazy to bother...

Man of extinction

2009-02-17T00:19:00.002+08:00

What does it mean to be a man in this day and age?

Sometimes I ponder upon this and really it feels like us men are no longer what we used to be.

Is chivalry truly dead in this world? (As goes the same for old feminine ways.)

Perhaps there are still remnants of these lingering, but woefully so.

That which binds and yet strengthens.

2009-02-15T19:12:00.003+08:00

I have chains that are restraining me. These chains are what hold me back.

But at the same time, they give me strength. Strength that would otherwise be missing in my life.

Do you know what chains these are?

The Sky

2009-01-04T00:19:00.002+08:00

I never knew the beauty of the sky, till I suffered under it.

For some strange reason the sky always looks so beautiful when I am in camp.

Year Long Reflection

2009-01-03T23:54:00.001+08:00

Hello all.

Looking back at this year, I really don't know where to start.

So much happened!!! Now I know in a year many things can change but 2008 has really been a year of many significant things for me.

I'll list down the major happenings (that i can remember) in chronological order.

graduating from poly.

going on a pilgrimage to the holy land, Isreal.

being the Quiet Time head for june YISS, My Glorious

being a Facil for june YISS, My Glorious

working with my admin job for 2.5 months and journeying along the way

The major ups and downs before i enlisted

Enlisting into the army!!!

Suffering and enjoying the army

Changing from a boy to a man

Serving for dec YISS, Liberation

I really feel like I've been on a huge journey for 2008.

Just a year ago, I could not even imagine myself praying over others and being able to feel God in such an intimate and real way. I was so full of doubt over myself.

I guess it really shows, the trials that God place for us change and strengthen us. I feel like the Lord has shaped me to be someone closer to what he had intended me to be. Thinking back i really cannot ask for more. Despite all the sufferings and heartaches that 2008 has put me through...I now understand why I've been put through it all.

I'm not sure what to share in particular for the year, but I'll recap are the major lessons I've learnt. MAYBE it might prove useful to whoever is reading.

Relationships are not simply just for one's own satisfaction and enjoyment, but for the betterment and positive growth of both parties as well as the community they are in. If the time is not right, accept the terms and move on.

JOB 1:21!!!

Trials can be fearsome and terrible. But with every one that is overcome, a new strength is assured. e.i.: The Army...lol.

The will of the Lord is unfathomable to us. In times of despair and hopelessness, always remember that he has great plans. During my time in Israel, I felt lost and disillusioned. I wanted to be back home preparing for YISS and attending the spiritual prep before YISS. Not only that, I had also missed my graduation ceremony due to the pilgrimage. But after it was over, I realised that the time in Israel really thought me invaluable lessons I could never have gotten no matter how long i stayed in Singapore preparing for YISS.

Truth to oneself is more important than simple happiness. There was a time before i enlisted where I felt suffocated by what I felt i had to be in Amplify. It became a chore for me each week to do my duties as I felt i was simply not being myself.

Its odd in a way but I feel like I am finally LIVING the life I am supposed to live. No doubt I am still searching for who I am and what I am called to do, but it's like I know I am going the right path. A path worth going through the struggles for.

To another year, in faith

-Vic

SISPEC

2008-12-21T21:15:00.004+08:00

Im done with my recruit phase in Tekong.

Onwards in my journey through NS - becoming a sergeant.

I've been posted to SISPEC and I have to report tommorrow morning 8am at Pasir Laba.

I live in Pasir Ris. Do you have any idea how far that is? It's REALLY far. Like one side of the island to the other.

Just hope I don't get posted into a super shiong company...PLEASE!

And even more importantly, that my buddy will not be a hopeless fella.

So far I've been lucky...lets see how it goes.

I miss all my friends. Onwards to no life baby.

2008-12-21T21:14:00.002+08:00

The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord

2008-10-26T20:22:00.002+08:00

Hi all.

I'm doing fine in the army. Just a few more weeks to go.

I pass out of my BMT phase on the 9th of Dec.

The only thing thats rather bothersome for me now is that loneliness settles in now and then.

Being in the army really limits the time I spend with my friends, and I also feel cut off from civilisation (literally man...).

Gotta get through this...

Next phase in life

2008-09-11T19:22:00.002+08:00

This is it everyone.

I am finally going in to the army.

Pray for me, for I know it will be a tough ride ahead.

I ask that I have the strength to remain faithful, to love God and my fellow man.

Dear Lord, of all the gifts You have given me, I thank You most of all for my conscience, for giving me an acute understanding of morality in mine and other peoples actions.

Dear Lord, help me to overcome the feelings of disdain for my conscience due to the responsibility it brings to me. Help me to know that regardless of what happens, I should not desire the temptation of sin. Though I may be tempted, let me not desire for it.

Dear Lord,

The path ahead looks gloomy and difficult. Already, even before my enlistment, I have been dealt a heavy blow. But Lord, I want to remain steadfast in Your love. Help me to overcome my feelings of anger, of wrath, of destruction. Help me to overcome my feelings of hatred. What you have gifted unto me oh Lord, I should be ready to part with, for it was not mine but Yours.

Help me to let go...open mine eyes to Your will.

Help me to FORGIVE.

In this I pray to you Lord, Amen
-

Reset

2008-09-06T02:05:00.002+08:00

It's time to hit the reset button.

Start over and not obey the expected.

No compromising and no fooling myself.

It's time to be completely honest.

Ignore all feelings of supposed cognition.

No assuming and no coddling about.

Dust If You Must

2008-08-21T20:41:00.001+08:00

Dust If You Must
Author Unknown

Dust if you must, but wouldn't it be better
To paint a picture, or write a letter,
Bake a cake, or plant a seed;
Ponder the difference between want and need?

Dust if you must, but there's not much time,
With rivers to swim, and mountains to climb;
Music to hear, and books to read;
Friends to cherish, and life to lead.

Dust if you must, but the world's out there
With the sun in your eyes, and the wind in your hair;
A flutter of snow, a shower of rain,
This day will not come around again.

Dust if you must, but bear in mind,
Old age will come and it's not kind.
And when you go (and go you must)
You, yourself, will make more dust.

Persona

2008-08-21T18:15:00.002+08:00

What is a persona?

In latin, 'persona' literally translates as 'mask'.

In english, it is what defines a persons character; his personality.

In psychology, it is a representation that one adopts in presenting oneself to others, viable to change according to situation.

-

Love is - Part 2

2008-08-02T01:46:00.002+08:00

Love is, enjoying your presence.

Love is - Part 1

2008-07-20T23:49:00.006+08:00

Love is, your gentle embrace.
-

Dear God.

2008-07-12T02:19:00.004+08:00

Dear God, let my actions be directed by You. Let me be an intrument of Your love and grace.

Remind me what is real love and what is fleeting attraction. Never let me confuse the two.

Show me how to love others as You have loved me.

Help me remember that it is Your love I should seek.

Make me genuine. Make me loving. Make me wise.

Let me not be a fool to my emotions, instead, for my mind to be clear as the morning sun.

Let not the darkness of the night influence me, and keep my thoughts far from sorrow.

For everything not within my control, give me the wisdom to trust in You.

For anything my mind is muddled with, give me the clarity to discern.

For every hardship faced, give me the strength to endure.

Lord I ask these things of You for I know You are a God of greatness. In Your power and might all things are possible.

I humbly seek you for I know I am weak and foolish. Help me your servant to overcome my failings with Your Spirit.

Guide me through and show me the right path.

This I pray to You, Lord God Almighty.

Amen.

The Developed Phobia

2008-07-06T02:07:00.001+08:00

What matters to me now is not whom I may have feelings for.

What matters to me now is that I am fearful of having such feelings.

I am afraid of loving, of showing my affections to others. I fear for what may happen and I fear for what I may lose.

And most of all, I fear my love is distorted, that it is only superficial.

-

It truly is odd, how I crave for love even though I do not dare to love.

It truly is odd, how I ask for love when I know God already loves me dearly. How I ask for having somebody in my life when I ought to know that loving God should be enough.

Sometimes I just feel like I ought to be celibate. Without a partner in my life, just serving God till the end of my days. But I know I am simply running away from my fear.

And that changes everything.

Scream

2008-06-03T03:33:00.004+08:00

It is screaming, but it is silent.

Back

2008-06-03T02:51:00.002+08:00

Hi all, I'm back.

The trip was good and bad. But i dont feel like typing the whole thing out. Its really good...and bad.

In some ways I regret going actually.

I actually feel spiritually weaker then before I left.

I dunno what to say, and not just literally. In my heart, I feel an incapablity to express and to dig deeper into my depths. Ive felt like this since coming back back. It just feels like the past 2 weeks have made me...distant. To myself even.

I can barely hear my heart speak to me. Suddenly I realise. It was always God that spoke to me through my heart. It feels like i have a wall around me, like I just dont want to hear.

I feel like running away, and at the same time I feel like rushing forward very fast.

I feel numb and at the same time I feel aware.

I feel confused and at the same time I am sure of my duties.

I need to get back to how I was.

Jordan

2008-05-17T12:35:00.002+08:00

Hi all, currently using a computer in the hotel im staying in Jordan.

Update you guys moe next time. Lack of time.

Bye!

T3 Departure

2008-05-16T01:34:00.000+08:00

Hey all, I'm in the departure place now. T3's departure area is FANTASTIC. I will upload the pics when i get home. Some areas are really like nice.

Hopefully I'll have access to the internet in Israel.

Stay tuned for more updates! (Hopefully!)

I'm leaving on a jet plane

2008-05-15T21:35:00.001+08:00

I will be gone from 16th May to 1st June.

Israel.

Pilgrimage.

I will miss all my dear friends.

Take care of yourselves.

I will keep you in my heart.

Till we next meet.

-Vic

The Happy Prince

2008-05-09T15:05:00.004+08:00

This entry, is an old fairytale I read as a young child.

A fairytale I had since forgotten.

Today, by fate, I am once again brought to it.

It is a truly lovely story and I implore you my friend, to read and enjoy it.
-

The Happy Prince
by Oscar Wilde

HIGH above the city, on a tall column, stood the statue of the Happy Prince. He was gilded all over with thin leaves of fine gold, for eyes he had two bright sapphires, and a large red ruby glowed on his sword-hilt.

He was very much admired indeed. ‘He is as beautiful as a weathercock,’ remarked one of the Town Councillors who wished to gain a reputation for having artistic tastes; ‘only not quite so useful,’ he added, fearing lest people should think him unpractical, which he really was not.

‘Why can’t you be like the Happy Prince?’ asked a sensible mother of her little boy who was crying for the moon. ‘The Happy Prince never dreams of crying for anything.’

‘I am glad there is some one in the world who is quite happy,’ muttered a disappointed man as he gazed at the wonderful statue.

‘He looks just like an angel,’ said the Charity Children as they came out of the cathedral in their bright scarlet cloaks, and their clean white pinafores.

‘How do you know?’ said the Mathematical Master, ‘you have never seen one.’

‘Ah! but we have, in our dreams,’ answered the children; and the Mathematical Master frowned and looked very severe, for he did not approve of children dreaming.

One night there flew over the city a little Swallow. His friends had gone away to Egypt six weeks before, but he had stayed behind, for he was in love with the most beautiful Reed. He had met her early in the spring as he was flying down the river after a big yellow moth, and had been so attracted by her slender waist that he had stopped to talk to her.

‘Shall I love you?’ said the Swallow, who liked to come to the point at once, and the Reed made him a low bow. So he flew round and round her, touching the water with his wings, and making silver ripples. This was his courtship, and it lasted all through the summer.

‘It is a ridiculous attachment,’ twittered the other Swallows, ‘she has no money, and far too many relations;’ and indeed the river was quite full of Reeds. Then, when the autumn came, they all flew away.

After they had gone he felt lonely, and began to tire of his lady-love. ‘She has no conversation,’ he said, ‘and I am afraid that she is a coquette, for she is always flirting with the wind.’ And certainly, whenever the wind blew, the Reed made the most graceful curtsies. ‘I admit that she is domestic,’ he continued, ‘but I love travelling, and my wife, consequently, should love travelling also.’

‘Will you come away with me?’ he said finally to her; but the Reed shook her head, she was so attached to her home.

‘You have been trifling with me,’ he cried, ‘I am off to the Pyramids. Good-bye!’ and he flew away.

All day long he flew, and at night-time he arrived at the city. ‘Where shall I put up?’ he said; ‘I hope the town has made preparations.’

Then he saw the statue on the tall column. ‘I will put up there,’ he cried; ‘it is a fine position with plenty of fresh air.’ So he alighted just between the feet of the Happy Prince.

‘I have a golden bedroom,’ he said softly to himself as he looked round, and he prepared to go to sleep; but just as he was putting his head under his wing a large drop of water fell on him. ‘What a curious thing!’ he cried, ‘there is not a single cloud in the sky, the stars are quite clear and bright, and yet it is raining. The climate in the north of Europe is really dreadful. The Reed used to like the rain, but that was merely her selfishness.’

Then another drop fell.

‘What is the use of a statue if it cannot keep the rain off?’ he said; ‘I must look for a good chimney-pot,’ and he determined to fly away.

But before he had opened his wings, a third drop fell, and he looked up, and saw - Ah! what did he see?

The eyes of the Happy Prince were filled with tears, and tears were running down his golden cheeks. His face was so beautiful in the moonlight that the little Swallow was filled with pity.
‘Who are you?’ he said.

‘I am the Happy Prince.’

‘Why are you weeping then?’ asked the Swallow; ‘you have quite drenched me.’

‘When I was alive and had a human heart,’ answered the statue, ‘I did not know what tears were, for I lived in the palace of Sans-Souci, where sorrow is not allowed to enter. In the daytime I played with my companions in the garden, and in the evening I led the dance in the Great Hall. Round the garden ran a very lofty wall, but I never cared to ask what lay beyond it, everything about me was so beautiful. My courtiers called me the Happy Prince, and happy indeed I was, if pleasure be happiness. So I lived, and so I died. And now that I am dead they have set me up here so high that I can see all the ugliness and all the misery of my city, and though my heart is made of lead yet I cannot choose but weep.’

‘What, is he not solid gold?’ said the Swallow to himself. He was too polite to make any personal remarks out loud.

‘Far away,’ continued the statue in a low musical voice, ‘far away in a little street there is a poor house. One of the windows is open, and through it I can see a woman seated at a table. Her face is thin and worn, and she has coarse, red hands, all pricked by the needle, for she is a seamstress. She is embroidering passion-flowers on a satin gown for the loveliest of the Queen’s maids-of-honour to wear at the next Court-ball. In a bed in the corner of the room her little boy is lying ill. He has a fever, and is asking for oranges. His mother has nothing to give him but river water, so he is crying. Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow, will you not bring her the ruby out of my sword-hilt? My feet are fastened to this pedestal and I cannot move.’

‘I am waited for in Egypt,’ said the Swallow. ‘My friends are flying up and down the Nile, and talking to the large lotus-flowers. Soon they will go to sleep in the tomb of the great King. The King is there himself in his painted coffin. He is wrapped in yellow linen, and embalmed with spices. Round his neck is a chain of pale green jade, and his hands are like withered leaves.’
‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me for one night, and be my messenger? The boy is so thirsty, and the mother so sad.’

‘I don’t think I like boys,’ answered the Swallow. ‘Last summer, when I was staying on the river, there were two rude boys, the miller’s sons, who were always throwing stones at me. They never hit me, of course; we swallows fly far too well for that, and besides, I come of a family famous for its agility; but still, it was a mark of disrespect.’

But the Happy Prince looked so sad that the little Swallow was sorry. ‘It is very cold here,’ he said; ‘but I will stay with you for one night, and be your messenger.’

‘Thank you, little Swallow,’ said the Prince.

So the Swallow picked out the great ruby from the Prince’s sword, and flew away with it in his beak over the roofs of the town.

He passed by the cathedral tower, where the white marble angels were sculptured. He passed by the palace and heard the sound of dancing. A beautiful girl came out on the balcony with her lover. ‘How wonderful the stars are,’ he said to her, and how wonderful is the power of love!’

‘I hope my dress will be ready in time for the State-ball,’ she answered; ‘I have ordered passion-flowers to be embroidered on it; but the seamstresses are so lazy.’

He passed over the river, and saw the lanterns hanging to the masts of the ships. He passed over the Ghetto, and saw the old jews bargaining with each other, and weighing out money in copper scales. At last he came to the poor house and looked in. The boy was tossing feverishly on his bed, and the mother had fallen asleep, she was so tired. In he hopped, and laid the great ruby on the table beside the woman’s thimble. Then he flew gently round the bed, fanning the boy’s forehead with his wings. ‘How cool I feel,’ said the boy, ‘I must be getting better;’ and he sank into a delicious slumber.

Then the Swallow flew back to the Happy Prince, and told him what he had done. ‘It is curious,’ he remarked, ‘but I feel quite warm now, although it is so cold.’

‘That is because you have done a good action,’ said the Prince. And the little Swallow began to think, and then he fell asleep. Thinking always made him sleepy.

When day broke he flew down to the river and had a bath. ‘What a remarkable phenomenon,’ said the Professor of Ornithology as he was passing over the bridge. ‘A swallow in winter!’ And he wrote a long letter about it to the local newspaper. Every one quoted it, it was full of so many words that they could not understand.

‘To-night I go to Egypt,’ said the Swallow, and he was in high spirits at the prospect. He visited all the public monuments, and sat a long time on top of the church steeple. Wherever he went the Sparrows chirruped, and said to each other, ‘What a distinguished stranger!’ so he enjoyed himself very much.

When the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince. ‘Have you any commissions for Egypt?’ he cried; ‘I am just starting.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me one night longer?’

‘I am waited for in Egypt,’ answered the Swallow. ‘To-morrow my friends will fly up to the Second Cataract. The river-horse couches there among the bulrushes, and on a great granite throne sits the God Memnon. All night long he watches the stars, and when the morning star shines he utters one cry of joy, and then he is silent. At noon the yellow lions come down to the water’s edge to drink. They have eyes like green beryls, and their roar is louder than the roar of the cataract.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the prince, ‘far away across the city I see a young man in a garret. He is leaning over a desk covered with papers, and in a tumbler by his side there is a bunch of withered violets. His hair is brown and crisp, and his lips are red as a pomegranate, and he has large and dreamy eyes. He is trying to finish a play for the Director of the Theatre, but he is too cold to write any more. There is no fire in the grate, and hunger has made him faint.’

‘I will wait with you one night longer,’ said the Swallow, who really had a good heart. ‘Shall I take him another ruby?’

‘Alas! I have no ruby now,’ said the Prince; ‘my eyes are all that I have left. They are made of rare sapphires, which were brought out of India a thousand years ago. Pluck out one of them and take it to him. He will sell it to the jeweller, and buy food and firewood, and finish his play.’

‘Dear Prince,’ said the Swallow, ‘I cannot do that;’ and he began to weep.

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘do as I command you.’

So the Swallow plucked out the Prince’s eye, and flew away to the student’s garret. It was easy enough to get in, as there was a hole in the roof. Through this he darted, and came into the room. The young man had his head buried in his hands, so he did not hear the flutter of the bird’s wings, and when he looked up he found the beautiful sapphire lying on the withered violets.

‘I am beginning to be appreciated,’ he cried; ‘this is from some great admirer. Now I can finish my play,’ and he looked quite happy.

The next day the Swallow flew down to the harbour. He sat on the mast of a large vessel and watched the sailors hauling big chests out of the hold with ropes. ‘Heave a-hoy!’ they shouted as each chest came up. ‘I am going to Egypt!’ cried the Swallow, but nobody minded, and when the moon rose he flew back to the Happy Prince.

‘I am come to bid you good-bye,’ he cried.

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘will you not stay with me one night longer?’

‘It is winter,’ answered the Swallow, ‘and the chill snow will soon be here. In Egypt the sun is warm on the green palm-trees, and the crocodiles lie in the mud and look lazily about them. My companions are building a nest in the Temple of Baalbec, and the pink and white doves are watching them, and cooing to each other. Dear Prince, I must leave you, but I will never forget you, and next spring I will bring you back two beautiful jewels in place of those you have given away. The ruby shall be redder than a red rose, and the sapphire shall be as blue as the great sea.’

‘In the square below,’ said the Happy Prince, ‘there stands a little match-girl. She has let her matches fall in the gutter, and they are all spoiled. Her father will beat her if she does not bring home some money, and she is crying. She has no shoes or stockings, and her little head is bare. Pluck out my other eye, and give it to her, and her father will not beat her.’

‘I will stay with you one night longer,’ said the Swallow, ‘but I cannot pluck out your eye. You would be quite blind then.’

‘Swallow, Swallow, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘do as I command you.’

So he plucked out the Prince’s other eye, and darted down with it. He swooped past the match-girl, and slipped the jewel into the palm of her hand. ‘What a lovely bit of glass,’ cried the little girl; and she ran home, laughing.

Then the Swallow came back to the Prince. ‘You are blind now,’ he said, ‘so I will stay with you always.’

‘No, little Swallow,’ said the poor Prince, ‘you must go away to Egypt.’

‘I will stay with you always,’ said the Swallow, and he slept at the Prince’s feet.

All the next day he sat on the Prince’s shoulder, and told him stories of what he had seen in strange lands. He told him of the red ibises, who stand in long rows on the banks of the Nile, and catch gold fish in their beaks; of the Sphinx, who is as old as the world itself and lives in the desert, and knows everything; of the merchants, who walk slowly by the side of their camels, and carry amber beads in their hands; of the King of the Mountains of the Moon, who is as black as ebony, and worships a large crystal; of the great green snake that sleeps in a palm-tree, and has twenty priests to feed it with honey-cakes; and of the pygmies who sail over a big lake on large flat leaves, and are always at war with the butterflies.

‘Dear little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you tell me of marvellous things, but more marvellous than anything is the suffering of men and of women. There is no Mystery so great as Misery. Fly over my city, little Swallow, and tell me what you see there.’

So the Swallow flew over the great city, and saw the rich making merry in their beautiful houses, while the beggars were sitting at the gates. He flew into dark lanes, and saw the white faces of starving children looking out listlessly at the black streets. Under the archway of a bridge two little boys were lying in one another’s arms to try and keep themselves warm. ‘How hungry we are!’ they said. ‘You must not lie here,’ shouted the Watchman, and they wandered out into the rain.

Then he flew back and told the Prince what he had seen.

‘I am covered with fine gold,’ said the Prince, ‘you must take it off, leaf by leaf, and give it to my poor; the living always think that gold can make them happy.’

Leaf after leaf of the fine gold the Swallow picked off, till the Happy Prince looked quite dull and grey. Leaf after leaf of the fine gold he brought to the poor, and the children’s faces grew rosier, and they laughed and played games in the street. ‘We have bread now!’ they cried.

Then the snow came, and after the snow came the frost. The streets looked as if they were made of silver, they were so bright and glistening; long icicles like crystal daggers hung down from the eaves of the houses, everybody went about in furs, and the little boys wore scarlet caps and skated on the ice.

The poor little Swallow grew colder and colder, but he would not leave the Prince, he loved him too well. He picked up crumbs outside the baker’s door where the baker was not looking, and tried to keep himself warm by flapping his wings.

But at last he knew that he was going to die. He had just strength to fly up to the Prince’s shoulder once more. ‘Good-bye, dear Prince!’ he murmured, ‘will you let me kiss your hand?’

‘I am glad that you are going to Egypt at last, little Swallow,’ said the Prince, ‘you have stayed too long here; but you must kiss me on the lips, for I love you.’

‘It is not to Egypt that I am going,’ said the Swallow. ‘I am going to the House of Death. Death is the brother of Sleep, is he not?’

And he kissed the Happy Prince on the lips, and fell down dead at his feet.

At that moment a curious crack sounded inside the statue, as if something had broken. The fact is that the leaden heart had snapped right in two. It certainly was a dreadfully hard frost. Early the next morning the Mayor was walking in the square below in company with the Town Councillors. As they passed the column he looked up at the statue: ‘Dear me! how shabby the Happy Prince looks!’ he said.

‘How shabby indeed!’ cried the Town Councillors, who always agreed with the Mayor, and they went up to look at it.

‘The ruby has fallen out of his sword, his eyes are gone, and he is golden no longer,’ said the Mayor; ‘in fact, he is little better than a beggar!’

‘Little better than a beggar’ said the Town councillors.

‘And here is actually a dead bird at his feet!’ continued the Mayor. ‘We must really issue a proclamation that birds are not to be allowed to die here.’ And the Town Clerk made a note of the suggestion.

So they pulled down the statue of the Happy Prince. ‘As he is no longer beautiful he is no longer useful,’ said the Art Professor at the University.

Then they melted the statue in a furnace, and the Mayor held a meeting of the Corporation to decide what was to be done with the metal. ‘We must have another statue, of course,’ he said, ‘and it shall be a statue of myself.’

‘Of myself,’ said each of the Town Councillors, and they quarrelled. When I last heard of them they were quarrelling still.

‘What a strange thing!’ said the overseer of the workmen at the foundry. ‘This broken lead heart will not melt in the furnace. We must throw it away.’ So they threw it on a dust-heap where the dead Swallow was also lying.

‘Bring me the two most precious things in the city,’ said God to one of His Angels; and the Angel brought Him the leaden heart and the dead bird.

‘You have rightly chosen,’ said God, ‘for in my garden of Paradise this little bird shall sing for evermore, and in my city of gold the Happy Prince shall praise me.’
-

In the past, this story would make me feel so sad for the Swallow and the Prince.

And today, reading it once again, I almost feel teary eyed.

Speed Racer

2008-05-08T16:46:00.002+08:00

I really enjoyed this movie.

Not only for the fact that I am a long time fan of the 1960's cartoon of the same name, but also because of the unique cinematography of this movie.

The shots of the characters as they hold their dialogues and the special super surreal graphics make the movie feel somehow cartoonish but yet so refreshing and capturing.

It's really amusing, and the way the story is told, the portrayal of each individual character has so much substance in each of them, even the seemingly minor characters are believably portrayed and not just chucked into the movie as brainless characters that have no personality.

All fans of the cartoon have GOT to watch this movie.

Anyone young at heart will definitely enjoy this as well. Just don't be too critical of the occasional kiddish side of this movie, and it'll be a blast!

Go Speed!!!

Where do I stand

2008-05-07T01:07:00.002+08:00

Its a lonesome night.

I got to realise today, 2 people im working with on something, both probably have a potential someone in their life.

No big deal right?

I feel glad.

And at the same time,

I feel lonely.

Where do I stand?

Can anyone tell me?

In this life of mine.

Is there anyone out there...

I'm getting tired of feeling this way.

A small table, two chairs, sweet tea in between

2008-04-24T23:59:00.001+08:00

A small table, two chairs, sweet tea in between.

This short sentence may seem simple.

But in it bears the memories of a past once had.

The memory of me and my friend from secondary school, Fukun, having tea together in his house.

With a small round folding wooden table and two accompanying chairs.

That was years ago. I can't even remember exactly when, but im pretty sure it was 4 years back in 2004, when we were sec 4.

It was then during that very day we had tea that i thought of the sentence.

And now, years after, it is still with me.

But I wonder...what of the Fukun and me now?

How much have things changed since then...?

Aspirations

2008-04-24T19:10:00.003+08:00

As I am now done with school and currently waiting for my enlistment letter, I have been hearing many of my friends discussing with me their plans for the future.

But each time that happens, I find myself rather uninterested and disconnected with their ideas and plans for themselves.

Is getting a Degree in a well known university and getting a high paying job all there is to life after school?

What has happened to youthful aspirations and goals and dreams? Or is it that, perhaps living comfortably with money is all that is really important?

Living comfortably is, of course, of prime importance in each living organisms life, but as humans, we are able to transcend this basic instinct of comfortability.

I can only say for sure that, people need more in their lives then just physical things.

I am quite sure my friends will be aware of this later in their lives...

I just sorta wish that they would realise sooner.

Bummer

2008-04-06T16:01:00.002+08:00

With my school life officially over (for now), I officially title myself as:

-
A Professional Bummer
-

For any extra company needed for parties, outings, or my specialty, BUMMING ABOUT, feel free to contact me.

Slacking times are, 12 to 12, daily, except for fridays 5pm onwards and sundays.*

*Availability depends on first come first serve basis, as well as number of days spent out in a row. :)

Free from Imprisonment!

2008-04-02T00:17:00.004+08:00

Now... I myself have never been to prison, but let me tell you my dear readers... I FEEL LIKE I'VE JUST FINISHED SERVING MY TIME!

Though definitely my ordeal in Temasek Polytechnic Design School cannot be compared to what prison must be like, I still feel like I have regained the freedom I had not felt in so long.

Not just remembering the hard and bitter times, I also remember the joyful and happy times, where coursemates would laugh together and have jolly fun. And not forgetting the many many things I've learnt in design school, the majority of which have nothing to do with Design itself.

However, if I DO remember these jolly times, then why do i still feel a sense of relief that I am now finally out of this torture?

I tell you, my dear readers, it is because of the way the School is lead so, and by how the Lecturers are teaching so, and how it is no longer about the students welfare. It has become the opposite of caring for the students.

All that the school seems to care about is merely about the REPUTATION of the school and not the students. Like a Diploma Show that only lets 'presentable' students work be showcased. It's not for the students sake...its just for the school.

Then there are those who teach.

There is favoritism, biasness, and unequal treatment. But to me, these are forgivable, because it is everywhere in this world and it is inevitable in encountering such things. What really disappoints me is when our mentors merely see it their own way. They have become deluded in their own personal idea of design, not having the thought of what an idea or concept could be, but merely of... 'this is GOOD, and this is BAD, because i said so'.

I am just scratching the surface of the iceburg in the ocean, but I am quite sure many fellow students would agree with me. This is just my rant.

Just so you know (whoever is reading), all that bullshit to try and convince the students hasn't changed anyones opinion at all. Only made things look worse. Ironic really.

Oh... IM FREE! HAHA!

A Mystery which no longer allures

2008-03-18T11:20:00.002+08:00

She's a mystery which is not worth solving

You may be dissapointed at unravelling it

A Fool's Wisdom

2008-02-04T01:43:00.000+08:00

wis·dom

the quality or state of being wise; knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action; sagacity, discernment, or insight.

Ah wisdom, the much sought after treasure of my existance.

For those who do not know, wisdom was something i believed to have, years back in secondary school, and was something i thought was lost to me in my poly years.

In my poly years, it was quite a torturous and fustratingly angst i would hold against myself. I would think to myself, "Dammit, whats happened to me? I dont even think anymore". But then of course, i got used to that fact and it became a part of me.

Perhaps some of my old friends would remember me using this phrase.

"A greying of the mind."

A time when thoughts suddenly dont flow, and one is nothing but pretty much a bag of meat with primitive needs and wants.

I had perceived this to be akin to...losing my 'wisdom'. Because, in my secondary school days (which was when i had an immense amount of free time), i used spend my time thinking and thinking and thinking. And through this, i did gain alot more insight into things than most of my other school-mates.

However, the fall began when I started to put myself on a pedestal in between the transition from my sec school to polytechnic school.

And by doing so, my descent of the mind came swiftly upon me.

Since june last year, during the Youth in the Spirit Seminar i attended, i looked back deeply into my past. It was then that i recalled how i looked upon my so called wisdom, as well as my 'greying of the mind', which by then, i had already accepted as part of my life.

Honestly, i still believe that what i had in the past, was indeed a form of wisdom (at least for my age at the time). But as i have been given, so can it be taken away.

It was on the 3rd of Feb, Sunday 2008 that i read this phrase from William Shakespeare.

"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
- William Shakespeare

I was taken aback as i read this.

How true his words resounded in my head.

So, lets ask ourselves. Is our wisdom a false and indulgent one? Or is it a true and virtuous one?

God help me

2008-01-19T02:21:00.000+08:00

to love those whom i hate.

18th YISS

2007-12-05T23:20:00.001+08:00

Tomorrow, i am going to the Youth In The Spirit Seminar. Again.

For those of you who remember, which i shall count as none, i went for the 17th YISS on June.

It was life changing for me.

Now im going through it again, but no longer as a participant. I am part of the service team for the camp this time around.

I wonder if it will be another life changing experience.

It's a 4 day camp, so i won't be home till Sunday night. And i'll probably be too tired to go online then.

If anyone of you out there still reads my blog, tell me k.

Or i might consider halting the posts. This blog isnt for me. Its for my friends who dont talk much to me yeah. So if you out there, just leave me a post.

Please.

Till the next distance update, whoever is there =)

Exhalt and be humbled

2007-11-24T01:32:00.000+08:00

For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted.
Luke 14:11

-

A man's pride will bring him low, But a humble spirit will obtain honor.
Proverbs 29:23
-
Whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.
Matthew 23:12
-

Don't show off for your own satisfaction.

Just one sentence

2007-10-07T02:11:00.000+08:00

Anything that is out of my capability to solve, despite my stubborness, I hope that I remember to leave it to God.

The Nights

2007-10-01T00:43:00.000+08:00

It's difficult not to feel lonely at night sometimes, when im the only one awake in the darkness.

It's rare. But it still happens.

Have you ever had that feeling when you are walking in the darkness.

As you gaze up unto the floating orb, glowing in the darkness.

Have you ever wondered.

Which lonely soul yet gazes upon that same moon, distant but yet connected by this otherwordly planetary being.

The thought that goes through my head in such situations is often something like,

'I feel your sorrow, and I share it with you'.

It's not something which I distinctly think. It's just something thats felt without any need for considering.

Or maybe it's just me being abnormal.

Hehe.

Oh yar.

2007-09-26T03:48:00.000+08:00

I remember myself saying i wanted some time away from all my coursemates. Cos im sick of them.

I hope theres nothing wrong with that, after all i think all of us need some time apart.

So i hope to spend some time away from them.

Including dota matches which honestly, i only still play for the sake of brotherhood since its becoming more of a pain rather then fun to play now for some reason.

I just want a break, where i dont have to do anything, and nothing is expected of me, and i dont have to be on time for wadever.

Chalet is still ok.

Gentiles

2007-09-26T03:05:00.000+08:00

Since when was it regarded as wrong or unadvisable to be diligent in ones faith?

Since when has the right and proper way become the one looked down upon?!

Just like Father William said, they will make white as black and black as white, turning the values of this world upside down.

Well right now, i just pity those who look upon faith and religion like this. Dunno what is the problem.

It does not matter WHAT religion, as long as you RESPECT others and thier beliefs.

Against such people i find my tolerance wears thin sometimes, though i know i should have no contempt.

I should pray for them.

1 week

2007-09-22T16:21:00.000+08:00

Well finally PID project 3 is over and done with and thank goodness for that.

Actually, P3 was pretty good for me. Despite my CHINA partner and the constant bodily ailments, looking back, and seeing the final outcome, it was really a good experience.

It really reminded me of FODEV, that year 1 subject. Its fun when looking back. For P1 and P2 however...those are just painful. Terribly painful.

I am glad i survived and completed this project without any regret, unlike some of my previous projects where i feel unsatisfied with the outcome.

I am content.

I also went to Amplify fridays after a 3 week absence. It was held in St. Peter & Paul. The feeling was...different this time. And not because of the venue, but rather I am sure its because of the long absence from the grace of all those peoples company. But it still felt great. Got to meet new people, and more importantly, see the same old faces.

Ill put a picture of my furniture piece (with me inside, unfortunately).

My hair is tied in the picture so please, its doesnt normally look like that =)

I dont have any better quality pictures so...ill show more of other peoples work if i have the pictures in the near future.

Oh yeah, so after my P3 deadline, I now have a pathetic 1 week break. Thankfully theres gonna be a chalet.

Then its back to school again. Damn.

Patience

2007-09-15T02:01:00.000+08:00

Patience is a virtue.

These past weeks, my patience has been put to the test.

Some people think i have no patience.

Some people think i have much patience.

But this much i know, it has been tested multiple times recently.

A friend of mine who has little patience tells me she prays for it every week.

I have been upsetting that patience of hers without fail now and then. Unintentionally of course.

She tells me. I must be the test given to her, and she will try one more time for tolerance.

I tell her i am sure the test cannot be so easy and so short. It is a test after all. It is never easy, and it is never just ONE MORE TIME.

And so the ordeal is the same for me. Constantly my patience has been put to the limit and together with this bout of sickness im experiencing, it is just so hard to go on without losing my ideals and morals.

I have been feeling lost and the feeling of guilt from drifting so far in such a short time is just making me want to forget about everything.

Forget about school. The endless gossip. The senseless conversations. The constant unease.

Everything is just clotting up my brain and somewhere deep inside guilt is lingering and chipping away at my conscience and part of my sanity with it.

I just need...to last awhile longer.

Friday. Sept 14th 2007

2007-09-14T01:29:00.000+08:00

as ever, its been awhile since i updated.

life has been...eventful.

but i find it ever so hard to get the details down.

as long as i experience it and i remember the events that have happened, i feel like i have no need to inform the world of my life and experiences.

this blog no longer has much of any significance to me.

but i will still try to write. TRY.

because my writing skills are going down the drain, and cos i think it helps to put down some thoughts i have. thoughts that linger but dont stay for long you know, till some weeks or months later. and then they are gone again till who knows when.

i am reaching the end of my poly life in a few months time. maybe 4 or 5 months more? it might sound like a long period of time, but anyone who schools knows that it passes by faster then we realise.

frankly i want it to end. its not that i dislike my school. i just dislike the way some things are done. and its not to do with block teaching.

seriously. my course needs more open mindedness. and im not talking about the students.

ive been really slacking from my religious duties as well. ive been away for too long, been letting myself go unchecked. the ways of the world and of the spirit are truly too different.

till next time.

Thought of the day

2007-07-09T23:09:00.000+08:00

I've come to realise.

It is not enough to simply love God and no one else.

Each of us must have that same love for our fellow humans that we have for God and ourselves.

[John 13:34-35]
<34> And now i give you a new commandment: love one another. As i have loved you, so you must love one another.<35> If you have love for one another, then everyone will know that you are my disciples.

I implore those who are interested to read [Matthew 5:43-48]

God, or The world

2007-07-09T00:58:00.000+08:00

Which do you choose.

For those who dont know, i am so called "a new man (19 yr old young man?) in faith" now. After coming back from a church retreat, i feel renewed in my faith. After wandering in question and aimlessness for some years, walking away from the church trying to search my own path in life, yes, now i am back with God. And i am glad. But my journey has just begun. Weeks after the church retreat, i am back into the world as we know it. The harsh and sinful world. I am trying my best to adapt into my new life and to live with faith all the way with every living breath. But i must admit, it is not easy.

For those wondering why i've left this blog so stagnant, i've really lost my mood to blog. Theres nothing really compelling me to really get on with writing in this quiet blog of mine. Lately ive been thinking about stating my thoughts and views of the bible but i am just so lazy. Its not an excuse, definitely not. Its just a terrible fact.

The thoughts of reading the bible are often in my head during those lonely nights i so often have. Those damned 'emo' nights that so many of us know well enough. But the truth is, even though its on my mind, i never pick that bible up. I tried for some nights but i could not keep focus and over the days i just slowly read less...and less.

You know what. I am going to start tmrw. Or rather, this coming night. I will try my best and i know that God will help me and guide me along and keep me focused, as long as i just WANT TO read that bible.

Got to work on loving everyone as well. Loving just God is not enough. Have to love others as i would love Jesus as well.

Theres so much more going on in my head now but im gonna end off here for now.

Ill try to keep my life updated here in future too =)

2007-05-25T02:03:00.000+08:00

I am really tired of caring about people who wouldnt bother giving me even half of that concern back.

Really, i am sick of it.

Always having to start a conversation,

Always having one sided conversation of experiences,

Always having to ask before im told anything.

It makes me feel like im just not needed.

Why do i always have to give a fuck.

Sometimes it really does suck having a conscience.

Riddle

2007-05-17T23:18:00.000+08:00

Heres a riddle for all of you out there.

The Pope has it but he does not use it.
Your father has it but your mother uses it.
Nuns do not need it.
Your lady friend's husband has it and she uses it.

What is it?

For the answer, highlight in between the asteriks

*A Last Name*

i think its quite smart =)

Male Bitching

2007-05-14T20:19:00.000+08:00

The following is a conversation between my good friend who shall be indentified as ANON. Cool name right. Basically, its me and him bitching about our dear boss.

All names except mind are edited. All emails cencored too!

Session Start: Monday, May 14, 2007
Arch...3 more working days, BIATCH!... (xxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com)
ANON (xxx@hotmail.com)

(7:35 PM) Arch:
hello boy
(7:35 PM) ANON:
yes boy
(7:35 PM) Arch:
today i went for the furniture talk
(7:35 PM) Arch:
and i sat next to bacus
(7:35 PM) Arch:
ahaha
(7:36 PM) Arch:
and *** (cencored) and the rest saw him oso
(7:36 PM) Arch:
and they all say he look like china man
(7:36 PM) Arch:
HAHAHA
(7:36 PM) ANON:
lol
(7:36 PM) ANON:
kns
(7:36 PM) Arch:
and *** say he looks like those very miser and pathetic guy
(7:36 PM) ANON:
LOL!
(7:36 PM) Arch:
DVD (also name edited) say her impression of him not so good now LOL
(7:37 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:37 PM) ANON:
how come
(7:37 PM) Arch:
cos she always thought he is the tall and more manly type
(7:37 PM) Arch:
but in the end he like those very pathetic fella
(7:37 PM) Arch:
LOL
(7:37 PM) Arch:
not charming or wadever
(7:38 PM) Arch:
what they say all made me laugh alot ah
(7:38 PM) Arch:
but good lah, they see him then they dont like him
(7:38 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:39 PM) ANON:
LOl
(7:39 PM) ANON:
they pressed him down damn fast
(7:40 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:40 PM) Arch:
HAHA
(7:40 PM) Arch:
i never say anything bad eh
(7:40 PM) Arch:
is thier own impression
(7:40 PM) Arch:
but what *** say about him is true
(7:40 PM) Arch:
haha
(7:40 PM) Arch:
eh btw
(7:40 PM) Arch:
he sitting next to jarrod lim
(7:40 PM) Arch:
and both of them all the way like making fun of people ah
(7:41 PM) Arch:
and *** say he can hear bacus and jarrod talking behind people back
(7:41 PM) Arch:
cos he sit in front of them
(7:48 PM) ANON:
lol
(7:49 PM) Arch:
and bacus say
(7:49 PM) Arch:
tp designers all useless
(7:49 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:49 PM) Arch:
*** heard
(7:53 PM)
Arch...3 more working days, BIATCH!... has changed his/her name to "Arch...some cheena looking foo'..."
(7:53 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:53 PM) ANON:
isnt him one of them
(7:53 PM) ANON:
LOL
(7:53 PM) ANON:
haiz, finally he admit himself useless liao
(7:53 PM) ANON:
lOl
(7:54 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:54 PM) Arch:
but he never tell us eh
(7:54 PM) Arch:
he whispering to jarrod
(7:54 PM) Arch:
only *** heard
(7:54 PM) Arch:
i next to him oso didnt hear
(7:54 PM) Arch:
probably cos they leaning forward when talking
(7:56 PM) ANON:
lOl
(7:56 PM) ANON:
gay
(7:56 PM) Arch:
yeah lah
(7:56 PM) Arch:
so cos of that *** got VERY BAD impression of him
(7:56 PM) Arch:
LOL
(7:57 PM) ANON:
LOL
(7:57 PM) ANON:
who wouldnt
(7:57 PM) ANON:
see
(7:57 PM) ANON:
all along say him weird is correct
(7:57 PM) Arch:
hahahaa
(7:57 PM) Arch:
HAHAHA
(7:57 PM) ANON:
just feel he is weird. kinda eccentric lah
(7:57 PM) Arch:
i was telling ***, after hearing all thier comment, i can rightfully say all the bad things already, cos actually i hold back cos dont want to give them too bad an impression of bacus
(7:58 PM) ANON:
LOL
(7:58 PM) ANON:
no need to hold back one lah
(7:59 PM) Arch:
HAHA
(7:59 PM) ANON:
intuition tells you is bad means correct one
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i was telling *** CONFIRM you will say that HAHAHAA
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i know he is jiat lat
(7:59 PM) ANON:
like me. WEIRD AND ECCENTRIC
(7:59 PM) Arch:
but i dont want to give *** and DVD an impression from my words, i want them to see for themself
(7:59 PM) Arch:
lol
(7:59 PM) ANON:
LoL
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i think wierd and eccentric not good enough
(7:59 PM) Arch:
i feel he is unprofessional and not boss like
(8:00 PM) Arch:
like an auntie
(8:00 PM) Arch:
talk too much cock
(8:00 PM) ANON:
yaa
(8:00 PM) Arch:
look down on people
(8:00 PM) Arch:
never guide us
(8:00 PM) Arch:
talk behind people back
(8:00 PM) Arch:
MISER
(8:00 PM) ANON:
the very starting, working a few times felt boring already
(8:00 PM) ANON:
cannot even work together
(8:00 PM) Arch:
lol
(8:01 PM) ANON:
hear that we working together when he away. face change
(8:01 PM) ANON:
ku ku sia
(8:01 PM) Arch:
lol
(8:01 PM) ANON:
all along i only trying my best to please him
(8:01 PM) Arch:
you know why anot
(8:01 PM) ANON:
kns
(8:01 PM) Arch:
MUST BE COS
(8:01 PM) Arch:
must be cos
(8:01 PM) Arch:
he dont want to pay us more
(8:01 PM) Arch:
we turn up during those days he have to pay
(8:01 PM) Arch:
so he of course turn face
(8:01 PM) ANON:
give out all my best then still kena nag by him
(8:02 PM) ANON:
then thats very niao of him
(8:02 PM) Arch:
thats what i think ah...no other reason what...
(8:02 PM) Arch:
LOL
(8:02 PM) ANON:
if his company is doing well. got regconition some more
(8:02 PM) ANON:
420 plus plus
(8:02 PM) Arch:
his company regocnition is not high you know
(8:02 PM) Arch:
thats what i believe
(8:03 PM) ANON:
machiam give liao one painting in the gallery will suddenly vanished like that
(8:03 PM) Arch:
LOL
(8:03 PM) ANON:
like pay us extra will die like that lor
(8:03 PM) ANON:
his pay ar
(8:03 PM) Arch:
hahahaa
(8:03 PM) Arch:
yeah
(8:04 PM) ANON:
cant even cover my meals over there lah
(8:04 PM) ANON:
transport the worst
(8:04 PM) Arch:
yeah agreed
(8:04 PM) Arch:
eh boy
(8:04 PM) Arch:
do you mind if i take the convo and put on my blog
(8:04 PM) Arch:
LOL
(8:04 PM) Arch:
i think damn funny
(8:04 PM) Arch:
but i will cencore all names
(8:04 PM) Arch:
except mine
(8:11 PM)
Arch has changed his/her personal message to "My design company boss doesnt know "who is SeymourPowell"
(8:11 PM) Arch:
eh ANON
(8:12 PM) Arch:
you got read what i asked?
(8:12 PM) ANON:
yaya
(8:12 PM) ANON:
go ahead lor
(8:12 PM) Arch:
lol ok
(8:12 PM) ANON:
lOl
(8:12 PM) Arch:
yayyy
(8:12 PM) ANON:
just a common convo
(8:12 PM) ANON:
lOl
(8:12 PM) Arch:
XD

If anyone who reads this has some kind of big disagreement with me, allow me to say this.

*No, YOU are wrong. *

Even my boss loves to bitch. So why cant i!?

XD

Sensibility

2007-05-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

Talking a fucking pain.

Meeting is a fucking bore.

Bothering is a fucking chore.

At times like these, what can a sensibly fucked up guy like me say?

It sucks having a conscience!

HELLO THAR IT BEEN LONGLONG!!!

2007-05-03T23:57:00.000+08:00

Hello thar. It been long, long.

Yes, this blog has been dead for a long time, except for that pathetic chatbox by the side.
Thank you to all who have bothered posting comments there!
The last important one i can remember is Li, who seems to always be there hmm.

So what possessed me to start writing again? well thanx to Li.

After talking to her i had remembered an old blog entry she wrote just for me. sweetest thing i ever read written on my existance, i think.

Well, even though its sweet, i didnt read it thoroughly, since i always felt her entries are too blocked up with text so i keep skipping stuff and just scan through the words.

Scanning through that sweet entry again led me to read my old posts in this very own blog.

And i must (shamefully) admit, i really do find my writing quite...interesting.

The emo ones i find quite interolable now, but alot of the others really brought back memories. Of the events that unfolded in the past, as well as the way i would write then down in my own way. I had forgotten all of them.

So after reading some of my older entries, i felt like why not i start again. The motivation came back. Suddenly i had a reason to blog.

I wonder if moses still reads. Maybe Benson knows.

Anyways, this is just a post to alert the WORLD of my return.

Youve been waiting long long havent you?

Sarcasm of course, just in case you dont know... =)